


Gotta Get With You

by orphan_account



Series: Lesbian Jalex [4]
Category: All Time Low, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Summer Set, pvris, the raven cycle
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Genderbend, Homophobia, Lesbophobia, M/M, gender swap, internalised-homophobia, internalised-lesbophobia, lesbian jalex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 56,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8467723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hiding her sexuality would've never been Alex's first choice but the mere thought of telling people terrified her. But it's not so easy when she starts to fall for Jack Barakat.///Jalex genderswap





	1. Playlist

Well hello friends. So I've been working on this for months and I am so excited to finally share it! I still have an editing process to go through so here is my writing playlist for it. 

Updates will be every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Australian time

For Baltimore - All Time Low

The Edge of Tonight - All Time Low

Endelssly - The Cab 

This Car - Cassadee Pope

You Hear a Song - Cassadee Pope

Kerosene - Courage My Love

Have Faith in Me - A Day to Remember

She - Dodie Clarke 

Next To You - Emma Blackery 

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls 

Drive - Halsey

Cliffs Edge - Hayley Kiyoko

Easy My Mind - Hayley Kiyoko 

Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko 

Pretty Girl - Hayley Kiyoko

Secret Love Song - Little Mix

She Keeps Me Warm - Mary Labert

Never Knew I Needed - Ne-Yo

You and I - One Direction

My Heart - Paramore 

The Only Exection - Paramore 

Kissing in Cars - Pierce the Veil

Only Love - PVRIS

Two in a Million - Ross Lynch and Laura Marano

Technicolour - Sainte

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol 

About a Girl - The Summer Set

Accidental Billionares - The Summer Set

Someone Like You - The Summer Set

Crazier - Taylor Swift 

Mine - Taylor Swift

Ours - Taylor Swift 

You Are In Love - Taylor Swift 

Safe and Sound - Tonight Alive

Starlight - Tonight Alive

Talk Me Down - Troye Sivan

Wild - Troye Sivan

Kiss Me Again - We Are the In Crowd feat Alex Gaskarth

This Isn't Rocket Surgery - We Are the In Crowd 

Always Attract - You Me At Six


	2. Chapter 1

Alex probably first knew she was different from other girls when she was thirteen. Her best friend Stacy was having her first boy-girl party, which was exciting for most seventh graders. Not Alex as much, she didn’t see the big deal in having boys at a party. Even at that age she didn’t care too much about boys unlike her friends, who were the cliché boy crazy. All she could do was watch them in confusion as they gushed about their favourite celebrities and who they would like to date the most. She remembered when they were twelve and were deciding between the Jonas Brothers and Zac Efron, Alex left in confusion since none of them appealed to her. 

She could still remember one thing distinctively from that night. Stacy took advantage of the boy-girl element of the party and brought out spin the bottle. Alex was a little wary of it but joined in anyway. The whole purpose of it was so boys and girls could kiss but Alex couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if when she spun the bottle it landed on a girl, Stacy especially. Unfortunately, whenever a guy’s spin landed on another guy or a girl’s on another girl, it simply called for a re-spin. 

When Alex’s turn rolled up, it landed on a guy she didn’t know too well but she kissed him, and she felt… nothing. She had no desire to kiss him or any of the other guys. What confused her more was she had a desire to kiss some of the girls.

Now in her senior year she knew exactly why, she was a lesbian. Not that she had told anyone. She wasn’t sure if she’d come out before her school life ends but there was always the option to wait to tell her parents when she leaves for college. Her friends, she wasn’t sure. The idea of telling them had always been nerve racking for her. She had no clue on how they would react. Would they just drop her as a friend? Would they be supportive? Would they simply outcast her? She didn’t know and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to find out. There were a few gay people at their school but her friends didn’t talk to them or about them. Whenever negative things were said about them none of her friends came to her defence. 

…

“Okay, Alex, your turn.” Stacy said, and held out the jar full pieces of paper with various male celebrity names written on them. It seemed almost childish that at Stacy’s birthday sleepover they’d play a game where they had to pick names at random and then decide who they would rather sleep with, it was just an adult version of who they would rather date like in middle school. Alex wasn’t the best actress but she had feigned being boy crazy long enough to convince her friends her responses were genuine. 

She picked the two names and read them out loud. “Zac Efron and Dave Franco.” Well at least her options weren’t horrible.

“Fuck!” Chuckled their friend Rory. “Talk about a hard decision.”

Alex wouldn’t call it ‘hard’ but she definitely pretended to put thought in it. “I guess Dave Franco. Or a threesome if that’s an option.” She added, with a chuckle. 

“No, you only get one,” Stacy teased. 

“So unfair.”

After a few more rounds Stacy’s mom ordered the three of them pizza which they ate in the comfort of Stacy’s room.

“So are there any guys you think are gonna ask you to Homecoming?” Rory asked, taking a bite of her pizza.

“I think Mark is gonna finally ask me.” Stacy said with a grin. 

“God hopefully,” Rory said. “He’s so obviously into you, isn’t he Alex?”

Alex nodded along, a smile to feign her interest. Not that she didn’t want Stacy to go out with Mark; she just didn’t care about talking about it since it bored her too much. 

"Yeah, he'd be crazy not to ask you," Alex said. 

"His ass better get onto it soon," Stacy said. "I've been waiting months for him to ask me out."

Alex nodded along, wishing she could just zone out without her friends noticing. She wished it were this easy for her to talk about girls to her friends. She didn't like any girls in particular but the idea was nice enough. 

"So are you and Nick going to homecoming?" Stacy asked Rory. 

She nodded. "Yep, and he's wearing a corsage that matches my dress," She grinned. "Any guys you'd like to go with, Alex?" 

Alex shrugged. "I don't know," She said. "There's no guys I really like." 

"God, there's never any guys you really like,” Stacey said. 

"High standards," Alex said with a shrug. She'd grown a reputation as a girl who had high standards. She'd take that over her secret getting out any day. Some people did see her as bitchy for it but she’d prefer them to think that rather than the truth. 

"Well, not that I'd call him low standards but I overheard Chris Park saying he was gonna ask you."

Alex would agree Chris wouldn't be considered low standards. Nice face, funny, and the Type A sort. Not exactly her type regardless of gender but not that worst she could get. Although, Alex knew she didn't want to date any guys. She may be in the closet but she didn't want to take her façade that far. It wasn't fair to anyone, and she couldn't bear hurting a guy who genuinely liked her by leading him on.

“I don’t know. He probably won’t even ask me,” Alex shrugged.

“Well you should say yes if he asks, he’s so hot.” Rory said. “And you deserve a boyfriend.”

She knew her friends meant well but she could only get around this by lying, not lying she necessarily liked to do but lying nonetheless. 

“Who says I need a boyfriend, anyway?” Alex asked chewing her pizza.

“Okay, first off, please don’t talk with food in your mouth, it’s disgusting,” Rory said, scrunching her nose. “And I’m not saying you need a boyfriend but we’re still in high school, it’s meant to be fun. I know the feminist in you is speaking but it’s harmless.”

“My feminism has nothing to do with guys,” Alex replied rolling her eyes. “All I’m saying is I don’t see the point in dating a due I’m not interested in, that’s all.”

“How do you know you’re not interested if you’ve never tried going out with him?”

Alex bit her tongue at that. She didn’t want to get into an argument about this. Not dating guys was the easiest option, not leading guys on was more difficult. She couldn’t control other people’s feelings towards her and here was Chris fucking Park, apparently hung up on her. 

She thought of the girls at school, she had always been able to avoid crushing on her friends but some were genuinely kind, and smart, and funny, and beautiful. And straight. Keyword there was always straight. She couldn’t get around that issue and that was mostly why she never tried. College would be easier. There would be more out girls, and there would be girls who wanted to experiment. She could actually enjoy herself but that was still a year away.

Her chances of having a girlfriend before getting the fuck out of this school were slim to none.


	3. Chapter 2

“Would you like one of my greasy pizzas?” Rory asked, staring at her cafeteria pizzas with little interest. 

“I’ll stick with my close-to-expiration-date milk and cold chicken nuggets,” Alex replied, taking a bite of one of said chicken nuggets. 

“We really need to start bringing our own food,” Alex huffed. 

“Yeah but I’m always too lazy to. And it’d require being healthy and I’m not about that life,” Rory shrugged, taking a bite of her pizza. “Be ready for a project in English. Mr Aguiar is making us partner up but of course he’s choosing the partners,” Rory rolled her eyes. 

After art, English was actually Alex’s favourite class. Mr Aguiar was also pretty young so he was still a lot of fun and hilarious. Hopefully that attitude will last for a while. 

“Who’d you get partnered with?” Alex asked. 

“Some girl named Jess. I haven’t really talked to her,” She sighed. “It’s so unfair, me and Nick would’ve partnered if we could’ve.”

“What’s the project anyway?”

“Make a newspaper article that represents Pride and Prejudice. Like events in the story and what else would’ve been published at the time.”

That didn’t sound too bad, she liked the book and it could be a bit of fun. Of course, who you get partnered with could affect the whole experience. As long as she didn’t get partnered with someone who wouldn’t help out it should be fine. More artsy projects had always been her favourite thing to do. She could already imagine herself drawing Netherfield. She wished she had a pencil and paper to sketch down ideas. 

“Hopefully it’ll be as easy as it sounds,” Alex said. “It sounds fun.”

“Of course it does to you,” Rory muttered. “Chris is in your class, right 

Alex resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Rory and Stacy hadn’t mentioned Chris since their sleep over. That was a few days ago and Homecoming was in a few weeks, hopefully Chris would decide against asking her and she would have nothing to worry about. That was how it was in her perfect world at least. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Alex shrugged. “Not my choice if he’s my partner or not.”

“Maybe you could get someone to trade?” Rory suggested. Alex merely shrugged, silently dismissing the option.

Before Rory could make another suggestion Stacy walked up to their table, a grin on her face.

“Hey guys,” she said. “Sorry I took so long.”

“What are you so happy about?” Alex asked as Stacy sat down. 

“Mark finally asked me out!” she said. “He stopped me after class and asked if I was going to Homecoming, when I said I was he asked if I had a date, and when I said I didn’t he asked me to go with him!” Stacy was giddy, practically jump in her seat. Alex smiled, she did honestly like seeing her best friend so happy. 

“That’s great, Stace!” Rory said. 

“Also, Alex!” Stacy said, turning to her. “Mark is friends with Chris!”

Alex hesitantly nodded her head. “And?”

“Well, he said that Chris is planning to ask you out today!” Stacy grinned. 

Alex shuffled in her seat. “Oh is he?” She asked. So apparently Chris did have the nerve to ask her out. She couldn’t say yes and she wasn’t going to, she would have to hurt him eventually and might as well do it early on, before emotions got too deep and intense. A small crush wasn’t the same as a relationship. 

Rory let out a squeal. “That’s great! Then we can go on dates together!” She grinned.

“We should! We can go to homecoming as a group!”

Alex tried to cut in but Rory and Stacy were going on about what they could do while going on dates together. She sighed and focussed on eating. If Chris really asked her out, she just had to shoot him down. She’d never said she liked him, so maybe when her friends find out she rejected him they won’t be too surprised. 

When the bell finally rang she quickly left for her English class before they could say anything more about Chris. She would try to avoid Chris as much as she could, pretend she was busy with something else and completely oblivious to his existence. 

She took her usual seat and pulled out her books, keeping her head down as if that’d prevent Chris from seeing her. She knew she couldn’t avoid it forever but she was still going to delay it for as long as possible. Maybe she could escape him from approaching her entirely today. 

“You okay?” A voice cut into her thoughts. She looked up to see a girl with short black hair with a red streak, sporting a black leather jacket over the rest of her black attire. She recognised her as Jacqueline Barakat; really hot but nothing really more than another face in the class. 

“Fine,” Alex replied, forcing a smile. She didn’t want to force her problems onto a stranger, even though she did look genuinely concerned. Maybe she should make her attempt to hide a little more low key. 

Jacqueline raised her brow, obviously not buying Alex’s defence. “Alright, if you say so,” And she walked past Alex to her seat. Alex hoped she didn’t come off as rude, Jacqueline was only trying to be nice. Before she had a chance to apologise, class started.

Mr Aguiar explained the project. While no one seemed too bothered by the project, there was a collective groan when he said he would be picking partners. After explaining it he listed off the names and Alex was partnered with Jacqueline. Alex didn’t mind that, Jaqueline seemed nice, maybe a bit of a slacker but maybe a more creative project would be different. S

She glanced over at Jacqueline, who was slouched in her seat and arms crossed over her chest, a lazy smile on her lips. Jacqueline caught her eye across the room and gave her a friendly smile. Alex quickly looked away, holding back her blush. She had to admit Jacqueline was pretty, entirely in that I-want-to-kiss-your-face sort of way. She didn’t notice until she really looked at her face. She’d always thought she was hot but she realised how kissable her face seemed at that moment. 

Mr Aguiar sent them off to discuss the project for the last few minutes of class. Alex glanced over to see Jacqueline walking over to her.

“Uh, sorry about coming off as bitch before,” Alex apologised, looking at her lap.

“What?” Jacqueline asked, cocking her head to the side. “Oh, it’s fine. You didn’t come off as bitchy, you were clearly thinking about something and I shouldn’t have interrupted,” she shrugged. “So, how do you want to do this?” she asked, pulling out the empty seat next to her, sitting in it backwards and resting her arms on the top of the backrest. 

“We could list things to add?” Alex suggested. “And add the best things to it?” 

Jacqueline nodded. “Cool, we could have a big headline. Should it be when it starts or end?”

“If it’s at the end it could be about Elizabeth and Jane marrying Darcy and Bingley.”

Jacqueline grinned. “Can we put in it somewhere that they’re possibly gold diggers?” 

Alex laughed. “Is that what you think of it?”

Jacqueline shook her head. “No dude, I love the book. But if we’re talking about the time, it’d probably be a thought.”

“If it was TMZ, not a newspaper.”

Jacqueline waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “Details, we’ll work it out later,” She said. “How about we meet at your house for it? We can talk more about it here.” 

Alex nodded her head and she and Jacqueline quickly exchanged numbers right before the bell went. 

“I’ll see you later then, Alexandra,” Jaqueline said as they got up to leave. 

“Oh, it’s Alex actually,” Alex said.

“Oh, sorry,” Jacqueline said. “In that case, it’s Jack.”

“Full name hater too?” Alex asked.

“Full name despiser,” Jack confirmed.

Alex laughed and they walked out of the classroom together, parting ways with a final goodbye. She could already tell they were going to get along great, and that this project would be a lot of fun. Maybe they’d become better friends after this, Jack was definitely fun company. 

“Hey Alex!” a voice called out, grabbing her attention. Alex turned to see Chris, walking up to her with his hands in his pockets. He was clearly trying to act casual but Alex could tell by his eyes that he was nervous. 

The word ‘fuck’ repeated in Alex’s head as she faked a smile, turning fully to him. How she was going to get out of this, she didn’t know.

“Hey Chris.” She said.

“So, this project seems real interesting.” He said.

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I’m not really friends with the dude I’m partnered with and you and I sort of know each other so maybe you can get our partners to switch?”

Alex stared at him. Okay, so he wasn’t asking her out. But he still had her cornered. At least in this case she could get out of it with an honest answer. “Well, uh… me and Jack have already talked about what we’re going to do for this, and we’re meeting after school anyway. So I don’t think that’ll be a good idea.” 

She couldn’t help but feel bad when she saw the disappointment in her eyes. “I uh… I better get to my next class.” Alex said, and quickly walked away, she didn’t need to prolong the awkward situation. 

…

Alex’s second to last class was always her favourite, art. Art was a release for her. She’d loved drawing ever since she was a kid and always took an art class when she could. When she was in kindergarten she’d always be the child using all the crayons and going through paper after paper, drawing her own creations. Her parents were the sort that would frame those pieces rather than just put them on the fridge for a week or two. 

She liked to think she had improved from when she was a child, she had better supplies and more patience and especially more skill. Although, the encouragement from her parents when she was a kid she might not have reached that skill level and would be doing something else. Even if her old work made her cringe. 

Her teacher, Mrs Bokan, was having the class create a piece that was meant to ‘reflect who they truly are’. Alex still wasn’t totally sure how to portray that, so she’d started sketches for ideas. Her teacher liked that, she wanted everyone to try different things, maybe different methods of art. Alex wasn’t any good at sculpting, so she stuck with drawing. Her teacher always tried to encourage the class to step outside of their comfort zone but Alex was happy to keep her pencils. 

All she had come up with so far is hair. She’d tried playing around with that, hair covering her face, hair falling to the floor, hair flowing in the wind. Her hair was a big part of who she was. Since it was down to her waist it was what she got most comments and compliments on, especially when people first met her. She wasn’t the happiest with what she had come up with so far but she was trying her hardest to draw inspiration from that. It was close to what she wanted but not totally.

She had no clue how to actually portray who she truly was. She was more than hair, but she wasn’t used to going so deep into herself, especially when she would have to turn it in for a grade. 

Mrs Bokan was strolling around the class, commenting on work and giving advice to some. Alex stared down at what she had, her sketches were really rough. She was never totally happy with her work, she’d see the smallest flaw and decide it was terrible. And all she could do was look at her paper in front of her and think that the hair looked terrible.

“How are you going, Alex?” Mrs Bokan asked when she reached her desk. 

Alex shook her head. “I don’t know what to do,” she confessed.

“Can I see what you have?”

She shrugged and Mrs Bokan looked through Alex’s sketches. Alex watched her, her smile staying on her face. She’d describe Mrs Bokan as kind, yet honest. She’d always help out but in a way that would have to leave the student alone to decide what to change.

“This is good,” she began. “But since they’re so different I don’t know what you’re trying to say. I do really like the focus on your hair, that is a clever way to do a self-portrait. So this is a good direction.”

Alex nodded and Mrs Bokan moved onto the next person. Alex looked at her sketches, and tore them out of her sketch book, scrunching them up.


	4. Chapter 3

When the final bell rang, Alex met up with Stacy and Rory by their lockers. The two were excited to hear if Chris had gone through with asking her out and seemed to be far more interested in it than Alex, as when she saw them they were both grinning ear to ear. 

“No, he didn’t,” she said calmly opening up her locker.

“So who did you get partnered with for the project?” Rory asked. “And did you convince Chris’s partner to switch with you?”

Alex resisted rolling her eyes, she’d done that too much today. Why were they so keen on her and Chris in the first place? She’d never shown any amount of interest in him and it frustrated her that her friends thought she’d fall into his arms because he liked her. “Nah, I didn’t bother. My partner is Jacqueline Barakat,” she said. 

Alex didn’t expect Rory to scrunch her nose. “Gross, isn’t she a dyke?”

Alex felt a pang in her chest and it only got worse when Stacy spoke up. “Yeah I think. So gross. You really should try to get someone to switch partners with you.”

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. “It’s fine, like no big deal. She’s nice and it’s one assignment.” 

Both Rory and Stacy looked at Alex like she was crazy. “Really? What if she hits on you?” Rory asked.

“Well she hasn’t yet, and probably won’t,” Alex shrugged. “It’s just a school project.”

“Okay, but hopefully she won’t force you to do any dykey stuff.”

All Alex could really think was at this rate her friends would never know she’d like to do ‘dykey’ stuff at all. She hadn’t known Jack was gay and that made this whole situation more dangerous. She couldn’t fall for Jack but hopefully she wouldn’t fall for her either. She had to ignore how much she enjoyed being with her during class. 

…

“So maybe we could do a headline of something like ‘Netherfield let by wealthy bachelor’?” Alex suggested, her laptop in her lap as her legs rested on her bed. Jack sat across with her legs crossed. 

Jack nodded. “Sounds good.”

They discussed a few more ideas until Alex’s mom came in and asked if they wanted pizza. Both girls nodded and agreed to split one between them. 

“So, I didn’t know you liked Blink,” Jack casually mentioned, eyeing the posters that adorned her walls. 

Alex smiled. “Yeah, huge fan.”

“Funny, you don’t strike me as the type to listen to them.”

“Is it the girly exterior?” she asked with a smile. Stacy and Rory never understood how she could enjoy a band like Blink182, but it never bothered her, they’d been one of her favourite bands for years. 

Jack shrugged. “You just came across as the type to listen Indie music, or more alternative. I don’t know, they just seemed pretty vulgar for you.”

Alex laughed. “Well I like Taylor Swift it that makes up for it.”

“And 5SOS by the look of it.” 

“Hey, everyone needs variety,” Alex shrugged.

“To be fair I am a huge John Mayer fan.”

“Now that is something I wouldn’t expect from you,” Alex laughed, grinning at the other girl. 

“Variety,” she mimicked, with a shrug and a smirk.

Alex smiled at her, her positive energy was truly infectious. If the entire project was going to be like this she didn’t mind at all. 

“So,” Jack began. “What did Chris say to you after class?”

“Oh,” Alex said, a little taken aback by the question. “Uh, he wanted to be partners for the project but I turned him down. Couldn’t do that to ya.”

“Ugh, thanks. He’s partnered with a fuckboy.”

Alex laughed. “Well no worries, wouldn’t want you to get stuck with a fuckboy.”

“Yeah, he once tried to get me and my friend to make out in front of him at a party.”

“Gross.” Alex said scrunching her nose. “Does he seriously think lesbians exist for him to jerk off to?”

“Straight dudes are gross, sorry you’re stuck with them.” 

Alex gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, sure does suck.”

Alex didn’t miss the flash of confusion in her eyes. Maybe the fake smile gave her away but Jack didn’t push it. 

“Anyway, you looking forward to Homecoming?” Jack asked, clearly deciding to change the subject.

“Uh, I guess,” she shrugged. “Don’t have a date. You?”

“Just going with friends, no date for me, and two of them either. The other two are dating though so they’ll be joined at the hip,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

Alex chuckled. “Both my friends have dates so I’ll have no one to lean on.”

“Well if you don’t get a date you can hang with me and my friends.”

Alex smiled at that. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

…

“So I did something you will love me for!” Was what Stacy when Alex met her and Rory by their lockers.

“Should I be scared?” Alex asked.

“Chris was really bummed out you wouldn’t trade partners with him because he was going to ask you to homecoming. So, I said yes for you!” she said, a grin spread across her face.

Alex stared hat her for a moment, her mouth opened to respond but no words were coming out.

“I know!” Stacy said. “Ain’t I great?”

“But… I didn’t say I wanted to go with him,” Alex managed to get out.

“I know but he really wanted to ask you. So I told him you really like him and got shy, so I said yes for you.” The smile on her face was so self-satisfied, like she’d done some sort of good deed or huge favour. 

Alex looked at her for a moment longer but she didn’t argue. 

She could handle one date.

Just one.

She technically isn’t leading him on, Stacy did all the talking for her after all. But he probably truly believed she liked him and that just seemed unfair to her. Maybe during their ‘date’ she could avoid leading him on, hopefully they’ll work. 

She went through the day trying to forget about her apparent date with Chris. She dreaded that she’d have to go through this but after one date her friends will probably get off of her back. Well, actually they probably wouldn’t but at least she’ll have the date to point to when they try setting her up with Chris or some other guy. 

English rolled around and that was the last thing Alex wanted to do, she didn’t want to face Chris. Thanks to Stacy he thought she liked him back so her great plan of not hurting a guy has ended. She could only hope he’d drop the idea of them after Homecoming, like he found them incompatible. 

She spotted Jack in her seat, her headphones in as she bobbed her head to whatever she was listening to. Alex walked right towards her, maybe Chris will leave her alone if they were talking.

“Hey,” she said grabbing the other girl’s attention. 

Jack looked up and smiled when she saw Alex. “Oh hey,” she said after taking one of her ear phones out.

“What you listening to?” she asked.

“Taylor Swift.”

“Ah, now that’s something else I didn’t think you’d listen to.”

“Nothing and no one will kill my love for her,” Jack said simply.

“Same, I’ve loved her since I was like twelve.”

“Did you go to her Speak Now tour? That shit was magical.”

“Yeah, but I missed her last two. Sold out before I got the chance to buy tickets.”

“Ugh, that sucks. I saw Red though, which I’m thankful for since it’s my favourite album of hers.”

“I’m a Fearless girl myself,” Alex smiled. 

“Classics are always great,” Jack agreed. “Next time we work on this assignment we should just blast it.”

“I have a feeling you’re just saying that so we can dance to it instead of work.”

“And sing, of course.”

Alex laughed at that and Jack grinned showing her teeth. 

“Alex!” 

Fuck.

“So, did you want to meet up again today?” Alex asked, doing her best to ignore Chris. “I mean the project is due in a few weeks. We should work on that; I have art supplies at home so that’ll help when we start to make it.” Alex smiled and casually weaved her way into the empty seat next to Jack while making sure her eyes don’t stray to Chris. “So I was thinking I could draw Netherfield and you could write some sort of article?” 

Jack nodded. “Awesome, you could probably draw something than I can.”

“Well you can definitely do that same in the writing area.” 

“Hey Alex!” Chris cuts in and Jack looks over at him. 

“Dude, we’re talking,” She said and Alex was thankful for that.

Chris seemed to ignore her turning his entire attention on Alex. “So are you excited for Homecoming?” he asked.

Alex turned her head to him, giving him a fake smile. “Sure.” 

“Do you have a dress picked out? I can get a corsage to match.”

“Not yet,” Alex said. 

“Well, let me know so I can be ready,” He said with a huge grin. It hurt to see how happy he was over them going on a date. 

Alex simply nodded and Chris sat down with Mark. 

“Oh, so you got a date to Homecoming?” Jack asked but Alex didn’t miss the disappointment in her voice.

“Sort of,” Alex said. “My friend said yes for me. But he wanted to ask me anyways.”

“You don’t seem too excited,” Jack noted.

Alex didn’t get a chance to respond because Mr Aguiar started the class.

…

“Okay, so I was thinking we could use a quill and parchment for the newspaper.” Jack said as the two girls sat in Alex’s room. 

“I’m pretty sure the printing press was invented by then.”

“Oh,” Jack replied. “Well then we’ll stick with doing it on your computer with an old timey font.”

Alex nodded in response. “Yeah, and it’s not an art class I doubt Mr Aguiar wants us to go to full on.”

As Alex went to get her art supplies she kept in a plastic box, Jack spoke up.

“You didn’t seem to excited about your Homecoming date,” She noted.

Alex bit her lip. “Uh, he likes me. I didn’t really get a choice in the matter.”

“Than why did your friend say ‘yes’ for you?” She asked, raising her brow.

“She thinks I like him, and she’s dating his best friend.”

“Ah,” Jack replied. “That sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” Alex muttered.

“Why didn’t you just tell her you don’t want to go with him?” 

“She won’t listen, and I can handle one date,” Alex said.

“Good luck with that,” Jack muttered. Alex had trouble reading her tone. She clearly agreed with Alex that this was a bad idea but what could she do? 

“Am I a bad person for doing this?” Alex asked.

“Why would you think that?” Jack asked. 

“He likes me a lot and I don’t like him at all. So I feel like I’m leading him on,” she explained. 

“Hm… well try being up front with him,” Jack suggested. “If you don’t want to lead him on then don’t.”

Alex sighed. “I’m not good at that kind of stuff.”

“Is there a guy you do like that you’d rather go with?”

“No.” Not a lie. There wasn’t really a girl she liked anyway although Jack looked like she’d be fun to kiss a little. 

She pushed that thought from her mind immediately. She didn’t need to think about falling for a girl in her own life. Celebrities she could handle but not a girl in her own life and especially not a girl who was a lesbian. She just had to wait until college and release all her sexual frustration there. Maybe she’d meet the love of her life there. 

“Well if he asks you out again just say no,” Jack suggested. “You’re not inclined to go out with him.”

“I know,” Alex said. “I just hate hurting people.”

“Better to hurt others than to hurt yourself,” Was Jack’s response.


	5. Chapter 4

“So have you got a dress for Homecoming yet?” Stacy asked Alex as they sat in the cafeteria with them.

“Yeah, I’m wearing one of my old ones,” Alex shrugged. 

Stacy and Rory’s eyes widened at her. “What! You’re not going to get a new one?” Rory asked. “For your first date with Chris?”

Alex slightly grimaced at the word ‘first’. It implied she’d go one more than one date with him. Maybe become her boyfriend. She dreaded that thought. She was going to try so hard to stick to just going out with him this once. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, much less make him hate her for leading him on and using him as a beard. This one date was no better, but at least she had the excuse that it was Stacy and Rory’s idea and had given her no option. God, it made her sick to her stomach. This date is going to go terribly if she’s going to be as standoffish as she felt she would be. 

“I don’t need a new dress,” Alex said. 

“Oh come on, don’t you want to look nice for Chris?” Stacy persuaded. 

She honestly couldn’t care less. It was just a dress, she had a dress that would be good for Homecoming at home. 

“We can go shopping together this weekend!” Rory said, grinning. 

“Fine,” Alex begrudgingly agreed. The idea wasn’t going to go away at this point. She only had to last until after Homecoming. There are worse things out there. She didn’t have to kiss him or… have sex with him. The mere thought of that made her shudder.

“Saturday, then?” Alex asked, met with grins and nods from the pair.

…

Alex was mostly quiet at dinner that night. Her parents weren’t talking about anything in particular. Alex had mostly tuned out, pushing her food in her plate. 

“One of my co-workers just got married,” Alex’s mom said idly. 

“Which one?” he dad asked.

“You met him when we went to that office party,” she replied.

“The gay one?” 

Alex perked up slightly, trying to seem not too interested. She was searching for the tone in her parents’ voices. 

“Yeah, they seem pretty happy about it,” her mom shrugged. 

They seemed to drop the conversation and Alex couldn’t really decipher a tone; it did seem to lean more towards a positive direction but she didn’t have enough cues. For all she knew her mom and dad could have nothing but disapproving thoughts in their minds. 

“You’re quiet tonight,” her mom pointed out, turning to Alex. 

Alex glanced up and shrugged. “Just have a lot on my mind.”

“So, are you and your friends going to the Homecoming dance?” she asked her, clearly trying to make conversation.

Alex nodded. “Yeah, they’re making me go shopping for dresses this weekend.”

“A new dress?” Her dad asked. “You already have nice dresses.”

“They wouldn’t give me an option,” Alex said.

“Has any boy ask you?” he mom asked.

Alex stopped herself from grimacing. Another reminder her parents just expected her to like boys, that she is meant to like them. It made her sick to her stomach. It reminded her of elementary school when they asked her if any male friend she talked about was her boyfriend. When people at school did the same thing. When boys would chase her around school threatening to kiss her. When girls would ask her who she’d marry, always replying that she would never marrying a boy. It was ridiculous, it was sickening, it was unfair. She wouldn’t feel the need to hide how she felt if she hadn’t been told her entire life she had to like boys. That boys liked girls and girls liked boys. That wimen existed to please men. That she was meant to fall to the knees at the sight of an attractive guy.

She couldn’t stand it, and she hated that everything she was meant to feel for guys she felt for girls. That Tay Jardine’s singing voice hypnotised her, that Chloe Graze Moretz’s face is mostly why she liked her, that she’d see any movie with Anna Kendrick just to see her angel face, even if it’s not a good movie. 

She hated that she was falling for Jack Barakat. Girls she’d never meet was easy but a girl at school? It was the worst thing that could happen. Especially when she was a lesbian too…

“Rory and Stacy set me up with someone,” she decided to answer. 

“Ooh, what’s his name?” her mom asked.

“Chris.”

“Chris what?”

“Chris Park.” 

“The Korean one?” her dad asked and she nodded. “Is he North or South?”

“Dad, if he was North he’d be trapped in North Korea,” she replied, holding back laughter. 

“I’ve met his mother at the school’s bake sales,” her mom said. “Lovely woman and she speaks highly of her son.”

Alex couldn’t confirm or deny any of that, she didn’t know him well enough to know what he’s like but even if he was the sweetest guy ever, she could never like him the way he liked her, a whole new reason to feel like an awful person. Even this one date was treading on dangerous territory. But she was dug in too deep now and there was no way to get out of it. 

“He’s okay, I guess,” Alex shrugged. “It was Rory and Stacy’s idea for me to go with him.”

“You don’t like him?” Her mom asked, raising her brow at her.

“Like I said, he’s okay,” Alex shrugged. “I guess I’ll just have to see how the date goes.” 

“Well I hope you girls have fun.”

Alex nodded in response, pretending she wasn’t completely dreading the night.

…

“You look ridiculous,” Alex laughed when Stacy came out in the most ridiculous short strapless dress Alex has ever seen. 

“Oh come on, it’s very ‘90’s.”

“And it should stay there,” Alex replied. 

“You’d need the hair and makeup to match too,” Rory interjected with a laugh. 

“I think I look great!” Stacy said and spinning around, the skirt flowing around her. 

Alex smiled at her and continued to look for a dress she liked. Her style was more simple but it could be difficult to find a nice dress that matched that preference. 

When she glanced up across the store, she was surprised to Jack with another woman, maybe a few years older than them. Alex concluded it was her older sister by how much they looked alike but she was unsure since she didn’t recall Jack mentioning she had one. 

She glanced over at Rory and Stacy who were still searching for more prospects. Stacy was still in the horrid dress, the price tag hanging out of the back of it. They seemed to be excitedly gushing about something, which could be their boyfriends or the dance or both. They seemed distracted enough for Alex to make her way over to say hi to Jack. She made her way around the clothes rack and casually walked over to her.

“Hey, stranger,” Alex said with a smile. 

Jack glanced over at her and a smile stretched on her lips. “Oh hey, dress shopping?”

“I was forced into it by my friends, for Homecoming.” 

“I was forced into it by my sister here,” Jack replied, nodding over to the woman who rolled her eyes. “It’s for my cousin’s wedding – who isn’t getting married for a few months – and I clearly need a new dress.”

“None of your dresses are good enough for a wedding,” her sister argued. 

Jack rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I’ve also been forced into dress shopping so I understand your pain.”

“Do you want me pretend I’m okay with being ignored or to leave you two alone to talk?”

“Latter please,” Jack replied batting her eye lashes.

“You ain’t getting off too easy,” she replied and walked off to a different rack. 

“So how is dress shopping going?” Jack asked, resting her arms onto of the rack. 

“I hate dress shopping and I’m putting money into a dress I don’t need for a date I don’t want to go on.”

Jack shook her head. “That’s awful, all of it. Forced date and money.”

“Tell me about it,” Alex muttered. 

“So was there a reason you wanted to talk? Was it about our project?”

“Oh… uh nah. I just wanted to say hi.”

“And your friends?”

“I can just say it was about class, I just like talking to you.”

Jack smiled at that. “Well you sure know how to pay a girl a compliment.”

Alex smiled back, noticing Jack’s eyes sparkle. She could get lost in those eyes…

“I better get back to my friends,” Alex said, snapping herself out of her trance. “They’re probably wondering where I went.”

Jack nodded. “Okay, I’ll see you at school.”

With one last smile Alex turned on her heel and walked back to the pair. “Where were you?” Rory asked when she walked up to them.

“Oh, I saw Jack and-“

“Jack?” Stacy asked raising her brow.

“Jacqueline Barakat,” Alex clarified, remembering Jack was a nickname not known to most. “It was about that English project.”

“Ugh, I hope she doesn’t come bother us,” Rory said.

“Nah, she’s here with her sister,” Alex said, almost defensively. She really hated when they would just so casually say such horrible things about her. They only hated her because she was gay and if she was braver she’d just drop them as friends.

“Don’t worry about it, we have dresses to find.”


	6. Chapter 5

Homecoming came quickly; quicker than Alex expected. She’d spent most days working on the assignment with Jack which they had finished but the submit date was still a few weeks away. 

Alex rode with Stacy and Rory in car to meet their dates outside the school. Alex tried to drive as slow as possible without Stacy and Rory noticing, they were too busy to really notice since they were singing along to the radio. She was absolutely dreading the night.

“You look really pretty.” Chris said when he saw her as Rory went to Nick’s side and Stacey to Mark’s. 

“Thanks.” Alex responded kind of dully. Chris did look nice but she felt no desire to go out with him again. 

The six of them made their way to the gym, expressing their excitement about the dance but more so the after party. 

“Jeffery’s throwing it,” Rory grinned. “It’s gonna be awesome!”

“Especially since this finishes so early,” Nick agreed, his arm around Rory. 

Alex remembered Jeffery as Chris’s partner for the English assignment as well as the afore mentioned ‘fuckboy’ Jack had mentioned. As much as she didn’t like him, a party was nothing to complain about. They were usually an open invitation so it was no doubt going to be a full house. It would make the night a little longer and she could only hope Chris wouldn’t try to kiss her; that thought alone made her sick. 

“Well Homecoming will be fun too,” Alex said. As she walked with Chris, he kept a hand on her waist and it took everything in her not to bat him off. He was holding her pretty tightly; hopefully he wouldn’t go down too far but he didn’t seem like the type to do that. She figured the tight grip was meant to make her feel safe but all it did was make her feel extremely uncomfortable. 

“Yeah but alcohol,” was Mark’s response. 

Alex resisted the urge to roll her eyes so she just focussed her eyes ahead as they entered the gym. Alex couldn’t help but wonder if Jack was there yet, so she kept an eye out for her as she hung out with her friends. 

“You seem quiet.” Chris noted. She was sat at one of the tables with Chris, Rory, Nick, and Mark, hands folded in her lap. 

Alex shrugged. “I’m always quiet,” She said. 

She didn’t miss Chris’s frown. “Do you wanna dance?” he asked, forcing a smile. 

Alex looked out at the makeshift dance floor. The school was playing the cleanest pop songs they could, ‘Shut Up and Dance’ being what’s playing right now. As overplayed as it was, she was admittedly a sucker for it. 

“Sure.” She said and followed him to the crowd, leaving the couple alone. Chris grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. She stepped back a little, hoping he’d assume it was because this song was so poppy it required more space to flail around to. He did seem slightly taken aback but seemed to shrug it off, taking both of her hands and settling with dancing at arm’s length, leaving Alex completely relieved. She’d be fine as long as no slower songs came on.

And as if someone had read her mind… one did. It was Taylor Swift’s Crazier, one of her personal favourites. Of course, Chris looked at her expectedly, so she gave him a fake smile and wrapped her arms around his neck as his settled on her waist, pulling them close enough so their bodies were pressing together. Even though she felt extremely uncomfortable she didn’t try to step away. She only had to get through the night and everything would be fine. 

As she followed Chris’s sway she saw Jack across the room, drink in hand and with a couple of her friends Alex recognised as Lyndsey and Jess. Jack caught her eye and smiled at her with a small wave. Alex returned it, the first real smile she had that night. 

Chris didn’t miss the smile and gave her hip a squeeze. Alex’s focus went back to him and she felt the colour drain from her face as he began to lean forward. She quickly turned her face away, his lips pressing to her cheek instead. 

When he pulled away, she gave him a weak smile but didn’t miss the disappointment in his eyes. When the song ended she stepped away and excused herself to the bathroom. 

When she got there, it was empty. She stared at herself in the mirror and sighed. This was a terrible idea from the beginning. She should’ve just told Chris she didn’t want to go. 

No, she should’ve just told them the truth, that she was gay and really didn’t want to have a boyfriend. If they hated her then so be it. The truth had to come out sometime and they would hate her anyway. 

The door opened and Alex didn’t bother looking up until a voice spoke up. “Hey, are you okay?” 

She glanced over to see Jack at the door, closed behind her. She looked quite concerned and probably wouldn’t leave until she got an answer. 

“No,” Alex breathed out. 

“You seemed quite uncomfortable,” Jack noted, making her way to Alex’s side. 

“Oh, so it was obvious,” Alex sighed, rubbing her temples. 

“Might’ve gone over his head.”

“Maybe when I blocked his kiss, at least,” Alex replied softly. 

“Maybe you should’ve just told him the truth. Your happiness matters too.”

Alex simply nodded and looked back at Jack. Alex felt her heart race as they simply stared at each other. She noticed how nice Jack looked; she was wearing makeup like usual with perfect winged eyeliner, tonight adding dark eye shadow and dark lipstick. She couldn’t help but wonder if she kissed her if Jack’s lipstick would get all over her face or just stay perfectly in place.

Instead, she shook off the feeling. “I should get back to my friends.”

Jack nodded. “Right.”

And with that, she hastily left the bathroom.

…

Homecoming ended at ten and most people went straight to Jeffery’s house. Rory went with Nick in his car and Chris and Mark came with Alex and Stacy. Chris rode in the front with Alex as Stacy and Mark cuddled in the backseat. Chris hadn’t tried making another move, Alex guessed he’d figured Alex didn’t feel too comfortable with what he’d been trying to do so he’d decided to back off. Hopefully, at least. He seemed persistent and wouldn’t give up too soon or too easily. 

When they got to Jeffery’s house cars already lined the street already. When they walked in they were met with the stereo blaring the well-known hits. Stacy and Mark were joined at the hip and Rory and Nick had gotten there before them so they were already off somewhere. 

The four of them sat on the already overflowing couch. Stacy sat on Mark’s lap and Chris looked at Alex expectedly when he sat down. With a fake smile she begrudgingly sat down in his lap, mostly because there was no comfortable space for her to sit. 

She tuned out when their conversation started, keeping her hands away from Chris and sitting on his knees rather than his lap. She sat stiffly, and if anyone noticed how much she didn’t want to be there, they didn’t say anything.

“Hey what the fuck are you two doing!” Brought her attention back. Alex, along with everyone else, turned to Jeffery who was standing in front of two guys in a back corner, dark enough that you wouldn’t notice them at first glance. She recognised them from her school as Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch. She didn’t know them too well, and usually stayed away from Ronan because he came across as quite intimidating, which was mostly what made him and Adam a strange pair since Adam was extremely studious and would probably help a spider outside rather than kill it, while Ronan was a slacker and would ruthlessly kill a spider. 

Ronan had Adam pinned to the wall and Adam’s hands rested on Ronan’s hips, looking slightly flustered and panting a little. The colour had seemed to drain from his face at the sight of Jeffery. They clearly had been in the middle of kissing and Jeffery had caught them.

Ronan sized him up, his intimidating exterior coming out. He crossed his arms and stood right in front of Adam in a protective stance. It was no secret they were dating. Ronan was gay and people avoided giving him shit about it due to his whole intimidating exterior, and Adam was bi and that only came out when he and Ronan started dating, so Ronan was practically his body guard at that point. Which made Ronan’s pose make more sense if you weren’t considering the boyfriend part. 

“What’s it to you?” Ronan growled back, like a wolf ready to attack and protect his mate. 

“You think you faggots can come into my house and stick your tongues down each other’s throats?”

“Open invitation, and at least five straight couples are doing the same.”

Not a lie, Stacy being one of those five. Jeffery seemed much more interested in starting a scene or maybe looking for a chance to file an assault charge. Ronan looked close to being the perpetrator of one. 

“Yeah but no one cares when they do it, you two I happen to care about a lot.”

Ronan was fuming, gritting his teeth together as he glared at Jeffery. Jeffery was definitely trying to pick a fight and he knew exactly how to fire up Ronan. It seemed almost calculated. 

“Jesus fuck, leave them alone.” Alex heard Jack’s voice say as she, along with Lyndsey and Jess, jogged to Ronan and Adam’s side. 

“Oh look, dykes are coming to save you!”

Jack sent him a glare. “Do you really think you’re being clever?”

“I mean, I honestly wouldn’t mind the three of you macking on each other.”

“You are fucking disgusting,” Jess snapped.

“Nah, you’re just wastes.” 

“Oh please, I wouldn’t suck your dick anyway,” Lynn said, rolling her eyes. 

“Your missing out then,” Jeffery smirked. Someone seriously had to check their ego and Ronan definitely wasn’t cooling down. If that had been the girls goal, it hadn’t worked. 

Adam took Ronan’s hand, unclenching his fist and rubbing his hand. “It’s fine, let’s just get out of here,” he said, giving Ronan a pleading look. 

Ronan looked at Adam, then at Jack, Lyndsey, and Jess. He grunted then walked to the front door, while keeping a protective arm around Adam as the girls followed on their tail. 

“Ugh,” Mark gagged. “Fucking disgusting how they shove that in our faces.”

Alex felt her body stiffen again at those words and made worse when Stacey made a sound of agreement. “It’s fucking gross.” she said. “Like I want to see that.

Alex avoided pointing out that she and Mark were doing the same a few minutes ago and that Adam and Ronan had done it away from everyone, but she bit her tongue. The last thing he needed was anyone to question her. 

She was just going to have to keep living a lie.


	7. Chapter 6

“So are you and Chris officially together?” Was Rory’s first question that Monday morning. 

Alex held back a sigh. “No.”

“But why not?” Stacy asked, sounding genuinely confused. 

“I just don’t like him like that.” 

“Okay, I know you’re picky, but seriously? Even fucking Chris isn’t good enough for you?” 

“I can’t help who I like, and it’s just definitely not Chris.” She replied. “He’s the farthest thing from my type anyway.” In many ways too.

“But he really likes you!” Rory defended. 

“But I don’t like him!” 

Stacy and Rory exchanged a glance. Alex realised she was being quite defensive and should probably tone it down a little. 

“Okay, whatever,” Stacy muttered. “No need to be bitchy.”

“I’m not being bitchy,” Alex said. “I just don’t like him; I’m allowed to not like someone.”

Stacey huffed. “Whatever, your choice to not date a great guy.”

Alex bit her lip, trying to brush off the comment. She knew she must sound like a horrible person but she just couldn’t like Chris. She doesn’t want to date him; she doesn’t want to lead him on like that or anymore than she already has. 

English class finally rolled around she sat next to Jack, her new usual spot. Hopefully Chris will get the idea and leave her alone this time. 

“Happy, Monda,.” Jack said with a smile. 

Alex returned it. “Hey.” 

“Were you at Jeffery’s party this weekend?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded. “I thought you hated him.”

“I do,” she nodded. “But who am I to pass up free alcohol?”

Alex laughed. “So where’d you and your friends go after Jeffery being ever so charming?”

“Oh you saw that?” Jack asked, slightly surprised. 

Alex shrugged. “Was kind of hard to miss.”

“We went out for frozen yogurt. Which was great because I’m one of those people that puts on really disgusting combinations. It had like tutti-frutti and chocolate yogurt, then Reese’s, M&M’s, berries, and probably more shit.”

Alex scrunched her nose with a small laugh. “That’s fucking disgusting.” 

Jack shrugged. “It was and it made me sick. Ronan noted how that was my fault.”

“Speaking of, were he and Adam okay?”

“They’re fine, it’s not the first time they’ve gotten shit. Nobody really messes with Ronan anyway due to his whole attitude.”

“Yeah, Adam doesn’t seem like his type.”

Jack laughed. “Trust me, Ronan may seem intimidating and shit with his pet raven and tattoo, and drag racing hobby but he has a soft centre, only seen by those he really trusts.”

“Drag racing?”

Jack waved her hand dismissively as her response. “Point is, he’s a sweet guy. Just has trouble trusting people; he and Adam are crazy about each other though. It’s disgustingly adorable.” 

“I feel the same way about my friends and their boyfriends.” Alex said.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Jack said. “Were you seeing Blink this weekend?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well none of my friends are interested in going so do you want to go with me?”

Alex nodded. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

…

Jack insisted they go early before doors open so they could get a spot at the barrier. Alex didn’t complain because she did do that herself a lot, but since Blink was so popular they had to get there pretty early to guarantee a good spot. Luckily They had a big lunch prior and about ten bathroom breaks to be safe. Their wait was going to last a good six hours. It worked out since there was only five other people already there. 

“So did Chris try asking you out again?” Jack asked as they sat and shared a packet of M&M’s. 

“No, hasn’t even talked to me,” Alex replied. “I think he got the message.”

“He’s lucky he can take a hint.”

“After like fifty.”

“That’s a fair number to get it,” Jack replied with a smirk. 

“I know. I should’ve said no from the get go but I can’t exactly control my friends.”

“True, I guess. But why didn’t you just tell them you didn’t like him?”

“I did. They just don’t listen, so my best option is to simply avoid. But clearly that hasn’t gone in my favour.”

“Well the truth is usually the best option. So you should stick to it.”

“When I told them I don’t like him, they straight up called me a bitch.”

“Wow, some friends.” Alex didn’t argue because, well, she wasn’t wrong. “Is that the whole truth to it?”

Alex looked at her for a moment, confused. “Huh?”

“Just… is that all there is to it?” she asked, giving her a look of concern.

Alex didn’t answer, just continuing to eat her M&M’s. Jack’s look seemed to disappear, and held the M&M’s above her head. 

“Hey!”

“You’re hogging it,” Jack said. 

“Don’t be an asshole!” she laughed, she said reaching up above Jack’s head to get it but Jack just dodged her, laughing at Alex’s attempts. It would make sense to just stand up but where’s the fun in that?

“Okay, but only because you’re pretty,” Jack said and handed back the bag.

“Thank you,” Alex smiled.

The doors opened soon after that and the two girls ran right to the middle of the barrier. As they waited for the open band to come along they, along with parts of the crowd, sang along with the songs playing overhead on the speaker. People got especially excited when Paramore’s Still Into You came on, everyone singing at the top of their lungs.

Neither of them knew the band that opened but they still enjoyed the fuck out of themselves. Alex honestly couldn’t remember the last time she’d had so much fun. Jack was fun to spend time with. Ironically, she was pretty much everything she looked in for a girl – liked her sort of music, fun, carefree, and joyful to name a few – and more. And she was fucking hot too.

She’d always figured having a girlfriend would wait until years down the line but somehow, Jack made her want to change her mind. 

When Blink finally came on the entire crowd blew up. The crowd sang at the top of their lungs. Alex stole a few glances at Jack and her face was so damn bright during each song. Alex couldn’t help the smile on her lips and let herself stare at her in the middle of The Rock Show. Made it was for a little too long because Jack looked back at her. She didn’t look away, just keeping her eyes on the other girl. She hesitantly took her hand, keeping their eyes locked. Jack’s eyes didn’t leave hers and Alex’s hand went for Jack’s cheek, her thumb gently stroking her cheekbone. 

And she just went for it, she kissed her. Right there in the pit in front of their shared favourite band and everyone around them. And Jack kissed her back.

It’s like some of Alex senses cancelled out so she could just focus on the kiss. She couldn’t hear, she couldn’t see, but she could taste Jack sweet lips and smell her natural scent and she could feel the softness of Jack’s lips. It was the best feeling in the world and she didn’t want to do anything else but kiss Jack for the rest of her life. 

“Hey, girls making out!” Mark’s voice cut in, causing both girls to flinch back and laugh, turning their attention back to the band. Okay, maybe for not as long as she wanted but she could feel people watching them now, some still searching for the two. In any other instance she would’ve felt scared but all she could do is laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. She just kissed Jack in front of her favourite band. She didn’t even care if people thought it was for attention, she didn’t think she’d ever take back that kiss. 

“Is the show really that boring?” Mark continued. 

Both girls shook their heads while smiling and shouted a ‘no.’

“We paid for a show, so fucking play!” Jack shouted at them.

“Lady speaks the truth,” Mark agreed.

As they continued to play, Jack took Alex’s hand in her own. Alex smiled, and let her body rest against Jack’s. 

Best concert ever. 

…

“So your friends don’t know?” 

Alex gave a quiet ‘uh-uh’ as she sat in the passenger seat of Jack’s car. Night had fallen so Alex couldn’t really distract herself with the scenery outside. The inevitable explanation had started when they got into Jack’s car and Alex didn’t blame her. Of course she wouldn’t let Alex go without an explanation. It was a little relieving to let all of this out onto someone though. 

“How long have you known?”

“Inkling in middle school, first realised two years ago,h” She admitted softly. 

“Must be a pretty heavy weight on your shoulder.”

“No shit.”

“Why haven’t you told them?”

“They’ll hate me. And yes, I’m sure. They’re really homophobic. They’ve called you a ‘dyke’ and Ronan and Adam ‘faggots’ when they were kissing… they will genuinely hate me.”

“Fuck them then, you can hang with me and my friends.”

Alex shook her head. “It’s not that simple,” she said. “They’ve been my best friends for years, especially Stacy. I can’t just let them go.”

“Sometimes it’s the best choice.” 

“Look, I’ve made it this long. And what about my parents? There’s so many horror stories out there I just can’t do it until I’ve moved out and not relying on them anymore.” 

Jack was silent for a moment, delaying her response.

“You know… I’m Lebanese.”

“Point?”

“Arab parents.” She said like it was obvious so Alex made her look clear that she wasn’t getting it. “Everyone’s favourite stereotype about Arab parents is that they’re homophobic as fuck, especially when you consider the whole illegal in many Arab countries thing. So I was terrified to tell them, and since we moved when I was a baby, I always wondered how different my life would’ve been. So I told my sister, in fucking tears, and she just hugged me for a really long time. I told my brother a few months later and they both helped me tell my parents. They were surprised to say the least but they still loved me. I know they’re not necessarily pleased about it but they just accepted it. I think the worst part of it all was when I heard my mom crying about what would’ve happened to me if we didn’t move. They’re both more worried about the prejudice and discrimination.” 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to get at…”

“I know how you feel. Sure, it sucks not knowing how they’ll react. Come out when you’re ready, I’m not gonna force you.”

Alex let out a small sigh. “You seem so confident with your sexuality; I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s not gonna go away so I might as well own it,” She shrugged as she pulled up to Alex’s house. 

“We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay?” 

Alex nodded and gave Jack a kiss good night.


	8. Chapter 7

Since Alex always assumed it’d be years before she’d have a girlfriend, it was weird having Jack in her life in such a way but she was both happy and anxious. Happy because well, she had a super-hot and funny girlfriend and anxious because she was keeping yet another huge secret from everyone. The weight on her shoulders was just getting so heavy and she had no clue how she was going to last for the rest of the year.

It was only made worse when she couldn’t see Jack during school expect for English class. Her friends already didn’t like her and there was really no chance to see each other.

They’d been together for a few weeks and they didn’t have much excuse to hang out anymore since they’d submitted their English project. Her mom would no doubt breathe down her neck and ask why she was hanging out with Jack over Stacy and Rory. So they usually met out of the house, Alex saying she was going out with friends. Her parents didn’t question her on that but with her luck they probably thought she was meeting with a boy. 

“You shouldn’t go too crazy babe,” Alex commented as Jack picked out different flavours of frozen yogurt, clearly not even trying to attempt to make the presentation nice. 

“This isn’t Gordon Ramsay,” was all she responded with. 

“It’s your stomach, not mine. But it is my car you might puke in.” 

“Hey, I’ve got a stronger stomach than you think!” Jack argued. 

“If you say so.”

Jack seemed to amend Alex’s advice, seeming to go for the most disgusting combination she could think of when adding toppings. 

“So, Bad Neighbours 2. What’s your verdict?” Jack asked Alex, taking a bite of her sickening concoction of frozen yogurt as the pair sat in the mall’s food court. 

“Mostly I’m in love with Chloe Grace Moretz,” she replied, taking a bite of her comparatively modest creation. 

Jack nodded in agreement. “Super-hot,” she said. “Not as good as the original though.”

“I’m not against making Dave Franco gay though. That proposal scene melted my heart,” she said, smiling at the memory of the scene. She and Jack were borderline squealing in their seats. 

Jack nodded in agreement. “I can’t believe he’s related to James Franco who’s super crusty.”

Alex laughed at that. “You shouldn’t say that too loudly; a straight girl might attack you.”

“Hey, I love Freaks and Geeks as much as the next guy, but he’s super crusty.” 

Alex snorted to herself and continued to eat. 

“You want a bite of mine?” Jack asked, pointing down to her frozen yogurt. Alex stared down at the multiple flavours and variant of toppings. 

“I’m a little scared of throwing up,” Alex concluded, her eyes going back to Jack’s face.

“Just a bite,” Jack asked, batting her eye lashes. 

Alex huffed. “Fine, just because you’re pretty.”

Jack grinned and took a scoop of ice cream. “Open up.”

Alex rolled her eyes and begrudgingly opened her mouth, allowing her girlfriend to feed her. She wasn’t sure what to expect but her expectations were low. When Jack did put the spoon in her mouth, she was met with the strangest mix of flavours. 

“So?” Jack asked.

“Disgusting,” Alex concluded. “There’s something seriously wrong with you.”

Jack shrugged and took a large scoop, eating it with a smirk on her lips, Alex rolling her eyes but let a smile grow on her lips anyway. 

…

Alex’s tongue was between her teeth as she shaded in the two figures in her sketch to create silhouettes. She tried to make the genders of the silhouettes as ambiguous as possible as the figures foreheads touched. It was close to what she wanted but not totally. In her perfect world, they wouldn’t be ambiguous. 

Since it was further in the year, Mrs Bokan circled the room less, however it was getting closer to when there should be a final idea. Alex had gone through way more sketches than she could count, still not happy with what she had. She had to figure out something before the new year, which was still a while away but she needed to get started on something that wasn’t a sketch.

She was in a creative block. She hadn’t liked anything she’d created. And the longer she stared at the ambiguous figures, the thick layers of lead covering the papers, enough to patch onto her hand. It looked awful, the figures didn’t look silhouetted, it looked like a mess. It looked like those black paint blots you see in psychologist’s offices. No, it looked like she’d let a child draw it. 

She groaned, tore it out and threw it towards the bin. She missed, and she heard it fall onto the ground. She saw Mrs Bokan glance at her and she made her way over to her, picking up the discarded paper. She placed it onto Alex’s desk.

“Not happy?” she asked. Alex shook her head. “Can I look at it?”

Alex shrugged. Mrs Bokan always respected artists like that, she wouldn’t look at work unless you allowed her. Even if they had been on the floor and meant to be in the bin.

She carefully unrumpled the paper and looked at the work.

“I like what you have,” she said. “You seem to be a fan of silhouettes.”

Alex shrugged. “Thought it’d look better but I don’t know.” 

“You do usually use colour,” she nodded. 

“I wanted to try something different.”

Mrs Bokan nodded. “Maybe try something with more detail, unless it’s not what you want to go for.”

She nodded and stared down at the crumpled paper. The only thing she could say she liked was that there were two people. She hated how ambiguous it was, how little detail there was, she hated there was no colour. Maybe she could just revert to her normal style, she hated how sloppy this looked.

“Thank you,” she said. Mrs Bokan smiled at her and returned to her desk. 

Alex opened a clean piece of paper in her sketchbook. She smoothed down the page, and old habit of hers. She sharpened her pencil and started to draw, properly draw. She didn’t know what she’d totally do yet but letting her wrist go free really helped.


	9. Chapter 8

Of all the things Alex wouldn't be expected to be asked, it was the question Jack had texted her. 

'Do you have a fake ID?'

She stared at her phone, processing the question. Why would Jack ask her that, of all questions? Why would she need to know this? Instead of letting the question weigh on her mind, she asked her. 

‘Why?’

'Me and the guys were going to a karaoke bar. Fake I.D is needed'

A karaoke bar? Of all things, a karaoke bar? Alex had expected it was to get into a club or just buy some alcohol but a freaking karaoke bar? Sure, it was still a bar but she chuckled at the fact that of all places you could use a fake ID a seventeen-year old would pick a place where people watch you sing off key. 

'50 bucks also works. I know a guy'

Alex thought about it for a moment. If they got caught her parents would kill her. On the other hand, she could avoid alcohol and just enjoy the music. Although $50 was a lot of money to spend on something that she'd probably only use once. Or maybe more if she continued to hang out with Jack and her friends. She didn't know what they were into, hell she hadn't even spoken to any of them. 

But there was nothing wrong with letting lose once in a while, right? She was young and she wouldn't be the only teenager who would have a fake I.D. 

After agreeing to meet Jack she drove to meet Jack at the directions given. She found herself at a small book store, one of those independent ones you rarely see. From what she could tell from the outside it seemed a bit more vintage. Jack said she was inside waiting so Alex headed inside. 

The store was even smaller than it appeared to be from the outside, the walls lined with bookcases displaying books with cracked spines and tables piled with books with yellowed pages. She saw a cat sleeping in a bed in the corner as well. Jack was standing at the counter as she expected. 

What she wasn't expecting was a man of Asian descent with spiky black hair that appeared to have glitter in it standing behind the counter. He was dressed quite extravagantly, in a purple suite of all things. 

Off to the side was another guy, about 21 maybe, head to toe sporting black. From what she could tell he was a little shorter than the guy Jack was talking to; not too much, probably about an inch or so. He was reading a book she could only assume was merchandise due to its condition similar to the books surrounding her. 

"Oh cool, you're here," Jack grinned. "Magnus, this is Alex, the girl who needs a fake ID. Alex, this is Magnus, fake ID extraordinaire." 

"Don't forget the charming boy back there," Magnus said, nodding over to the guy. 

Jack rolled her eyes. "And that's Alec, Magnus's antisocial boyfriend."

"Heard that," Alec muttered. 

"You were meant to," Jack replied in a sing song voice. 

“You were right though, she’s quite pretty,” Magnus remarked. 

Alex felt her face heat up and made her way to Jack’s side. From closer observation of Magnus, Alex noticed he was wearing gold, cat like contact lenses and multiple piercings on his ears, as well as some eyeliner on his waterline. She could also faintly smell sandalwood on him, which was probably soap. 

“So of all places to get a fake ID, you do it in a bookstore?” Alex remarked, with a raised brow. 

“I can have multiple hobbies,” Magnus shrugged. 

Alex nodded, realising she wasn’t going to get much out of him.

"Anyway, are we gonna get to that fake ID?" Jack asked. 

"Does she have money? It's not going to be free because I like you," Magnus replied. “I have to really like you for that.”

"I have it," Alex interjected, reaching into her pocket and flashing the note.

Magnus took the note and examined it for a second. "Perfect, let's make you 21."

Magnus lead her to the back room and Alex saw there was a camera set up. After the photo was taken Magnus said to give him fifteen minutes and to just wait in the store. When she walked through the door Alex saw Jack talking to Alec, who was looking up from his book for the first time since she’d arrived. 

Alex awkwardly made her way to Jack’s side, who had just noticed she had come back into the room. Jack smiled at her when she reached her side. 

“Magnus said it’ll be fifteen minutes,” Alex said. “When are we meeting your friends?”

“Outside the bar in half an hour,” Jack replied. Alex felt a little weird about going with Jack’s friends. She’d never even spoken to any of them, entirely only seeing them in passing at school. She had a class with at least one of them in about half her classes but she’d never seen a reason to talk to them. She wasn’t even sure they knew she and Jack were dating. She wouldn’t expect her to tell them without asking if Alex was okay with it.

“Are you going to that Karaoke bar?” Alec asked. Now that Alex was closer to him, she noticed his eyes were an intense blue. Suited him well with the black hair too. He too smelt like sandalwood. Definitely soap, and she kind of found the idea they shared soap of a specific scent sweet. 

“Yep,” Jack nodded.

“And will you be singing?”

“What are you trying to imply, Lightwood?” 

He shrugged. “I’ve heard you sing, you’re not too great.”

“And to think I liked your bluntness. And yes, I will be singing. It’s meant to be fun.”

“Can your girlfriend sing at least?” he asked, looking at Alex. Alex felt her cheeks warm up. How the hell did he know? Did Jack tell him?

“Are we that obvious?” Jack asked. 

Alec nodded. “Yeah, she kind of reminds me of myself before I came out,” Alec explained.

“How were you before you came out?” Alex asked.

“Acting like I wasn’t totally in love with Magnus but everyone could tell I was,” He shrugged.

Alex blushed. She didn’t love Jack, she only really liked her at this point. She still nodded though because she understood what he was trying to say. 

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question,” Alec said. “Can you sing?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, I can sing okay. Not usually in front of people though.” 

“Ooh, you definitely should sing then,” Jack said. “You never said you could sing.”

“Yeah, for this exact reason,” Alex muttered. 

Alex felt something brush against her leg and she looked down to see the cat she saw sleeping. She wasn’t really a cat person so she wasn’t sure how to relax.

“That means he likes you,” Alec said.

“Okay,” Alex said. “What’s his name?”

“Chairman Meow, but we usually call him the Chairman.”

“Chairman Meow? Seriously?” Alex laughed.

“Magnus named him, not me. And it’s better than ‘Fluffy’ or ‘Snowball’.”

Alex simply shrugged with a laugh. 

About ten minutes later Magnus came from the back room, and walked behind the counter to stand next to Alec.

“Here it is,” he said and handed Alex the, admittedly, convincing looking card. 

"And I don't do refunds," Magnus said as Alex stared at the card. 

Alec snorted, by his side. "Always at the last minute."

"You know I do love you for the snark but please be quiet." Alec responded by giving him a playful shove.

"Aw, you guys are almost goals," Jack joked. 

"I thought your friends were that," Magnus replied, probably referring to Adam and Ronan, Alex concluded. 

"You both are," Jack said, showing her white teeth.

“Whatever, you and your lovely lady enjoy your night.”

“Will do!” Jack said and took Alex’s hand and walked her out of the store.

“They seemed nice,” Alex said.

“They are, Magnus can come off a little strong and you saw how Alec was.”

“They were really different, surprised that would work out.”

“They do say opposites attract,” Jack smiled. 

“I guess, but they still both smelt like sandalwood.”

“I know, out of all things you’d want to smell like, why would you choose fucking sandalwood.” Alex snorted at that which made Jack smile. “Anyway, Ronan dropped me off here so we can drive in your car.”

“Speaking of… do your friends know about us?” Alex and hesitantly as they stepped into her car. 

Jack shook her head. “No, I knew you wouldn’t be comfortable. I can tell them tonight if you want.” 

“Are they okay that I’m coming?”

“Why wouldn’t they be?” Jack asked, raising her brow. 

“I don’t know; I’ve never spoken to them. And I don’t exactly have the most liberal friends.”

“Well they’ll find out you’re cool, don’t worry. They’re really nice, and they’ll definitely like you when they find out we’re together.”

Alex simply focussed on the road. “It’s a left?”

“Yeah,” Jack replied. 

After a moment of silence, Jack asked, “Will you tell them?”

“Who?”

“Your friends, about us?” Jack asked, biting her lip.

Alex exhaled through her nose. “I don’t know.”

“But they’ll have to find out sometime, right?”

“I know but I’m not ready for them to reject me.”

“But if you know they’ll reject you why be friends with them?”

“Look, Stacy’s been my best friend since we were six. And Rory’s been my friend since middle school. Those friendships are too long to just give up.”

“But-“

“Jack,” Alex cut in. “I’m not coming out to them, okay? I’ve thought about this before and you knew going into this they didn’t know. So please, just drop it.”

Jack stared at her for a moment, Alex seeing defeat in her eyes. “Fine, but how would they react if they knew who you were spending the night with?”

“Not pleasantly at all.”

“Well then maybe that tells you what kind of friends they are.”

“I know,” Alex said quietly. “It’s just hard to let them go because they do have good qualities.”

“I get it,” Jack sighed. “You don’t have to come out.”

“I’m okay with your friends knowing.”

Jack smiled. “I’m glad.”

Alex pulled up to the karaoke bar and Alex followed Jack to where her friends were waiting outside the bar.

“Sorry we took so long,” Jack said.

“We’re used to your lateness,” Lyndsey said with a shrug and when she saw Alex she sent her a smile. 

“God, it’s good to know my friends like me,” Jack replied with a fake smile. “So that’s Lynn, Jess, Ronan, and Adam.” Jack said, nodding as she introduced each of her friends. Alex knew all their names – although she didn’t know Lyndsey went by Lynn – but it was nice to be properly introduced. 

“And guys, this is my girlfriend, Alex.”

They seemed a little thrown off by ‘girlfriend’ but a smile grew on Lynn’s lips. “Well that explains why you’ve been ridiculously happy.”

Alex smiled and Jack took Alex’s hand. “Yeah, definitely.”

“Well are we gonna get in?” Ronan asked, his arm slung over Adam’s shoulders. “It’s fucking cold out here.”

“Potty mouth,” Jack teased. “But yeah, it is fucking cold.”

They lined up and the line wasn’t too long but it was enough time for Alex’s nerves to settle down. What would happen if the bouncer figured out her I.D was fake? Would they call the police? What if the others’ ID’s worked and they left her alone? What if her fake ID made the bouncer realise the others are fake and she was the reason they didn’t get in?

Ronan was the first to show his ID and the bouncer seemed to only glance at it before giving it back. The others followed in suite and when it was Alex’s turn she was able to calm herself down and act casual. Like with the others, it was only a glance and he gave it back to her. Alex joined the others and Jack was almost immediately on her tale. 

“That was a little too easy,” Alex said when they were out of the bouncer’s earshot.

“Magnus is good at what he does,” Jack shrugged. 

“Planning to sing tonight?” Jess asked Alex. 

“Depend on what songs there are,” Alex shrugged.

“We could do a Taylor Swift duet,” Jack suggested.

“Depends on the song,” Alex smiled back. 

They grabbed a booth and Alex saw there was a folder on the table. Picking it up she realised it was the list of available songs. 

“See anything you like?” Jess asked. 

Alex skimmed for a bit and smiled when she saw a familiar song. “I really like Love Me Like You Do.”

“You can write your name down over there,” Jack nodded to a spot near the stereo that was being occupied by another guy. “I have a few songs I wanted to do too so we can go up when we’ve all decided.”

“Actually, Alex, do you like Say Something?” Lynn asked, Alex nodding, “You want to do a duet on it? I’ve been trying to get someone to do it with me but no one will.”

“Forgive us for not knowing the song,” Ronan said, rolling his eyes. 

“But you’re still gonna do their song Hold Each Other with me, right?” Jack asked. 

“Of course.”

They wrote their names on the list, Adam left to watch the table since he was only going to sing with Ronan. The guy watching the list and stereo greeted them.

“Good to see you guys again,” he said and his eyes fell on Alex. “New friend?”

“I’m Alex,” she said. “I’m Jack’s girlfriend,” She added. Maybe she could practice telling strangers, that could make the whole situation easer. 

“Well nice to meet ya, hope you can handle her.”

“Gee, thanks,” Jack laughed. 

If Alex was being honest, she’d say no one was too great of a singer. Some could at least carry a tune but they were all clearly enjoying themselves, which added to the fun.

She hadn’t had any alcohol, unlike the others, sticking with water. She didn’t want to risk smelling like it when she got home. 

She did have a lot of fun during the night. Even though she barely knew Lynn, it was fun to sing Say Something with her, and she definitely enjoyed her voice a lot. When Jack came up, her choice was Cool for the Summer. It was definitely out of her vocal ability but Alex enjoyed watching how much fun she was having. It was clear no one cared about singing ability, that at the root of it, this was all just fun. 

Ronan and Adam had chosen to the Troy Sivan song Wild, which, according to Jack, was apparently their song.

“I swear to god they’re gonna dance to it at their wedding,” Jack said.

“You that sure they’ll get married?” Alex asked.

“They’re ridiculously in love, so I say yes,” Jack smiled. 

Alex looked back at the two and smiled when she saw how happy the two looked. He was slightly stiff when he and Jack did Hold Each Other but there was no doubt nothing but love in their eyes.

“I concur,” Alex replied. 

Alex and Jack did end up doing a song together, that being Fearless by Taylor Swift. Their shared love for the song made it even more fun to do. It was definitely the most fun she’d had all night, even if their voices didn’t match and their singing abilities were different. 

“So did you have fun?” Jack asked when they were driving home. 

“A lot,” Alex smiled. “Any other illegal uses of these IDs planned?”

“We only use them for alcohol and bars,” Jack said. 

“How did you know Magnus anyway?”

“Alec went to our high school and he hooked us up,” Jack explained. “He’s Isabelle Lighwood’s brother.”

“Oh, I think I know her,” Alex replied. “She seems nice.”

“She’s a sweetheart.”

When Alex pulled up to Jack’s house, she left her with a good night kiss, Alex’s heart fluttering in response.


	10. Chapter 9

The following day, Stacy had texted Alex if she wanted to hang out overnight at her place. They hadn’t had a sleep over of just the two of them in a while so Alex agreed. She was still feeling really good after her night out and a night with her best friend would make things even better. She agreed to it and got her stuff together, being the forgetful type. She couldn’t count how many times she’d forgotten something like her toothbrush or deodorant. 

This was something else she cherished, the sleep overs. If she told Stacy the truth about her sexuality, and by some small chance she did accept her, there was no way they’d still do stuff like this. Not just sharing the double bed but the spending alone time together. It had always been platonic on Alex’s end but who knew what kind of conclusions Stacy would jump to. For all she knew those times when they practiced kissing at eleven was just a wicked deception on Alex’s part. She didn’t want that to be the end of their friendship, she really didn’t. She wanted Stacy to be comfortable around her while having full knowledge of her sexuality. 

Unfortunately, she wasn’t naïve enough to think it wouldn’t happen. 

She shuffled through her movies, seeing if there was anything good to bring. She had some lesbian movies like Imagine Me and You and Life Partners, but she kept those hidden under her bed just in case anyone came across them in her main storage. 

She ended up settling on Pitch Perfect and Bridesmaids since Stacy didn’t own either of them but they both loved them. It was just going to be a fun night and that’s all she was going to focus on.

“Doing anything fun tonight?” Alex’s mom asked when she got down stairs. 

“Yeah, staying over at Stacy’s,” Alex replied.

“Didn’t you just spend time with her last night?” her mom asked.

Shit, why didn’t that occur to her? She didn’t say who she was out with the other night but her mom always assumed it was Stacy or Rory. Lying was probably the safest option.

“Yeah but seeing each other again won’t hurt,” Alex shrugged.

“…You know, you never told me how Homecoming went,” her mom said, hesitance in her voice. 

“I didn’t?” Alex asked, biting her lip. “I thought I did.”

“No, so how’d it go?”

“Uh, like I said it was a set up. Chris is nice but I just don’t like him like that way.” Half-truths were becoming the main narrative of her life. 

“Any particular reason?” Her mom asked, raising her brow. 

“Our personalities just didn’t mesh well.” Again, mostly true. She just had to wait until college, then she can tell her parents, most likely with a note. She wished she was ready but she just wasn’t. She wished she could tell her mom she had a girlfriend and she meshed well with her, that she does like the way she should like Chris. It was an exhausting weight on her shoulders and she knew there was only one way to life it. But lifting if off was harder than holding it up. It wouldn’t last forever and that was the only thing that kept her going. She just hoped it wouldn’t destroy her first relationship, that Jack would have some patience. She didn’t expect Jack to wait forever though and even if she broke up with her, Alex couldn’t blame her. What out and proud girl would want to date a girl who refused to come out, a girl who pretended to like boys when she had to, a girl she was. 

“Do you want me to drive you to Stacy’s then?” 

Alex shook her head. “Don’t worry, I’ll drive myself.”

Her mom mother nodded, and Alex made her way to her car. She would just enjoy her night. Not think about coming out or boys or anything. Just enjoy her best friend’s company. 

When she got to Stacy’s house the first thing she noticed was that Stacy’s parents’ cars weren’t there. Weird, she would’ve mentioned that. 

Alex walked into the house, she’d known the family long enough to be able to just walk in. And she was greeted by Stacy who was grinning ear to ear. 

“Okay, so I kind of lied,” was what she said.

“Oh no,” Alex replied. 

“I’m throwing a party,” she said.

“Stacy!” Alex argued. Seriously? If she knew what the plan actually was she probably wouldn’t have come. The last thing she wanted to do was spend the night with people she didn’t like or know, not when she was lead to believe 

“You told me we’d just be hanging out.”

“No, I asked you to spend the night. You can still spend the night but I just wanted to throw a party.”

“Stace…”

“Come on, we’re seniors. It’s normal.”

“But what if there’s a huge mess? What if something gets broken?”

“I’ve already sent out a Facebook invite, and Rory, Mark, Nick are getting a keg.”

Alex sighed, she figured there was no use arguing. So she and Stacy went up to Stacy’s room to leave her things and borrow Stacy’s makeup. Thank god her routine was so simple BB cream, blush, mascara, and lip gloss would suffice. Rory came sometime during with Nick, Mark, and Chris. She shouldn’t have been so naïve to think he wouldn’t be here too, even after their disaster of a date. It was like they had some sort of fantasy where all three of them dated guys who were friends. Alex knew arguing about it would lead to nowhere, as usual, so she decided it was best to just drop it. 

“You want to borrow a dress?” Stacy asked as Alex applied some lip gloss. 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Alex asked, looking at her through the mirror.

“Jeans and a hoodie just won’t cut it.”

At this point Alex was just going to let Stacy do whatever she wanted. So after she begrudgingly agreed, Stacy went for her closet and chose a dress like she already knew she was going to get it, which she probably did. 

It was a tight, black strapless dress. The kind that left very little to the imagination. Alex did like dresses but she never felt entirely comfortable wearing really tight dresses. She hated drawing attention to herself and she felt that kind of dress would do exactly that. 

“That’s a little… much, isn’t it?”

“I think you’ll look awesome,” Rory said. “Chris will definitely like it.”

Alex bit her tongue, sticking with her decision to not argue about it again. Maybe she should just have fun, but this sounded a hell of a lot less fun than the karaoke bar last night. It was so much fun goofing around with Jack and her friends, just enjoying singing off tune to songs they loved. The whole atmosphere of the bar was the best part. A house party wouldn’t measure up to it, it didn’t have the same atmosphere or company. 

Once again, she could only begrudgingly agree to it and as Rory and Stacy choose their own dresses she started to make her way to the bathroom. 

“You know you can get changed in here?” Rory said. This always happened, Alex always hated these kind of situations, even though she never looked at them but she felt like a creep, like she was taking advantage of them. She knew she shouldn’t feel like this but it just added to her guilt of lying to them. She tried to change alone when she could but Stacy and Rory were so comfortable around each other that they seemed to not really think about Alex being uncomfortable. 

“Uh… right.” Alex said. She still turned away when she changed and distracted herself with her phone when Stacy and Rory got changed. They went downstairs five minutes before people were due to arrive. Alex was dreading to see Chris but of course with her luck Jeffery had to be there too. 

“Damn, you girls look good,” Jeffery said with a wolf whistle. Alex rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything.

“Too bad you can’t have it,” Stacy replied with a smirk. 

“Two out of three at least,” Jeffery said, looking Alex up and down. Alex felt like she was going to be sick. God she hated this guy.

“Or three out of three,” she replied. She decided to drop the idea of staying quiet, the last thing she wanted to do was laugh at some misogynistic joke. 

“Are you sure?” he asked giving her a smirk, still scanning her body. 

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but Stacy spoke before she could. “He’s just making a joke, relax.”

“Yeah, you’re being over sensitive,” Rory interjected. 

Alex took a deep breath, remembering why she kept her mouth shut. 

“Whatever,” Alex said. “Where’s the keg?”

“Now you’re talking!” Nick said. “We haven’t put the tap in yet so I’ll go get it set up.”

“You’re a saint,” Alex said with a smile. She could be the cool girl who just drank beer and pretend she didn’t get upset over sexist jokes. 

While Nick, Mark, and Jeffery went to wherever the keg was, for the first time that night, Alex took a chance to look at Chris. He seemed to be contemplating her, as if he was unsure what to say to her. She never really told him how she felt about him, or what she lacked to feel about him. She just didn’t talk to him after Homecoming and simply hoped he’d get the message. Maybe that wasn’t the best option but she was already a coward, it’s not like she could really approach him and tell him she didn’t like him in any romantic way. His crush on her was obvious, and that made it so much harder. Especially now that she was dating Jack.

“So was it an open invite, Stace?” Alex asked, glancing at her and returning to ignore Chris. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be so much fun.”

“Well I’m not helping you clean up in the morning,” she replied with a smile. Just make light hearted jokes, that’s all she needed to do.

“There’s some people coming from other schools so maybe you’ll meet a hottie.”

At those words Alex glanced to where Chris was standing, seeing he was no longer there; he probably went with the other guys when she wasn’t looking.

“Nah, I don’t really want to hook up with a stranger,” she said, focussing back on Stacy. 

“Well, there’s always Chris-“

“No,” she said defiantly. “I’ve told you a million times, I don’t like him like that.”

“Why not? Are you seeing a guy you haven’t told me about?”

“No,” she said, maybe a little too quickly. “I’m just not interested.” 

Stacy rolled her eyes. “Fine, but if you feel like being honest, I’ll be here.” And she walked off to the kitchen. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Rory asked. Alex glanced at her and she felt so bad when she saw the sad look in her eyes. Rory never took lying well, even though she wasn’t lying. She definitely didn’t have a boyfriend. 

“I don’t have a boyfriend and if I did, you guys would be the first to know,” she said in the sincerest tone she could. She had to keep reminding herself she wasn’t lying; she was just omitting truth. 

“Okay, but are you sure you won’t hook up with a guy?”

“I’m just not a fan of that,” Alex replied honestly.

“And are you sure you won’t want to hook up with Chris?”

“God, why do you guys keep bringing him up?” she grunted.

“We just want you to be happy, that’s all.”

“Why do I have to be happy with him?” Alex argued.

“He’s friends with Mark and Nick, we’d be able to hang out and go to prom together. We could get split if you went with someone else.”

On some off chance that someone else could be Jack, and there was no way Rory or Stacy would want to spend time with her and her friends. Even though she’d never spoken to any of them before the karaoke night, she felt strangely comfortable with them. Maybe it was because she wasn’t hiding anything from them, not the biggest part of herself at least. 

“Rory, don’t worry about me. Seriously, it doesn’t matter whether or not I go with someone. It’s not that big of a deal?”

“Prom isn’t a big deal?” Rory asked, wide eyed. Alex could almost laugh at her reaction. She never understood why dances were such a big deal to people, but the last thing she wanted to do was upset Rory.

“I’ll get a good date on my own, don’t worry,” She assured her, squeezing her arm. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

As people started to arrive Alex found herself drifting to the side, just watching peoples’ interactions. She didn’t see anyone she was on speaking terms with so she could really only people watch. Stacy and Rory hadn’t forced her into interacting with anyone and, surprisingly, hadn’t forced any guys onto her. She was a little bored sitting alone but she could get through the night. 

“You seem lonely,” a cocky voice said. Alex rolled her eyes as Jeffery approached her. 

“What do you want?” Alex grunted, not bothering to hide the annoyance in her voice. 

“Just trying to make conversation,” he said, a smirk on his lips.

Alex rolled her eyes, wishing she had her phone. She was too nervous about it breaking so she left it in Stacy’s room. She hated being stuck here but she hated talking to Jeffery more.

“I meant it when I said you looked good in your dress,” he said with a wink. 

“And I care about your opinion because?” she asked, raising her brow at him. 

“Hey, I’m just saying it hugs your ass real nice.”

Alex shivered in disgust. She had no clue how guys could think talking to girls like this was acceptable. She felt pretty violated if anything. Maybe if it was Jack she’d be okay with it, but she took Jack as the type to only say it if she was okay with it. 

God she wished she was hanging out with her right now. 

“Most people pay a compliment with a ‘thank you’,” Jeffery said when Alex didn’t reply. 

“I’d rather you left me alone,” she replied. 

“Oh come on, don’t be so uptight.”

“I’m not being uptight; I’d just prefer you left me alone,” she snapped. 

“You know what I think,” he replied, stepping closer to Alex. “I think you act like this, because you like me.”

Alex stared at him for a moment. He couldn’t be serious. He thought she liked him. How did he carry that ego on his shoulders?

“Uh, yeah, I don’t.”

“Oh, I think you do,” he said with a smirk. “Why else would you act like you hate my guts?”

“Maybe because you’re a cocky asshole?” Now would be a great time for the ground to swallow her up. 

“Or, you like me.”

Alex snorted. “Maybe you should deflate your head a little,” she replied. 

“You know; any girl would kill to go out with me.”

“Then I feel bad for them having such low standards.”

“You say that like you’re the best girl out there.”

“Would you just leave me alone?” she replied, close to her breaking point. Why couldn’t he just take a hint? Why did he have to be overly persistent? She did have to wonder if he even liked her or he was just trying to entertain himself. Whether with a hook up or just to watch her uncomfortable reaction.

“You’re much too pretty to be left alone,” he replied and tried to step closer to Alex. She stepped back, her arms crossing over her chest. 

“No need to act like you’re scared of me, we could go upstairs.”

Alex sent him a glare. “How about no,” she said through her teeth. 

“You sure?”

“As sure as I can be.”

“Fine, but if you change your mind, I’ll be by the keg.”

And he walked off, leaving with a final smirk. Alex took a deep breath and without a second thought ran upstairs. She just needed to get to Stacy’s room, take off this stupid dress and just text Jack until her eyes lids were too heavy to keep open. 

But her luck was not going her way tonight and found a sock on Stacy’s doorknob, quiet moaning coming from the room.

“Jesus Christ,” she said through gritted teeth. In the mist of her frustration and not even caring she was wearing open toe shoes, she kicked the door and kicked it hard. She ignored the pain shooting up her leg and stormed off in frustration. She walked into the first open door she saw, thankful that it was the bathroom. She went straight for the sink and turned on the cold water to splash her face with, not caring about messing up her makeup. 

“What’s eating you?” a voice said, causing Alex to slightly jump. She didn’t notice the two girls standing in the bath by the open window smoking. She recognised the girls as Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fairchild. Clary was in her art class so she was a little friendly with her. The smell of the smoke hit her nose and she wrinkled her it. She hated the smell of smoke, she would’ve usually left by now, making an excuse but to her own surprise, she stayed. 

“Well, my best friend tricked me into coming here, forced me into this damn dress, I was harassed by an asshole, and now my friend’s getting fucked by her boyfriend holding my phone captive.”

She didn’t know why she blurted everything out, but her frustration had reaching its breaking point. She wanted to get the fuck out of here but she needed her keys and her phone. She was seriously considering barging into Stacy’s room to grab her things.

“Jesus, you sound like you need a smoke,” Isabelle said.

Alex stared at the girls as Isabelle took out her box of cigarettes and took one out. In any other instance, she would’ve declined. But maybe it was something she needed to calm herself down. Alex stepped closer to the two and took the cigarette and the lighter. She placed it in her mouth and lit it, taking a slow drag. She immediately coughed when the smoke hit her lungs. The only other time she had smoked was in eighth grade when Rory stole her brother’s. She ended up taking three showers just to get the smell off. 

“You okay?” Clary asked. Alex nodded and took another drag, stopping herself from coughing again, ignoring the feeling of her lungs burning. She couldn’t deny that it was helping her calm down. 

She sat silent as the two talked as if she wasn’t there. She zoned out anyway, taking long slow drags. 

“So are you sure Magnus won’t give us those ID’s?” Clary asked in between drags.

“Alec still said it’s a no, so thank that little boyfriend of yours for getting us these.”

“Yeah, Jace being a year older than us is definitely a benefit in some areas.”

Alex almost cut in about knowing Alec and Magnus although she decided against it. Although she did find it funny Alec wouldn’t let Magnus sell a fake ID to them, and that Magnus would listen to him in the first place. Their relationship was definitely stronger than she initially perceived. 

“Can’t believe Magnus won’t just ignore Alec,” Clary grumbled. 

“You know how he is, if there’s anyone he will listen to, it’s Alec.”

“At least they’re happy.”

“True,” Clary nodded.

“Oh, there you are,” a voice cut in. Alex glanced at the door to see Chris. 

She blew the smoke out of her lungs before responding. “What do you want?” She surprised herself with the rude response, but she didn’t want to deal with Chris. He should understand by now she wasn’t interested at all. It was like he wouldn’t stop until they were boyfriend and girlfriend. Why the absolute failure of a date didn’t tell him they weren’t right for each other she’d never know. 

Chris looked taken aback before continuing. “Um, Jeffery said you came upstairs so I just wanted to see you.”

Alex sighed, while trying not to focus on the fact Jeffery was watching her across the room. “Chris, we went on a date. A date I did not want to go on, I’m sorry you can’t take a hint but please just leave me alone, I do not like you like this so can you please just fuck off.”

He stared at her for a moment. Alex would’ve normally felt bad but she was too frustrated at this point. She didn’t want to deal with him anymore, he wouldn’t listen to hints so she just had to say it. She was tired of politely brushing him off, she was tired of hints, she just had to tell him. He was going to keep following her if she didn’t. 

Without another word he walked off. Alex almost felt guilty but she was too tired to care anymore. 

“Damn, he must’ve been harassing you for a while,” Isabelle cut in.

“You have no idea,” Alex grumbled, still staring at the open door. She finished off her cigarette and tossed it out the window. 

“So did it help?” Clary asked. 

Alex nodded. “A little, or maybe it’s something that turns me into a bitch,” she smiled. “I’ll see if my friend is done and I’ll probably head off.”

“See you around school,” Isabelle smiled as Alex left the room. She checked Stacy’s room again and was happy to see the sock had disappeared. Without a second thought she opened the door and saw Stacy and Rory. 

“Hey,” Stacy said with a smile. 

Alex took a deep breath before replying. “I’m going home.”

“What!” Stacy asked. “Why?”

“I just haven’t enjoyed myself,” she said. “I would’ve left sooner if the door wasn’t locked.”

“Sorry,” Stacy muttered. “But you don’t have to go.”

“Just drop it,” Alex said walking to her things. 

“Why do you smell like cigarette smoke?” Rory asked. 

“Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fairchild gave me one.”

“How the fuck did they get in?” Stacy asked with slight angry in her voice and standing up.

“Maybe because it was an open invitation?” Alex suggested.

“Isn’t Lightwood the one with the faggot brother?” Rory asked, raising her brow.

“Exactly why they shouldn’t be here,” and with that she stormed out of the room. Alex rolled her eyes and decided to just change out of Stacy’s dress and leave as quickly as possible. 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay?” Rory asked when Alex was back in the clothes she came in.

“Yes, I’ll see you at school.”

“Does this have to do with Jeffery?”

“Jesus Christ, not everything is about guys!” Alex groaned in frustration. 

“What has been with you lately?”

“Nothing is with me; I am just sick of you guys forcing guys I have no interest in on me.”

“Why are you yelling?”

“I’m not! I just hate being manipulated like this.”

“We only want you to-“

“Be happy, yes I know. You’ve said it before, maybe I just don’t want a boyfriend, so can you just forget about it?”

Rory seemed thrown off by Alex’s outburst, giving Alex time to leave, her phone in hand. She ignored Stacy snapping at Clary and Isabelle, she ignored Chris staring at her across the room, she ignored Jeffery calling her name. She went straight for her car and she texted Jack.

‘Can I crash at your place?’

‘I’ll be waiting by the front door’


	11. Chapter 10

“So what happened?” Jack asked when they got to her room, holding her at the lay on her bed together.

“Stacy tricked me into going to a party she was throwing, then Jeffery harassed me, and then I just told Chris everything and to just leave me alone,” she took a deep breath. “I was so frustrated and when I tried to get to Stacy’s room she of course had to be fucking Mark. And then I ran into Isabelle Lightwood and Clary and I smoked, and I never smoke but I was just so stressed out and I’m starting to just get so frustrated with Stacy and Rory, they just don’t seem to listen to me ever.”

Jack gave her nose a kiss, to Alex’s surprise not trying to reason with Alex or anything like that, her main focus seemed to be to try and calm her down. 

“Do you want to take a shower to get the smell of smoke off yourself?” 

Alex nodded and after Jack got her a towel she made her way into Jack’s en suite.

It felt good to feel the hot water on her skin. She hadn’t thought too much about the smell of smoke but it was nice to scrub the smell away. She tried not to use too much of Jack’s shampoo and conditioner since her hair was so long but the smell was so strong in her hair that it was the best option to get rid of the smell. The smell of citrus wasn’t her favourite scent but she definitely preferred it more than the smell of tobacco. Of all things Jack had, she wasn’t too surprised most of her stuff was from Lush, she seemed so into beauty products that she justified the splurge. They were definitely nice to use though, she’d admit. 

“Do you have a hair dryer?” Alex asked when she got out of the shower, wearing clothes she borrowed from Jack and her hair dripping wet, since it was too long to wrap in a towel.

Jack shook her head. “Sorry, you’ll just have to let it air dry.”

Alex grunted and sat next to Jack on her bed. Jack smiled, burying her head into Alex’s shoulder and taking a deep breath. “You smell good,” she mumbled. 

“I think I just smell better than smoke,” Alex said with a small smile.

“That too,” she said and moved her head up, pressing her lips to Alex’s. “Still taste like it though.”

“Got any mints?”

“Nope, so no kisses.”

Alex snorted. “Seriously?”

“I hate smokes.”

“You’re so cruel.”

“And you’re pretty,” Jack smirked. “I am surprised you smoked though.”

Alex sighed. “I was stressed and it’s all I had, it did help. I’ve done it once before because Rory stole some for us but that’s it.”

“I’ve personally never been a fan.”

“Says the girl that uses a fake ID to get into bars.”

“A bar we sing pop songs in, that’s different.”

“Touché,” Alex muttered. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

Jack kissed her temple. “Just get some sleep, you seem like you need it.”

Alex smiled and tucked herself under the sheets and cuddled to Jack allowing herself to fall into a deep sleep.

…

“You’re not mad at me, right?” Stacy asked walking up to Alex hastily that following Monday. When she woke up on Sunday morning she had to sneak out early so Jack’s parents wouldn’t catch them. They went to a local café for breakfast so Alex wouldn’t have to get home too early and it was a lot of fun. The only downside was the terrible coffee. Alex didn’t understand how a café of all places could have the most watered down tasting coffee she’d ever drank. Jack’s company did make the experience more enjoyable at least. 

Alex sighed at her friend and closed her locker. “No, I’m not,” she said. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

“What happened? I mean, you smoked. Since when did you smoke?”

“I was stressed and it was there, it’s not like it was cocaine or anything.”

“But remember that time we smoked Rory’s brother’s? You said you never wanted to do it again.”

“I probably won’t do it again,” Alex said. “Jeffery was just being a dick and I just wanted to calm down, and Isabelle offered so why not?”

“Ugh, Isabelle is such a slut,” Stacy muttered.

“How so?” Alex asked, raising her brow.

“Have you seen how she dresses to school? And cakes her face with makeup?”

“Are you sure this doesn’t have to do with that fact her brother’s gay?”

“Slightly,” she replied begrudgingly. “I just didn’t want her in my house, remember Simon?”

“Yeah,” Alex remembered that one date all too well. She remembered Simon as the guy she liked before Mark, and she honestly liked Simon much more than she liked Mark. 

“She stole him!”

“Or Simon just liked her?” Alex suggested. If she recalled correctly, Simon asked her out on one date to the movies and never asked her out again. Of course, in Stacy’s eyes it was much more of a tragedy than that. 

“It was humiliating!”

“They seem happy, Simon’s not inclined to like you.” 

“But I liked him first, and she knew that.”

“Maybe Simon liked her but went out with you because you liked him, kind of like how I was forced to go out with Chris?” Alex suggested. 

Stacy glared at her. “It’s not the same thing,” she said flatly. “No one’s trying to steal you from Chris.”

Alex pressed her lips together and huffed. Stacy was impossible to argue with since she was always convinced she was right. But it was that point Alex remembered about snapping at Chris. Maybe she was too much of a bitch to him and way harsher than she had to be. He only liked her, he couldn’t help that. Of course, he didn’t have to peruse her so persistently either. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Alex muttered. When the bell rang she went through her day as passively as usual. She greeted Jack’s friends with a smile and nod in the classes they had together and ignored Jeffery whenever they were in close proximity to each other. 

When lunch rolled around Rory’s greeting was similar to Stacy’s.

“Are you upset with me?”

Alex sighed. “No,” she grunted. 

“I mean, you smoked. Like, you literally smoked. You took like one drag of my brother’s and puked.”

That last part is the part Alex would prefer to forget. “I was stressed and it was only once, I’ll probably never do it again.”

“What happened? Why were you upset?”

“Jeffery was harassing me, and I was stressed out, don’t worry. It’s in the past.”

“I’m just worried about you, it’s like you’re not telling us something.”

Alex bit the inside of her cheek, her nerves catching up again. “I’m not hiding anything, I’m really not. Jeffery’s just an asshole and I was upset Stacy lied to me.”

“You wouldn’t have come if I didn’t,” Stacy interjected, from her spot next to Alex.

“Well, maybe that’s true. But you have to get I don’t like parties, and maybe that’s why I was upset you lied.”

“I still wanted to spend time with you!”

“Well maybe I don’t consider getting drunk with assholes I don’t like ‘spending time together’,” Alex muttered.

“You can’t be a social recluse,” Rory said.

“Well, maybe I just prefer low key things.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, you’re getting overly upset.”

“I’m not overly upset! Just don’t lie to me, you keep on lying. You set me up with Chris even though I told you a million times I didn’t want to go out with him.”

“Speaking of,” Stacy interrupted, “Nick told me how you spoke to him.”

“Oh fantastic,” Alex said sarcastically.

“He was just being nice.”

“Maybe I don’t care if he’s being nice, maybe I’m sick of him not taking a hint and not leaving me alone.”

“You’ve barely given him a chance.”

“I went on one date with him, because you two set us up. That’s more than one chance I was willing to give.”

“Why are you like this? Are you hiding a guy from us?” Rory asked.

“I’m not, I just don’t and won’t ever like Chris that way, and you can’t force me to because of your bullshit prom fantasy. If I go with someone, then I’ll make sure we’re all together. If I don’t, who gives a shit? We’re going to be in college this time next year, I just want to get through this year and be done with stupid high school boys.”

“So you’re calling Chris stupid?”

“Yes, I don’t care that he likes me. I have to the right to date who I want. And do not date. This pressure from you two is fucking bullshit.”

“We just want-“

“I know,” Alex interrupted. “You want me to be happy, maybe a guy won’t make me happy. Maybe a dumb party won’t make me happy. Maybe what would’ve made me happy was a low key sleepover like I was told Saturday night would be.”

Stacy huffed. “Fine, whatever.”

When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch Alex happily made her way to English to her spot next to Jack. She hadn’t seen her since she dropped her off at home after breakfast. They did text a little but that was the extent. 

Mr Aguiar clapped his hands together, his usual signal that class was starting. 

“Before we begin today, I will be gone for the rest of the week,” he said. “You’ll be having a sub until next Monday.”

“Why?” Someone called out, Alex rolling her eyes at the nosiness.

“I’ll be in Florida for my wedding,” he explained, and Alex noticed there was a light in his eyes when he said it. She always thought of that as one of the purest sigs of love. 

“What’s her name?” someone called out.

Mr Aguiar seemed a little thrown off by the question but he answered the question anyway. “His name is Will.”

“Wait, you’re gay?” Jeffery pretty much scoffed out.

“Well, bi. But this class is an English class, not a discussion about my personal life.”

Alex glanced over at Jack, who seemed as surprised as she was, as muttering could be heard under Mr Aguiar voice. Alex really pitied him, he was pretty well liked but it probably ended at this point for a lot of people.


	12. Chapter 11

Alex had always loved October. The leaves changed colour, the weather cooled down, she could wear oversized sweaters, the squirrels were out as she walked her dogs, and most of all, Halloween was close. 

Halloween had been her favourite holiday since she was really young. Initially, fascinated by it at a young age when she would watch American TV when she still lived in England. She couldn’t contain her excitement when her family moved and she could celebrate the holiday with people who were just as excited as she was about it. She remembered dressing as Hermione Granger and was nothing but excited about it as she ran around in her costume and grinning excitedly when people recognised her costume while she Trick or Treated. 

Obviously, Halloween as a teenager was different, usually options for women limited to skin tight costumes. It was times like that she missed being a little kid and would just trick or treat with her friends and making herself sick from too much candy. 

There were most definitely multiple parties going on for it but Alex was still burnt out from Stacy’s party and would prefer to not be an overcrowded house again. 

Maybe Jack and her friends were going to do something more interesting and fun, she was planning to ask her about that when she got the chance. 

“You busy Halloween?” Stacy asked over lunch.

“I don’t know yet,” Alex said. 

“In the mood for another house party?”

“I’m actually not,” Alex said honestly.

“Are you still salty over what happened last weekend?” Rory snorted. 

“No, I just hate house parties,” Alex said. “I might even just stay in and watch horror movies.” Actually, not that bad of a date idea.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You can join me if you want.”

“Actually, I know the park will be playing the old Dracula,” Stacy interjected. “We could go to that.”

Alex couldn’t help but smile. There was her best friend, agreeing to do something Alex would love to do. She forgot the park did that and she had hazy memories of the three of them going to the park in middle school in full costume. 

“God, we haven’t done that in years,” Rory said smiling. 

“All the more reason to do it,” Stacy grin.

“We can dress up like we did as kids,” Alex said, a grin on her face. 

“Well, I guess it would be something different,” Rory said.

“Just the three of us watching horror movies, sounds fucking great to me.”

…

The makeshift theatre at the park was located at a hill, which provided an easy view of the screen as Alex sat in between Rory and Stacy on a picnic blanket. The trio had dressed as witches, all as a sort of group costumes and it definitely catered to their shared witch obsession. 

They hadn’t brought much with them, mostly water and a few packets of M&M’s. Popcorn was being sold and they settled on spitting the charge and sharing a large tub. There weren’t too many young kids, no doubt out Trick or Treating, or their parents felt their child was too young for the movie. That was a relief to Alex, she usually avoided seeing Pixar movies when they initially released to avoid the screaming of young children. Being an only child didn’t allow her to get used to those incessant sounds. 

“Hey, Alex!” A familiar voice called. Alex glanced and saw Magnus ginning ear to ear with Alec by his side, who was holding a box of popcorn. He was smiling in a way that wasn’t as in your face as Magnus but it was still friendly. Alex was surprised they even remembered her.

“Hey Magnus, Alec,” she replied smiling at the couple. She could easily make up and excuse of how she knew the two without mentioning the fake ID. At this point, she was a pro at lying.

“Fan of horror movies, I see,” Magnus said still smiling.

“Love them, better than some boring high school party.”

“Like the one Isabelle and Simon probably went to,” Alec joked. 

Alex laughed. “Yeah, not my thing.”

“Simon’s kind of obsessed with vampires, he’s kind of a nerd like that. But he’s seen this movie so many times that I guess he decided he could miss it this once.”

“His loss, this movie is perfect to watch on Halloween.”

“We’ll leave you three, enjoy the movie,” Magnus said.

“See you around,” Alex replied as the two walked off.

“Who was that?” Rory asked sending Alex a raised brow.

“He owns this indie bookshop,” Alex quickly explained, thankfully without any hesitation. “They were friendly and talked a little.” 

“Wasn’t that Alec Lightwood?” Stacy asked. 

“I don’t know, was it?”

“You mean Isabelle Lightwood’s gay brother?” Rory asked scrunching her nose. 

“Yeah, him,” Stacy nodded, the slightest amount of disgust on her face.

“They’re sitting far anyway, thank god.”

Alex didn’t bother interjecting but she was thankful the couple were too far away to her their remarks. She just distracted herself with popcorn as she waited for the movie to start. So far, seeing Magnus and Alec had been the highlight of tonight. Maybe she should’ve asked Jack to come out with her. A date where she sat between her legs, Jack stroking her long hair as the movie played, pretending they were the only two people in the world. 

“You’re quiet tonight,” Stacy remarked, snapping Alex out of her daze. 

“Just thinking,” Alex shrugged. “Now, shh, the movie is about to start.”

“Okay, boss,” Rory replied.

“Wait, just a moment,” Stacy said and reached for her bag. The pulled into it and, to Alex’s surprise, pulled out a flask 

“Where’d you get alcohol from?” Rory asked, voicing Alex’s thoughts. 

“Mark knows a guy.”

“How do you know it’s safe to drink?” Alex asked.

“Oh, would you just trust me?”

“I trust you, I don’t know if I trust this guy Mark knows.”

“It’s just cheap alcohol, it’ll be fine. It was the best he could get.”

Alex glanced over at the gas station across the street and she knew they sold pre made vodka sodas. She knew what kind of flavours her friends liked and that would be way better than cheap alcohol that could have anything in it. She checked the time on her phone, there was less than ten minutes until the movie started.

“Wait here,” she said and stood up. “And don’t drink that shit.”

“Where are you going?” Rory asked.

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” and before she could be questioned more she jogged off to the gas station. 

When she entered it, it was mostly empty. She walked to the alcohol section, acting like she wasn’t too young to be there. Her fake ID looked legit enough and really, pre made vodka sodas were just like soft drinks, only with a little bit of vodka in them. Harmless. 

When she got to the fridge, she got a guava one for Rory, a watermelon for Stacy, and a cherry for herself. 

“Hey stranger,” a voice behind her said. Alex glanced over to see Ronan and Lynn smiling at her.

“Hey,” she smiled at the two. She hadn’t spoken to them since the karaoke night and she hadn’t at all talked to them without Jack present but so far, they seemed pretty nice and didn’t feel awkward being stopped by them. 

“All three for yourself? I know there’s not that much vodka in it but you’re pretty small,” Ronan continued.

Alex laughed. “No, I’m getting them for my friends too.”

“Yeah, Jack said you were going to the Dracula showing,” Lynn said. “We’re just hanging out at a friend of Ronan’s. You could come by after the movie if you’d like.”

Alex smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” 

“Just text Jack and she can give you the address,” Ronan said. 

She nodded in thanks and took her drinks to the counter. She was received with a raised brow but she casually took out her fake ID and handed it to the cashier, pretending her heart wasn’t hammering in her chest. These had to be ID’s good enough to work outside of a karaoke bar, otherwise why would Jack trust Magnus? 

The cashier squinted at it and the handed it back to Alex, ringing up the drinks. Alex stopped herself from exhaling in relief and took the bag. She made her way back to her friends a few minutes before the movie started. 

“Here,” Alex said and handed them their drinks, surprise on both girls’ faces. 

“Uh, how’d you buy these?” Rory asked, staring at her drink in confusion. 

“Doesn’t matter, just drink it and dump the cheap stuff,” Alex replied dismissively. 

“You’ve been a real mystery lately,” Rory said. “That dude that came over before, abruptly leaving Stacy’s party, and now you have brought alcohol.”

“Should thank me for the last part,” Alex replied, sipping her drink. 

“This does taste better than the shit Mark probably got,” Rory said, taking a sip of her own drink. 

“Fine, more for me then,” Stacy said but started drinking her drink, keeping the flask in her lap. 

…

When the movie finished, Stacy and Rory left Alex to go to her own car. Alex wouldn’t be surprised if they went off with their boyfriends. Alex decided to text Jack to see if she was still at Ronan’s friend’s place. When she found out she was still there she got the address and drove over. It was in the more upper-middle class area of the neighbourhood. Alex had memories of stumbling down there on previous Halloweens and always getting the best candy while mesmerised by the houses and the frequent complexity of the entrances. 

When she reached the house she was thankful to see nothing that indicated a party. No loud music and not a large amount of cars piling up on the street. She was definitely thankful for that, if she wanted to go to that kind of party she would’ve joined Stacy and Rory.

She walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. She wasn’t too surprised to hear a sound the resembled large bells ringing in a tower. 

The person who answer it was a boy about her age and he had brown hair and a smile spreading on his lips.

“Oh, you must be Alex!” he said cheerfully.

Alex nodded. “Yep.”

“Well welcome to casa de Gansey,” he said inviting her in. The house was exactly what Alex expected. Polished marble floor, a white staircase, expensive looking art on the walls, and items that seemed to serve no purpose decorated throughout the house. 

Alex followed the boy – she assumed was named Gansey but the sounded more like a last name than a first – into a living room where Jack, Ronan, Lynn, Adam, Jess, and a couple of other people sat on a couch by a massive flat screen TV. 

“Hey you made it!” Jack grinned at Alex. Butterflies erupted into her stomach at the sight of that. She sat next to Jack and glanced at the TV. It was playing the Nightmare Before Christmas. It wasn’t too far in but she’s seen it enough times to not need it from the start. 

She learned that the boy’s name was Gansey – or really his last name but only his family called him by his first name – and the other people’s names were Henry, Noah, and Gansey’s girlfriend. Gansey had initially called her Jane, only to be quickly corrected by Blue, who gave Gansey an annoyed look. 

Alex shared her popcorn with Jack as well as her diet Coke. Apparently Lynn and Ronan underestimated how many drinks they would all need and a few of them had to resort to sharing a drink. The movie wasn’t watched in total silence, remarks were made every now and then, Alex joining in a few times. She mostly stayed quiet as she cuddled next to Jack. It felt nice to be comfortable to do it in front of strangers. It was rare but she was grateful. It was comfortable, it was a weight off of her shoulders. There was no tension that was starting to build between her and Stacy and Rory. It was just enjoying a movie with some people. She wished this could be how she spent most of her nights.


	13. Chapter 12

“Where are we driving to?” Alex questioned Jack as she sat in the passenger seat. It was Friday night and Jack had texted her, insisting on taking her out. She wouldn’t tell her where they were going or what they were doing, Jack insisting she wanted to surprise her instead. 

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you,” Jack replied in a sing song voice. 

Alex looked out the window. They were still riding on the freeway and Alex still had no clue where they could possibly be going. This general direction could lead to any place. She didn’t wholly recognise where they were going, so all she could do was sit back and wait as Taylor Swift’s 1989 played on Jack’s stereo. 

When All You Had to do was Stay came on Jack grinned and reached for the volume, cranking it up, and started singing off key at the top of her lungs. Alex laughed and joined in, completely drowning out Taylor’s voice in the process. They continued that for the rest of the album and Alex was so caught up in it that she didn’t realise Jack’s car had come to a stop. She looked out and saw that streetlights lit up a quiet boardwalk lined with small stores. 

“We’re here,” Jack grinned as she turned off the ignition. 

Alex turned back to her and smiled. “Okay, this is a nice surprise.”

“I knew you like it,” she grinned, showing her white teeth.

The first place they stopped by was frozen yogurt. Jack was able to convince Alex to have a sickening, mixed concoction that she would probably never get if Jack wasn’t with her. Whenever she was with her she seemed to make more carefree decisions, even if her stomach is going to hate soon. 

“You know,” Alex said as they walked on the boardwalk, taking bites of their frozen yogurt. “The beach is probably the worst place to go in November.” 

“Well, now you know why I told you to dress warm,” she replied. “I’m not going to take you skinny dipping or anything.”

“Yeah, that can wait until it’s Summer.”

“Exactly,” she grinned. 

“It’s quiet though,” Alex continued. “I like that.”

“Exactly why I chose it, if you can handle the cold.”

“I’m English, it’s in my blood,” she shrugged. “Although, the frozen yogurt isn’t totally helping.”

“If you don’t want it, I’ll eat it,” Jack said and aimed her spoon to get some of Alex’s frozen yogurt. Alex dogged her and laughed.

“No, it’s mine. Don’t be greedy.”

Jack smiled at her again and instead of responding verbally, she held Alex’s chin and leaned forward to kiss her. 

“What was that for?” she asked when Jack pulled away.

She shrugged. “Felt like it,” and she wrapped her arm around Alex’s waist and pulled her closer to her as they continued to walk.

They decided to settle at a bench that overlooked the ocean as the continued to eat. They were sitting with their legs rested on the bench, Alex sitting between Jack’s legs. Sitting in that comfortable silence made Alex forget about the cold weather and the freezing treat. Sitting like this with Jack was nice. She could pretend they were far away from their home, even if it was less than an hour away. She could go on a real date with no chance of someone seeing them together. 

She would admit if she had the choice she’d happily go on a date in their home town, to be like Magnus and Alec and go to Halloween horror movie showings together, or be like Adam and Ronan and not care about what people thought about them being in a relationship. Maybe if she was lucky she and her could grow into Magnus and Alec. Right now it felt like she was trapped in limbo, she had a girlfriend like she wanted but she couldn’t tell many people. And not even from being stopped, just from her own cowardice. She didn’t like putting Jack through this but she was happy she was patient. 

“Want to go down to the shore?” Jack asked when they finished eating. Alex grinned and sat up to face her. 

“The water will probably be freezing,” she said. “Let’s do it.”

They got off the bench and ran down to the shore, the tide coming in close as the sun was setting. They’d taken off their shoes and socks and have rolled up their jeans so they could splash in the water. Alex felt the goose bumps on her skin as they both ran around the water. The furthest Alex went was to her knees but Jack went further in, far enough that the water touched the hem of her shirt. 

“You’re insane!” Alex laughed. 

“Come on! Live in the edge a little, it’s only water,” Jack grinned at her.

“No way, I am not getting soaked,” Alex shook her head furiously but didn’t try to pull her hand away when Jack grabbed her arm and pulled her further into the water. While she was being tugged Alex tripped by her own feet and fell into the waist deep and fell head first into the water, meeting the water with a hard splash. 

Even under the water she could tell the water was freezing. She quickly threw her head out of the water, her long hair sticking to her face as she panted. She sat on her knees and could feel the water against her chest.

“You okay?” Jack asked with a slight condescending smirk.

“I’m gonna get you for that,” and she was on her feet and was about to tackle Jack before she ran off towards the shore. Alex chased after her as fast as she could as the water slightly threw off her momentum. 

“Jack! Get back here!” she called and could hear her cackling ahead of her. 

When she was ankle deep in the water Jack turned right back into the water, still running away from Alex. She was still laughing as Alex continued to chase her. Alex was able to pick up speed now that Alex was on the shallow end. She decided to just go for it and jump onto Jack back when she was close enough. Jack was clearly caught off guard and ended up falling over herself, the two of them falling into the water, Alex clinging to Jack’s back. They weren’t as deep as before but Jack still got soaked as a result.

When Alex pulled her hair out of her face Jack was staring at her. They looked at each other for a moment before busting into laughter. Alex was thankful no one was around so see them because they probably would be staring at the two girls.

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Jack said smiling affectionately. She shuffled towards her and kissed her a few times. Alex smiled as she kissed her back. They were so distracted by the other’s lips that they weren’t ready to be hit by a wave, soaking them all over again.

When they pulled away Jack let out a snort. “We should go and get dry.”

Alex nodded in response and they walked to the bathroom, using the hand dryer to attempt to dry off. They were still barefoot and Alex could feel the sand between her toes. She tried to not focus too much on trying to wash it off later.

“You have to admit, it was a little fun,” Jack yelled over the loud sound of the hand dryer, smiling playfully. 

Alex rolled her eyes. “Sure, babe.”

“Oh come on, I was playing around.”

“My hair’s gonna take forever to dry, you know. This thing won’t entirely cut it,” she said, gesturing to the hand dryer, trying to get her shirt dry. She hadn’t ever tried to attempt the challenge that her hair will be. Jack’s hair was still slightly wet, despite the short length, since her hair was so thick. Alex’s hair may be thin but since it was down to her tail bone which would make it harder. 

When they were both as dry as the would be, and Alex had put her socks over her sandy feet, Jack grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to kiss her a few times. 

“How about we go back to my car and I can try and make it up to you,” she mumbled against her lips.

Alex smiled and nodded and the two walked back to Jack’s car hand in hand. 

The back of Jack car was filthy, so Jack had to clear things out – and putting on Halsey’s Badlands, the song Alex had pictured losing her virginity to for a long time – before she had Alex on her back and was kissing her. Alex wished she had a hair tie on her since she could feel her back tugging her hair. While Jack kissed her she awkwardly pushed it to the side so it was falling off the backseat, the ends touching the floor. She was still cold from the beach venture but was thankful Jack had blasted on the heater. 

She felt Jack snicker. “Too much hair,” she mumbled against her lips. Alex didn’t get a chance to respond because she went back to kiss her, tracing her finger along the exposed skin between Alex’s jeans and sweater. Alex kept her hands placed in Jack’s hair. She loved the feeling of it, so soft and short enough that it didn’t get knotted in her fingers but long enough to properly play with. 

Jack began to trace her finger a little higher, and began to trace the skin around her naval. Alex felt her heart race as she did and she let out a small sigh of pleasure. Her sweater began to ride up and Jack pulled away slightly. 

“Is it okay if I…”

“Yes,” she replied, panting lightly. Jack’s hand went slightly higher and Alex shivered in pleasure as her hand brushed over her ribcage. When her hand got to her bra she was hesitant for a moment, waiting for Alex’s approval. 

“Yes,” she said again.

Jack started to run her finger over Alex’s bra, right where the nipple was. Alex shivered in pleasure again, and pulled away so she could moan softly. Jack’s thumb then gently brushed the exposed skin of her breast above her bra. Goosebumps came by the simple touch. While Jack continued Alex pulled off her sweater and the shirt underneath at once. 

“You’re so hot,” Jack breathed. Alex’s face flushed in response, and moaned again when Jack lightly kissed her breasts. “God, your boobs are so nice and big.”

Alex moaned again when Jack’s tongue found the exposed nipple slipping from the bra cup. Jack didn’t have to ask for anything this time as Alex reached to unclip her bra. Jack helped take it off and tossed it off to the side as she took hold of Alex’s breast and delicately took the nipple in her mouth and gently sucked on it.

Alex bit her lip and moved her hand between her jeans, trying to rub her clit through it, since her hands were too weak from pleasure to unbutton her jeans. She felt Jack’s hand cover hers and she unbuttoned her jeans for her. Alex took the chance to start to rub herself, feeling how incredibly wet she was. 

“Fuck,” Jack moaned lifting her head up. “That is so fucking hot.”

Alex bit her lip and stared at Jack as she continued to rub herself. Even in the dark, she could see Jack’s pupils had dilated, her face flushed and she looked down at her. Her hand tugged down at Alex’s jeans and she began to pull them down, along with her panties. Alex kicked off her shoes, followed by her jeans, leaving her completely naked below Jack.

She wasn’t thinking about how if they were caught they were both dead, she was focussing on how Jack’s fingers began to rub her clit. She held back a loud moan, only muffling any noises that came out with her mouth. No one else had ever touched her and feeling Jack’s fingers was a whole new experience. 

Jack began to push her fingers inside of Alex, causing her to see stars. Jack was gentle but if felt so good. Pleasure took over Alex’s body, pushing herself against Jack’s fingers. Jack was smiling down at her, a small smirk on her lips. She leaned down and her lips were back to Alex’s nipple, gently running her tongue around it, still fingering her. Alex had never felt so much pleasure at once, she felt like she was going to explode any moment now. 

Jack began to suck her nipple again, and Alex almost screamed from the pleasure coursing through her veins. Her entire body was on fire and she didn’t know she could feel so much at once. Jack removed her fingers and unclasped her lips on Alex’s nipple, causing Alex let out a small whimper but didn’t complain because Jack’s thumb immediately began to rub Alex’s clit again. Her lips went to Alex’s neck and began to gently kiss and suck the delicate skin. 

Alex panted heavily, feeling her sweat drip down her face. She whimpered Jack’s name over and over as she pressed harder to her clit, causing Alex’s body to jerk with pleasure. Her entire body was on fire as her own hand to reach to rub herself beside Jack’s hand. She heard Jack moan at that, mumbling how hot it was for her to touch herself.

Alex could feel knots pleasure in her stomach. She’d had orgasm in the past but she had never one that felt like it would be this strong. Her body had never gone so weak that she could barely move from the pleasure alone. Her veins had never been this fiery hot. Never had so much sheer pleasure left her almost immobile. 

Finally, her orgasm hit her and hit her hard. The release of energy felt so good, she couldn’t even begin to describe it. She rode her high like she was floating through air as all her built up energy left her in one release.

“Well, that was nice,” Alex panted out, staring up at Jack as a grin stretched on her lips. 

“You did seem to enjoy that quite a lot,” Jack replied but still smiled. She handed Alex her clothes, helping her get dressed.

“Great way to end out date if you ask me.”


	14. Chapter 13

“What’s on your neck?” Stacy asked, leaning in to look at Alex’s neck. 

Alex was still buzzing from her date with Jack and what she realised the next morning was that she had reminders. She’d tried covering the hickey up with her foundation and hoped her hair would provide some extra help but now that Stacy had pointed it out, Rory leaned in to look too.

“Oh my god! Who was it?” Rory asked grinning.

Alex felt her face burn red. Other girls would probably use the hair straighter excuse but they both knew Alex never straightened her hair. 

“It’s nothing,” she dismissed. “I mean, it’s not a hickey,” She didn’t even believe her own weak excuse. 

“Okay, cut the bullshit, who was it? Do we know him?” Stacy asked rather loudly.

“Lower your voice,” Alex hissed when a few people glanced over. One of which was Ronan. She wasn’t surprised he was near since his locker was near hers, and he was also the only one in hearing range who knew who she would’ve actually got the hickey from, hence the smirk on his lips. She almost shot him an annoyed look but she decided to avert her gaze from him and look back at Rory before either of them noticed. 

“Fine, who was it then?” Stacy asked, her eyes full of anticipation. 

“You don’t know him,” she decided to say. It would at least calm them down a little.

“Really, what was he like? How long have you been dating him? How’d you meet him?”

Each question felt like a punch in the gut. She should’ve guessed they’d only have more questions for her.

“Uh, I met him at a concert,” she decided to start.

“When’d you go to a concert?” Rory asked raising her brow.

“It was that Blink182 one a while ago,” she said. “I’ve just been hooking up with him a little. It’s nothing serious.”

“Just hooking up?” Stacy asked giving her a confused look. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

“Yeah, you don’t pay any attention to the guys here but some guy you met at a concert meets your standards?” Rory added.

Alex could feel she was starting to sweat slightly. Great, another obstacle to get around. “It’s not like I’m dating him, just hooking up.”

“How far have you gone?” Stacy asked and Alex could see a mix of interest and a little concern in her eyes.

Alex felt herself blush. “I don’t have to tell you everything.”

“Have you had sex with him?” 

Thankfully, Stacy didn’t shout it this time and no one seemed to have heard the question outside of the three of them. She realised Ronan was still shuffling through his locker, this time joined with Jess. She’d have to ask them how much they heard later.

But the question was a little funny to Alex. The arbitrary views on sex did question if she’d had ‘real’ sex with Jack since she had only fingered her. Sure, it was sex to her but there would definitely be people who would still view her as a virgin until she was penetrated by a penis. Alex stopped herself from shuttering at that thought and turned her attention back to Stacy and Rory. “Define sex.”

“You know perfectly well what I mean,” Stacy quietly snapped back.

“Then no, no penis has gone inside of me.” 

Alex had always been slightly more vulgar than the two, which always seemed to annoy them. And as expected, the two girls rolled their eyes. 

“And I really don’t have a boyfriend so don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Well do you have feelings for him?” Rory asked.

“I don’t, why is my love life so important to you?”

“Well, with your high standards we think you won’t find a guy.”

“Especially before prom!” Stacy interjected. “Like, we can go as a group and stay in a hotel room. It’ll be fun, that’s all.”

“There’s more important things in life than stupid dances,” Alex said rolling her eyes. “Plus, we can still do that but I’ll get a room to myself.”

“We only get to go to prom once,” Rory said. “You should go with someone.”

“Are you gonna force Chris on me again?” Alex asked, holding back a groan.

“We know a lot of guys that would go with you, if it comes down to it and you don’t have anyone you really like then well set you up with someone.”

Alex wasn’t sure how she felt about the so called many guys that liked her. Ever since puberty guys seemed to have noticed her. She wasn’t lacking in the chest department and people had always said her long hair made her look so pretty. 

“Well if I don’t like any of them and I haven’t found anyone to go with I’ll gladly go alone, if I go at all.”

She was thankful to hear the bell finally ring and leave her friends standing alone by their lockers. 

When she got to her first class Adam was the only one there unsurprisingly. She’d always greet him with a smile, as well as Lynn when she was already there too. He had his head bent over a textbook and was both highlighting and taking down notes. She could only wish to be as studious as he was. 

“Morning stranger,” she decided to say. Adam looked up at her, and smiled at her. 

“Morning,” he said. “You’re here early.”

Alex shrugged. “Friends were breathing down my neck.”

His eyes landed on Alex hickey and his smirked as she covered it with her hand. “Good date, huh?” She was thankful he didn’t say any names as more people began to arrive. 

“You’ll have to find out for yourself,” she said and was about to walk off before a voice cut in. 

“Why’re speaking to the fag?” Jeffery asked behind her. She didn’t look back at him, so she saw Adam sink into his seat, and Alex couldn’t help but feel sympathetic. 

“Alex, did you hear me?”

“She was asking for notes, that’s all,” Adam said quickly. “I said no, that’s it.”

Alex mouthed a thank you and stalked to her usual seat, not making eye contact with anyone. Adam was so soft spoken and clearly didn’t like confrontation so she was thankful he saved her neck like that. 

God, she wished she didn’t care so much about what other people thought of her. 

…

Alex moved her food around with her fork, half listening to her parents’ conversation. The whole closeted thing was really starting to put a strain on her. She wished she could just tell Rory and Stacy the truth. Maybe they won’t react like she thought they would. They go on about wanting her to be happy so maybe they’d accept a girl would. Maybe they’d understand the constant lying she did to avoid telling them the truth. Maybe she was just over thinking everything.

But she couldn’t help but remember their snarls at Ronan and Adam, and their disgust over Alec. Maybe it was best to tell them when school ends. Or maybe it was better to just tell them and if they hated her then she’ll just leave them in her past. There was really no telling how she would deal with it. 

Then there were her parents. How could she break the news to them? They were relying on her for grandkids, and not grandkids from a sperm donner or adoption. Ones she could only give them by doing something with a guy that made her skin crawl.

“So will you be alright on your own, Alexandra?” she heard her mom’s voice cut into her thoughts. 

Alex looked up at her parents. “What?” she asked. She had no idea what they were talking about since she was too busy being in her own head.

“Always in that head of yours,” her mom said rolling her eyes. “Your dad has a business trip and I’ll be seeing your aunt since she had her baby, so neither of us will be home for Friday to Monday week.”

Alex processed that for a moment. She never asked about her dad’s business trips but her mom was really going to be in Essex for a week? And they were going to leave her alone?

“Why do you have to go and see her?” she decided to ask.

“I’m going to be Godmother, so I have to attend to Christening.”

“Why aren’t I going?”

“We can only afford one ticket, sorry missy. Looks like you have to go to school.”

“And don’t even think about bringing any boys over or throw any wild parties,” her dad said sternly. 

Alex held back a laugh and simply nodded. “Got it.”


	15. Chapter 14

Alex decided against telling Stacy and Rory she was going to be home alone for a week. She’d made that decision because if she were being honest, she didn’t want to see them. And it also gave her time alone with Jack. She technically wasn’t breaking any of her dad’s rules. 

Of course, Alex somehow forgot her mom was friends with Rory’s and Stacy’s so they no doubt got the news Alex was going to be alone all weekend.

“Can we come over? We can have a girls’ night!” Stacy insisted. 

“No,” Alex replied. “I just want to be alone this weekend.”

Rory snorted. “What, is your mystery guy coming over?” she asked playfully. 

Alex rolled her eyes. “No, I just want to be alone this weekend. I think that’s fair.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible.” 

Alex didn’t bother to continue the argument, she was just going to drop it and they would too. She just focussed on her excitement for the weekend.

“Well, if you change your mind we’re going out for a drive tonight with the guys,” Stacy said. 

“I think I’ll pass. Enjoy your boy things though.”

“You could bring your mystery guy along,” Stacy said. “We’d really like to meet the guy you seem to think is worthy of your standards.” 

“I told you, it’s nothing. He’s not a boyfriend or anything. I can have fun and hook up with guys.” 

“You sure you’ll be okay alone?”

“I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine.”

“Fine, but if you get lonely just call us.”

“Will do.”

“Oh come on,” said Rory. “If she’s lonely and home alone, she’s gonna call this guy. But fair enough, we all have needs.”

“Why is this guy such a secret though?” Stacy asked. “Is he older?”

Alex snorted, mostly because Jack was actually six months younger than her. “No, I just like having somethings to myself, that’s all.” 

“Well, what’s he like?” Rory asked.

Alex thought for a moment. “He’s really funny, and kind, and fun,” she smiled. “I’m always in a good mood when I’m with him, like he radiates positivity.”

Stacy snorted. “Okay, no feelings my ass. You’re smitten.”

Alex blushed, mostly because she knew they were right. “Well, I’d like to like the guys I hook up with at least a little.”

“More like guy,” Rory corrected.

More like girl, she corrected internally.

“If I want to hang out with you two, I’ll call, okay?”

“Fine,” Stacy muttered. “Enjoy your week alone.”

…

After Alex’s parents left Jack immediately came over and they settled on pizza and a movie. Alex sat between Jack’s legs as they both laid in Alex bed with the laptop in front of them. The fact they didn’t have to fear anyone walking in on them made Alex practically melt into Jack’s arms. 

As they laid there together, Jack lightly traced Alex skin, sending goose bumps along Alex’s arms. It’s funny how such a small gesture could feel so nice. Jack seemed to have decided to keep her touches innocent but Alex was tempted to go a little further. 

So she moved the pizza box and her laptop aside and turned around to Jack, straddling her lap. Jack smiled at her and wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck, pulling her down to kiss her. Alex smiled against her lips as Jack brushed her tongue along Alex’s bottom lip. 

Alex let her hands go up Jack’s shirt, brushing her hand lightly over her ribcage, and she felt Jack smile against her lips, letting out a small moan. She wanted to pay Jack back for what she did in her car, so she tried to grind her hips against Jack’s but Jack laughed lightly pulling away. “Are you trying to scissor me?”

Alex blushed. “Maybe a little.”

“Not a thing.” 

“Makes sense because it did nothing.”

Jack simply smiled and brought their lips back together. They kissed for a little longer, Jack’s fingers tracing Alex’s hip bone. Alex shivered at the touch and felt Jack’s smirk of satisfaction. 

Alex kept her hands on Jack’s face while Jack’s hand crept a little higher until she cupped Alex’s breast over her bra. Alex let out a small moan, giving Jack permission to go further. Jack brushed one hand over the exposed skin above the bra as the other snaked to the other girls back to unclasp the bra.

She didn’t get too far though.

The door opened and Alex practically felt her heart stop. She pulled her head up and crawled away from Jack. She turned to look at the door. Standing there, was a bewildered Stacy.

Stacy didn’t say anything, her eyes just looked from Alex to Jack, and back to Alex. Jack was frozen in place too, her eyes stuck on Stacy, unsure what to say. Alex could hear her heart beating in her ears. Stacy knew where the spare key was, and Alex had turned off her phone so she probably wanted to double check if Alex’s wanted to come with her and Rory for whatever the hell they were doing.

She definitely wasn’t expecting this. 

Before anything could be said, Stacy turned around and started for the stairs. Alex quickly got off of her bed and chased after her down the stairs.

“Stacy!” she called after her, when she reached her. “Stacy!” she repeated, her voice catching her throat. 

Stacy turned back to her, giving her a cold glare. “Leave me alone, you fucking dyke!” she snarled through her teeth. 

Alex felt a lump form in her throat as she tried to hold back her tears. 

“What the fuck was that? You were fucking kissing that gross dyke! And she was feeling you up too!” Her tone was full of disgust, shame, and confusion. She wasn’t okay with this, Alex knew she wouldn’t be but it still hurt. She didn’t expect her best friend to look at her like this, she never would have. 

“I…”

“And you’re clearly one too? Ugh, no wonder you loved our sleepovers so much. Is that why you were so fine with practicing kissing when we were twelve?”

Alex felt herself grimace. She remembered the first time the three of them practiced kissing. Both of her friends insisting that it didn’t count and this was just so they were ready when they had their ‘real’ kisses with guys. It was always the other girls’ idea but she never argued. It felt like it was the closest she’d get when she was dreadfully confused. 

“You fucking watched us change and shit, didn’t you?” she continued, as if she was trying to think of every possible accusation she could. 

“I never watched you change!” Alex defended, only now realising tears were falling down her face. “I would say I wanted to get changed alone but you would always say it’s fine.”

“Well I didn’t know about this!”

Alex didn’t know what to say to that, Stacy clearly wasn’t in the mood to listen or accept this part about Alex. And before Alex could say anything, she left, slamming the door behind her. 

Alex stood there, frozen. Her best friend just so easily left. Her best friend no longer trusted her. Her best friend hated her…

“Hey,” came Jack’s voice. Alex didn’t turn to face her but she let her wrap her arms around her and kiss her temple. “I’m sorry.”

Alex took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault,” she said. “I should’ve told them, maybe things would’ve gone differently.”

“It’s not your fault either,” Jack mumbled into her ear. “You were scared, and you had a reason to be.”

“I just… can’t believe she looked at me like that.”

“If she can’t accept this about you, she’s not worth your time.”

Alex hated that she knew Jack was right but it still hurt her. She wanted things to be exactly the same as they were before Stacy saw her and Jack kissing. But she couldn’t and she knew school was going to be a new kind of hell on Monday.


	16. Chapter 15

Jack stayed over like they planned, but it wasn’t exactly what either girl thought it’d be. They fell asleep together while Jack held Alex as she cried. There was nothing she could say to stop the tears; all she could do was silently comfort her. 

That following Monday, Alex went to school full of dread. She didn’t know what to expect, she didn’t know if Stacy had told anyone but she was dreading that was the reality. 

When she stepped into the halls of the concrete building, keeping her hands in her pocket and avoiding eye contact with everyone. She was just going to do her regular routine, she was just going to meet up with Stacy and Rory like usual. 

But when she got to her locker and saw they were there, she opened her mouth to speak but they both sent her a glare. That look stopped Alex in her tracks, her anxiety causing her body to freeze. She just looked at them, waiting for one of them so speak. Alex didn’t think Stacy would stoop so low to tell Rory but maybe a part of her wasn’t too surprised, especially with her reaction to seeing her and Jack. 

“Can we help you?” Stacy asked, not hiding the annoyance in her voice. 

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat, unsure what to say. “I just… I uh…”

“Came to get your things?” Rory asked, with a smirk.

It was clear they didn’t want her around, that they didn’t want to be friends with Alex anymore.

“We were just leaving anyway.” Stacy said closing her locker and both girls walked around Alex, leaving her alone. 

She finally got the will to move to her locker but she just rested her head against it for a moment, breathing deeply, trying relax to herself. 

After she composed herself, she got her things out of her locker and sluggishly walked away. She wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going so she didn’t realise when she collided with someone. 

“Sorry,” she said quickly and then looked up to see Chris. Great, this day couldn’t get any worse.

“Oh, hey,” he said giving her a weak smile.

Alex nodded, “Hi.” She replied, her eyes drifting to the ground.

He didn’t hesitate before asking, “Why did you lie?”

Alex looked back at him, the colour draining from her face. “How do you know?” She asked weakly.

“Me and the guys were in the car since Stacy really wanted you to come, but she told us why you didn’t and… yeah,” he explained, biting his lip.

“It was more omission of truth than a lie.” 

“Well… your little secret is getting around.”

The lump in her throat was back. “What?”

“Mark and Nick, they were pretty shocked and angry so it got around pretty fast.”

Alex sighed, and held back her tears. “I’ve got to get to class.”

She rushed down the hall before Chris could say anything else. Class didn’t start for another ten minutes so she just walked aimlessly around the halls. It might’ve just been her imagination but she could feel people watching her. It was probably because she was walking back and forth around the hall but her anxiety made her feel it was because her secret was out.

When the warning bell rang she rushed to the classroom, feeling suffocated in the hallways. She’d composed herself by the time she got to the classroom. There were already a few people hanging around their desks. 

“Aw, I didn’t think you’d show up.” An all too familiar voice said. She’d somehow forgotten Jeffery was in her first class. She didn’t acknowledge him, just ignored him instead. The teacher wasn’t there yet so there was no one to stop what he said.

“Shocking you’re a dyke though. Your hair is much too long for that kind of stuff.” He continued, causing Alex to self-consciously touch her hair.

“Hey, Alex?” A voice closer to her said, she glanced over to see Lynn and Adam. There was a spare seat next to them. “Want to sit with us?” Adam continued.

“Yeah, sit with your kind,” Jeffery said with a smirk. 

Alex hastily sat with them, her eyes averting from the group snickering.

“Don’t listen to those assholes,” Lynn said. 

Alex didn’t reply, just sighed as she shuffled through her notebook. 

“Have you spoken to Jack today?” Adam asked.

Alex shook her head. “No, too focussed on what would happen today.”

“Yeah, the news spread pretty quickly, especially online,” Lynn said. “It’s not like it’s their business or anything,” she continued, rather bitterly. 

“I haven’t been on Twitter or Facebook or anything.”

“I did tell Jack it got out but she said she wouldn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to get more upset.” Lynn added.

“Don’t blame her.” Alex mumbled. 

“Well, your friends suck so you can sit with us; Ronan and Jess are on board too.”

She had at least one person in Jack’s group in most of her classes, and there was Clary in art too. She was definitely thankful for their generosity, especially since Stacy was in her next class and for once, she felt more comfortable sitting next to Ronan than her. Not wholly, but if Adam liked him enough to date him, there was probably more to him like Jack had said.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” she said. 

“Don’t blame you for hiding it, though,” Adam said. 

“Yeah, especially with what happened at Jeffery’s party…”

“Oh that’s pretty tame compare to other things. It’s no big deal.”

“Plus frozen yogurt was way better than Jeffery’s party,” Lynn interjected. 

Alex smiled for the first time that day. Maybe these two would be much better friends than her previous.

The class came and went and Alex immediately made her way to her next class. She hadn’t had much time to talk to her new friends but their positive personalities had cheered her up a little. 

She didn’t rush on her trip like usual, she was still dreading seeing Stacy, especially with how she spoke to her this morning. She kept her mind on Ronan and how highly Jack spoke about him, reminding her that he was nothing like he came off. 

Alex felt someone slam their shoulder against hers as they passed her, and Alex looked up to see Stacy from behind, talking to a girl Alex didn’t know the name of. She halted for a moment, watching her former best friend walk away, not seeming fazed by her action. 

Alex sighed and willed herself to keep moving.

“What a bitch,” a voice cut in. Alex glanced behind her to see Ronan, wearing his usual leather jacket and combat boots, his crew cut freshly shaved. His hands were in his pockets, Alex unsurprised to see he didn’t have any books.

Alex silently nodded, gripping tighter on her books. 

“Shouldn’t let her treat you like that,” he continued. “Adam told ya you could sit with me?”

Alex nodded. 

He gave her a crooked smile. “Well, c’mon. You probably don’t want to be late.”

“I’m actually the least punctual person ever.” Alex finally spoke, smiling at him and followed behind him. She could see his tattoo peeking out to the back of his neck. Alex recalled Jack saying it was a raven.

“Well I like being late by choice, but I doubt Jack would want me to rub off on you like that.” He continued as they stepped into the classroom, Alex averting her eyes from Stacy as she talked to the girl she was with before. 

Ronan made his way to the back, and slouched into his seat as Alex sat in the seat next to him. 

“So you doing okay?” Ronan asked, glancing over at her but keeping his hands rested behind his head.

“I guess, could be worse. You guys are sure being persistent to help me out. Did Jack put you up to it?”

Ronan shook his head. “Nah, but we knew we’d be seeing you a lot anyway, so why not invite you to sit with us? What your so called friend did was fucking awful, honestly.”

“I guess you and your friends lucked out,” Alex muttered.

Ronan smiled. “I lucked out in more ways than one.”

Alex could tell by the light in his eye that he was thinking about Adam. They were definitely crazy about each other, the saying ‘opposites attract’ feeling extremely appropriate. 

“How long have you and Adam been dating?” Alex decided to ask, mostly trying to make conversation and she liked Ronan’s positive energy, it made her realise that he wasn’t as intimidating as he seemed to be.

“About a year. I like reminding him I loved him first; like I said, I lucked out.” 

Alex nodded along and she smiled at that, she was happy to see that despite everything at school, Ronan and Adam still maintained a happy relationship.

“So what’s the plan for college?”

“That’s gonna suck because he’s definitely getting in an Ivy League but I’m not gonna go. School’s not really my scene.”

“I noticed,” Alex said, eyeing his empty desk. 

“But I’m not gonna drop out, I’ve thought about it but I don’t want to let down Adam like that,” he explained. “He gets why I don’t want to go to college but it’d really upset him if I drop out. So I only have to survive this final year.”

“Well you’ve done eleven already, so I’m sure you can make it,” Alex smiled.

Ronan sent her a crooked smile. “It’d be worth it.”

…

Lunch came around as did Alex’s class with Jess, who was as sweet as everyone else had been. All four of Jack’s friends seemed to have immediately accepted Alex as part of their group so sitting at the lunch table with them wouldn’t be weird.

Jess’s locker was near hers – as was Ronan’s but they didn’t have third period together and Ronan went to meet up with Adam – so they walked to the cafeteria together, lucky to not have anyone sneer at them. Maybe Alex had overestimated their reaction, although she hadn’t passed anyone she knew personally so maybe that’s why. Nick was in her last class and he definitely sent her looks of disapproval during the class. Jess insisted to just ignore him but she still felt his eyes piercing into her from behind. 

“Alex!” Jack voice called out when they stepped into the cafeteria. Jack half jogged over to her and Jess, her expression worried. “Are you doing okay? I tried texting you to check up on you.”

“I turned it off, last thing I need to do is check anything online,” she said. “But yeah, I’m as okay as I can be.”

“We’ve been taking good of her, don’t worry, Jay,” Jess interjected.

Jack seemed to ignore her, keeping her attention on Alex. “I just know that your friends’ boyfriends have been saying really shitty things, online and in class.”

“Perfect,” Alex muttered. “I’m fine, really. I’m at great as you can be in this situation.”

Jack still looked unsure but seemed to accept Alex’s statement. “Okay, but I’m buying you lunch.”

Alex didn’t argue and let her girlfriend pay for the tasteless lunch, changing the subject. Alex kept her eyes on her feet as they walked to meet up with the guys and Lynn at their usual table. It was close to her old table and the last thing she wanted was to meet their eyes again. She didn’t need them to notice her, the mere thought made her sick. 

Luckily, they made it without a comment from anyone. Her body was still tense when she sat in between Lynn and Jack, staring at her food as she tried to relax her body. The whole situation wasn’t brought up and everyone did try to pull Alex into the conversation but Alex stayed mostly silent, occasionally putting in an input. She knew exactly where her old table was and her anxiety had convinced her that Stacey and Rory could see her. 

Jack squeezed her knee under the table, likely sensing the tension in her body, since she still has barely touched her food. 

Her body didn’t totally relax until the bell rang for their next class. After a quick ‘bye’ to her new friends, she and Jack made their way to their next class. 

“Has the day been that bad?” Jack asked after they got their books.

Alex nodded. “The way Stacy and Rory looked at me… I knew our friendship was completely over. And then Jeffery was being an asshole.”

“He’s always an asshole,” Jack said. “But seriously, that’s so shitty of Rory and Stacy. Some friends, I guess.”

“They were my best friends for so many years. I’m not surprised they would hate me for this, they’ve always been homophobic.”

“Not even when you practiced kissing?” Jack asked with a sly smile. 

Alex playfully shoved her side and Jack simply laughed it off but Alex smiled anyway. Alex still felt dread when they walked into the classroom. Jeffery wasn’t there yet but Chris was. Alex felt a lump form in her throat and silently walked to her seat next to Jack, not missing Chris avert his eyes. 

Jack tried to distract her by talking to her about the time she’d met Green Day and Alex tried listening but she felt her heart pounding in her ears when Jeffery and his friends walked in. He smirked across the room at her. “Good to see you again, ladies.” 

Alex ignored him and Jack stood up straight, continuing her story like he wasn’t there. 

“You know Alex, it’s such a shame for Chris you’re this way, guy really liked you. But hey, I guess it’s his own fault for falling for a dyke-“

“Jeffery!” Mr. Aguiar snapped, silencing him. “If you don’t leave the girls alone and take your seat you can have detention instead.” 

Alex was suddenly really grateful to have Mr Aguiar as a teacher. Ever since it had gotten around he was bisexual and married a man people’s opinion on him had seemed to change. He had always been a teacher well-liked by students. He was the teacher you wanted for English class, always been one to crack jokes and even make the dullest books even slightly bearable. That seemed to change right now and she heard a rumour he had gotten in trouble for talking too much about his personal life. Of course, that just translated to the principal feeling he’s ‘forcing homosexuality unto their poor, innocent souls’. As if plenty of students had done that least innocent acts. At least he was able to enjoy his wedding while it lasted. 

Despite that, Jeffery seemed to listen and took his seat, leaving the girls alone. Mr Aguiar sent the two a sympathetic look before turning back to preparing for class. 

“Knew he was my favourite teacher,” Jack said giving Alex a smile. 

“I wish he’d just leave me alone,” Alex muttered. 

“Like I said, he’s a fuckboy.”

…

Art. Her favourite class. She was thankful it had finally come. She needed to just be with herself and her art supplies. The art kids tended to be more accepting so she didn’t have to worry about remarks from them, and she was able to see Clary. Clary had a positive energy and was an all-round good artist. 

What she was looking forward to most was to pour her emotions into her art. She still had no clue what her final work would be. She was still going for a more detailed angle, deciding that abstract wasn’t for her. Her brain just couldn’t comprehend it but when it came to more detailed more, her perfectionist nature took over and she felt it had to be just right. Any line out of place, any shade not to her desire would stress her out and deem her work as terrible. She’d tried to let this go, put more attention and what she was drawing rather than how it was drawn but she couldn’t. She’d gone through so many sketches and it wasn’t so much what she had drawn that she didn’t like, but how it was drawn. She wanted to stick with the idea of hair and bodies but every single piece just wasn’t right. Even when she tried to go into silhouette it felt like it wasn’t right, that even an abstract drawing just didn’t work. 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

Alex looked up to see Clary, giving her a small smile. “I… uh, heard,” she added.

Alex shrugged. “I’m okay, I guess.”

“It’s really fucked up what they did.”

Alex didn’t respond, she just stared at her sketches. Rough. She hated rough sketches so much. When she saw other peoples, she thought they were amazing but to herself, when she looked at the sketches she drew they were rough, they were messy, they barely looked like anything sometimes. 

Clary sighed. “Still having trouble with an art piece?” 

Alex nodded. “Yeah, serious creative block.”

“Can I see what you’ve come up with?”

Alex shook her head. “I’ve thrown out most of what I’ve had.” 

Clary simply nodded. She would clearly understand the artist struggle, how sometimes work gets thrown away no matter how hard it’s worked on. 

“You’ve still got some time,” she encouraged. “I’m sure a great idea will hit you soon enough. Do you have any theme?”

“Hair,” Alex said. “A lot of hair.”

“You do have a lot of it. I’m using kind of a fire theme in a lot of my ideas.”

“Is it to do with your hair or your personality?” Alex asked, trying her hardest to lighten her mood. 

“Both,” Clary replied, a smile on her lips. Alex could tell she was a little pleased she’d attempted in cheering Alex up a little. 

“Fitting,” Alex said and stared back down at her sketches.

“Uh, were you thinking of using more colour?” Clary suggested. 

Alex looked up at her. “Why?”

“You have a colourful personality.”

Alex couldn’t help it, she snorted. Her colours were always more mute but to go all the way with colour wasn’t something she’d usually think of. 

“Thanks for the suggestion,” was all Alex said.

Clary pressed her lips together. “Really, I’m sorry over what happened.”

Alex just stared down at her sketches, her hair falling in her face. She wanted to hide herself, she wanted to disappear, she wanted this day to end. She didn’t want people’s pity. She didn’t care how well-meaning Clary may be, she didn’t need to see the sorry look in her eyes. 

“I’ll… talk to you later. Remember, Izzy and I will always be there to offer you a smoke when needed.”

Alex didn’t respond, but clary clearly didn’t expect one. She went back to her own space and went back to work.

…

Her final class rolled up, bringing what felt like the longest day she’s ever had close to its end. Jack, nor her friends were in her final class so she had to deal with this alone. She just tried to focus on her class.

The teacher droned on as she tried her hardest to stay focussed but biology bored her to death so much it hard to not completely zone out. She doodled in the margins of her notebook lazily instead. She was terrible at biology so she should probably pay attention but her attention span was always too short at the end of the day.

She was so distracted by her doodles that she didn’t notice what was happening until it did. Right behind her head, there was a snip, her neck feeling lighter as she felt the smallest gush of wind. 

She sat frozen for a moment, realising what happened. Her hair. Her hands shot to her hair and could feel her chopped locks. Her hair was significantly above her shoulders. Fuck. 

She heard Nick behind her snicker as she let out a shaky breath. 

“Now you really do look like the dyke you are,” She heard him sneer into her ear. 

She sat frozen in her seat. She couldn’t hear anything but her heart pounding in her ears. No one had seemed to really notice, her biology teacher’s back was to her so he had missed everything. 

She was on her feet and she ran, she ran out the door and down the hall. She didn’t know where she was going she just had to get out of there. She was risking detention or worse for this but she didn’t care, it was suffocating to stay in there.

She turned into a bathroom stared her herself in the mirror. Her hair looked awful, it was uneven and brushed her ears. Her hair was always long and it was gone. She finally burst into tears, it came out in a rush as her tears streamed down her face black has it caught on her mascara, staining her face with black streaks. She took a deep breath and turned on the tap. She splashed the icy water on her face, washing away her tears.

She needed Jack, she needed her comfort. And knowing Jack she would be right there to comfort her. She dug her phone out of her pocket and turned it on for the first time that day. The first thing she noticed was that she was flooded with text messages. Some were from Jack, some were from her so called friends, some were numbers she didn’t have saved calling her despicable things. She deleted them, not wanting to look at them and texted Jack where she was and that she needed her. A few minutes later the door swung open and Jack was there.

“Shit,” she said when her eyes fell on her. “Babe, are you okay?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around her. Alex sobbed into her shoulder as Jack rubbed her back. 

“Who did this?” Jack asked. 

“Nick,” she mumbled. 

“Fucking asshole.” Jack muttered as Alex nuzzled more into her shoulder, her tears soaking Jack’s shirt. Jack didn’t make an attempt to move and Alex was thankful for that. All she needed was Jack’s physical comfort, she didn’t need her to say anything she just needed her to be here. 

Neither girl was sure how much time passed but it was enough time for the final bell to ring. Alex took that time to compose herself, not wanting anyone to walk in on her crying. She hurried into a cubicle to get toilet paper to wipe away her tears and snot, allowing herself to calm down. 

“Do you want me to get the guys together?” Jack spoke up. “Lynn is good with hair; she could make your hair look a lot better. She does mine, including the streak”

Alex nodded, letting out a small whimper. “Thank you,” she said softly.


	17. Chapter 16

Alex didn’t know what to expect from Lynn’s room to look like. She seemed to only own clothes that were black but her personality way so positive that she didn’t know what to expect from her. 

She was met with a room plastered with band posters, some she recognised some she didn’t. A stereo sat atop a chest of draws and next to it was a tub full of hair scissors, a razor she probably used for her own hair, and multiple bottle of hair dye. She saw the red that was no doubt used in Jack’s hair. 

“I can definitely fix it.” Lynn observed as she examined Alex hair. “I can even it out but I do have ideas.”

“Well that’s never a good thing.” Ronan interjected, his arm slung across Adam’s shoulder, the couple sat on Lynn’s bed.

She sent him a glare, which with her soft features looked like it would as much damage as a kitten but Ronan still seemed to shut up. Alex found that kind of hilarious since Ronan spent most of his time with a stone face “Anyway,” she continued. “I think it’ll look cool if I shaved off part of it, how does that sound?”

Alex shrugged. “I’ve only ever had long hair. It is pretty thin though so it can probably handle anything.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Lynn nodded. “So do you trust me not to fuck it up?”

“I don’t even care that much anymore, it’s already gone. You can’t make it worse.”

“Well, since we’re trying something different why don’t I dye it too?” 

“I think you’re having a bit too much fun, Lynn,” Jess laughed. 

“I don’t know, I think she’d look cool with blue hair.” 

“Oh god, anything but blue,” Jack groaned. 

“Uh, I have actually wanted to dye my hair blue,” Alex interjected. “I just hadn’t bothered since it was so long.” 

“Blue hair it is then!” Lynn grinned. “I’ll get the bleach, and when it’s all done I work on styling it.”

Lynn excitedly went to get the supplies she needed. 

“Did you just do that out of spite?” Jack asked. 

“No, I’ve genuinely wanted blue hair for a while,” Alex shrugged. 

“Everyone hates something their significant other does or likes,” Adam said from his place next to Ronan. “I mean, have you heard Ronan’s shit EDM?”

Ronan gave Adam a playful shove, his head falling into the crook of his neck. “Shut up, Parrish,” he mumbled. 

Jack rolled her eyes at the two as Lynn came back with the supplies she needed and got to work. Alex didn’t talk much, mostly listening to the conversation between the group. She did feel a little awkward about jumping into a group that already had a pretty established friendship but the welcoming attitude made her feel a little better. 

After her hair was bleached and the dye had been washed out Alex looked at herself in the mirror of the bathroom. Her hair was wet so it wasn’t the best way to get an idea of how it looks but she did like it a lot. 

“Okay, cutting time,” Lynn said. “Which we’ll need to do in here. Do you know how you’d like it?”

“Maybe short at the back with some length at the top.”

“Vetoing the shaving idea?”

Alex shrugged. “Maybe another time.”

After a nod, Lynn got to work. There wasn’t much room in the bathroom so everyone else just stayed in Lynn’s room leaving Alex and Lynn alone for the first time. 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Lynn asked.

“I guess.”

“If you knew your friends weren’t such great people, why did you stay friends with them?”

Alex thought about it for a moment. She didn’t really have an answer, at least not one that made sense. She had been friends with Rory and Stacy for so long it only made sense to stay friends, despite the homophobia. Despite the fact she knew they’d hate her if she came out.

“I guess we’d just been friends for too long,” Alex shrugged and stared at her reflection in the mirror. 

“I get that,” Lynn said. “Despite all the bad stuff, you knew mostly the good stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Guess they weren’t as good as you thought.”

“It didn’t actually surprise me,” Alex replied honestly. “I knew they wouldn’t like it. Our moms are also friends and now I’m just scared about this getting back to my parents.”

“You’re really so scared they’d out you like that?” Lynn asked, Alex seeing her surprised expression in the mirror. 

Alex shrugged. “They already outed me to the whole school, I wouldn’t put it past them.”

“Fucking bitches.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. Fucking bitches. 

As she cut and styled her hair, pieces falling to the floor it felt… rejuvenating. Like all the bad things in her life was being taken away. She almost felt like a whole new person. Like no one could bring her down anymore, and honestly she won’t let them. 

“Done.” Lynn said and stepped away from Alex. Alex stared at herself in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognise herself. She was so used to the long dull brown hair that the short blue hair made her almost do a double take. The blue was bright, and short strands of hair fell in her face as they had been brushed away from her face. It was completely different. 

And she liked it a lot.

She looked over at Lynn and smiled at her. “Thank you.” 

Lynn simply shrugged. “No problem. You look awesome. Want the guys to see it?”

Alex grinned and nodded as they walked back into Lynn’s room. 

“Holy fuck! You look good!” Was the first response, courtesy of Ronan. She almost laughed, last thing she’d expect from not only a gay guy but a guy like Ronan.

“What do you know,” Jack said with a smile. “I don’t hate the colour. The cut is awesome though.” 

“What can I say, I have talent,” Lynn grinned. Alex glanced out the window, noticing how dark it was. Did her hair really take this long?

“I got to get home.” She said and averted her eyes from the window. 

Ronan glanced at his watch and nodded. “It is pretty late.” As he stood up he took Adam’s hand. “See you guys tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Adam added with a smile as the two boys walked out. 

“God,” Jess said rolling her eyes and glanced at Jack and Alex. “if you two become like them-“

“I’d consider it a success to be anything like them.” Jack said and made her way over to Alex, wrapped her arms around her waist, and kissed her cheek a few times, making loud smacking sounds. Alex giggled in response, and pushed Jack off of her.

“Christ, can’t that wait until you’re not in my room?” Lynn said as she scrunched her nose. 

“Like I said, I got to go,” Alex repeated. 

“Fine, fine.” Jack said and kissed Alex on the lips, earning a smile from Alex.


	18. Chapter 17

“The fuck did you do to your hair?” Rory laughed when Alex got to her locker. Ronan was with her that morning, since their lockers were right by each other’s and were actually having a pleasant conversation before they were interrupted. 

Alex glanced over at them. She’d been building up the confidence to stand up to them. She knew remarks at her hair would be made after all, like they would let something like that pass. 

“Your boyfriend cut off my hair in class, so I worked from there and personally, I think it looks awesome.” 

“Well at least you look like a dyke now,” Stacy interjected with a smirk. 

Her confidence faltered, and no remark came to her. She should’ve expected something like that to be remarked but she was too busy focussing on the initial remarks to her hair. 

“She has better hair than both of you though,” Ronan interjected when Alex didn’t reply. 

“Fuck off, she doesn’t need your faggot ass as a bodyguard,” Rory snarled. 

“I am a faggot but that doesn’t change the fact she has better than both of you.”

Both girls sent Ronan a glare as they walked off, giggling between the two of them. 

“God, how am I going to be able to handle Jeffery?” Alex muttered as she went to get her things from her locker. 

“You’ll figure it out” Ronan replied. “They’re not worth anything, anyway. And you’d just be miserable in the closet. Might’ve destroyed you and Jack.”

“Is this from experience?” Alex asked sending him a raised brow.

Ronan bit his lip for a moment. “Sort of, I had a fling with this guy before Adam. Joseph but everyone called him by his last name, Kavinsky. He refused to come out and it lead to a lot of fights, and then he broke it off because he didn’t see the point anymore.”

“Oh,” was all Alex could think of as a reply. 

Ronan shrugged. “It’s over, I had a crush on Adam anyway. Never thought it’d happen so didn’t bother.”

“Well lucky you then,” Alex laughed. 

He walked with her to class which Alex caught onto quickly, remembering his class was in the complete other direction. "Are you only coming with me to my class just to see Adam?" Alex asked, glancing back at Ronan. 

"What? I can't make sure you get to class safely without wanting to see him?" 

"It's no doubt a bonus."

"Okay, maybe I'm doing it for both," Ronan replied a small smile on his lips. 

"Aw you ole softy," Alex smiled with a small laugh. 

"Don't go around telling people."

"Your secret is safe with me. The intimidating gay bad boy thing works."

“Then my plan is going perfectly,” he replied with a sly grin. 

When they got to the classroom Lynn and Adam were waiting outside for Alex. 

“You’re gonna be late for class.” Adam said when he saw Ronan but Alex didn’t miss his eyes lighting up. 

“I’m sure I won’t be missed,” Ronan shrugged and pecked his lips, taking the chance to mess up his boyfriend’s hair. 

“Any trouble today?” Lynn asked ignoring the couple. 

Alex shrugged. “Not too much. A little from Rory and Stacy but that’s about it,” she said. “Weren’t too fond of my wonderful haircut.”

“They have no taste,” Adam said, his arm slid around Ronan’s waist. “And why didn’t you make Ronan go to class?”

“He can do what he wants?” Alex shrugged.

“Enabler,” he muttered.

“I’m going, Parrish, don’t worry,” Ronan interjected and pecked Adam’s lips. “I’ll see you guys later,” he nodded and with one last kiss on Adam’s cheek he walked off. 

“He is so lucky I love him,” Adam said rolling his eyes.

The day from there wasn’t the best. She could hear whispers from people she wouldn’t call friends but were in the same circle as she was, or used to be. There were definitely remarks at her hair but she blocked them out. Sometime during her second class with Ronan, she was tired of hearing Stacy’s harsh mutters and asked to go to the bathroom. 

When she got into the bathroom the first thing she noticed was cigarette smoke. When she looked at the window she saw Clary and Isabelle in a similar position as the last time she ran into them. They were in the middle of their own conversation and Alex wasn’t sure what to do. She came here for a few moments to herself but she wouldn’t say she was disappointed to see the two girls. They were kind to her the last time she was like this and maybe they’d repeat it.

“Morning, Alex,” Isabelle said with a smile. Alex didn’t detect sarcasm in her tone and decided to smile back at her. 

“Hey,” she said. “I really should stop running into you two like this.”

Isabelle simply shrugged before taking a drag. 

“Are you okay?” Clary asked. “We heard what happened.”

Alex shrugged. “It’s fine, if they were my friends they wouldn’t have been like this.”

Clary nodded in response while Isabelle said, “Did you just come for a breather, or would you like one?” she asked, holding out the carton of cigarettes. 

Alex was reminded of the last time she did this. It did calm her down a lot so maybe it wouldn’t hurt. She had deodorant in her locker so she could try to cover up the smell with that. And if it came down to it she could just say it was from other people smoking.

“Sure,” she said and stepped forward to the two and took one of the cigarettes out of the carton.

“You’re teaching her bad habits, Izzy,” Clary said before taking another drag as Isabelle lit Alex’s cigarette while she held it between her lips. Alex took a long drag and was able to stop herself from coughing. 

“We all have shit, sometimes people just know about it,” Isabelle said. “My brother’s gay and people started asking me if I was a lesbian because of it. It’s just high school, won’t last forever.”

Clary blew smoke out of her lungs before she interjected. “It’s funny how people treat that like it’s some terrible thing. A lot of people know my brother’s in prison yet no one is harassing me every day about it.”

Alex wasn’t sure how this was meant to make her feel better or if the two girls were even trying to but she still appreciated they were trying to take her mind off of things. 

“I kind of know your brother,” she said to Isabelle. “Jack took me to Magnus’s to get a fake ID and he was there. And I ran into the two again at the showing for Dracula. He seems nice, maybe a little rude, but nice.”

“That sums up my brother,” Isabelle laughed. 

Alex stayed with the two until she was done with her cigarette. The two girls decided to stay for a little longer but Alex rushed back to her class since she was gone longer than would be acceptable. 

“Why do you smell like smoke?” Ronan whispered to her when she sat down.

“What, like you’ve never done it?” 

“Nope, actually,” she stared at him blankly. “Don’t act so surprised, Jesus.”

“It’s fine, it’s a bad habit anyway.”

He nodded. “True, and my poison has always been alcohol anyway.”

She snorted. “Not really helping your case.”

He shrugged. “We all have bad habits.”

Alex opened her mouth to speak but she was stopped by the clearing of a throat. They both looked at the teacher and he was staring at them sternly. Alex sat back in her seat properly, her hands in lap and he continued on. 

She didn’t miss the snickering from Stacy’s table.

…

“Seriously, you smoked again?”

Alex was surprised by Jack’s tone. She wasn’t angry, she was more concerned. Alex just sent her a small shrug as she sat down next to her. She’d used most of her can of deodorant to hide the scent but she figured it wasn’t enough. She’d have to get around to washing her clothes this weekend to wash out the smell of smoke. She didn’t need her parents to smell the scent on her. 

“God,” Lynn said scrunching her nose. “Should’ve gone easier on the deodorant.” 

“Tell me about it,” Jess nodded. “I almost would’ve rather smelt smoke.”

“So that’s how you could tell?” Alex asked. 

“No, Ronan ratted you out,” she said, nodding towards him.

“Thanks,” Alex muttered.

“Hey, I knew it was unlike you. What do you expect from me?” 

“You’re one to talk,” Adam muttered. 

“It really is unlike you.” Jack said, Alex turning her attention away from the couple’s tiff. 

“Whatever, can we just focus on something else?” Alex groaned.

“Fine,” Jack said rolling her eyes. “I’m going away Christmas break,”

Alex’s head snapped to her. “What?” she hadn’t mentioned this before. Especially since that’s so close to her birthday. 

“Yeah, spending Christmas with my family in Lebanon. I leave on the twentieth.”

“You always go on that trip,” Jess pointed out.

“Will you have Wi-Fi?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry your pretty head,” she said, patting Alex’s head as if she were a child. “I’ll skype you.”

“Well, glad you’re leaving right after my birthday.”

“When’s your birthday?” Jack asked.

“Fourteenth.”

“We should go out and celebrate,” Jack grinned. “All of us.”

Alex shrugged. “I don’t want to make a big deal about it. And it’s still ages away.”

“One month isn’t ages,” Adam said. 

“Leave it to us, we’ll plan you something special,” Jack said.

Alex couldn’t help but smile. On her past birthdays, she would always spend it with Amy and Rory. Admittedly, it would be weird not spending it with them, she was so used to it that breaking that tradition almost felt wrong. But truthfully, she knew she’d have fun with her new friends. They seemed pretty excited to help her celebrate. 

“That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

…

“What happened to your hair!” was what met Alex’s ears when she got home that day. She knew her parents would be home when she got home that day. She had kind of forgot about the hair situation. Although, she wasn’t sure if her mother was more concerned with the cut or the colour.

“Uh, I guess I was sick of the long hair?” It came out as more of a question, telling the truth would lead to questions, definitely a call to the school to try and figure out who was the one who cut her hair off. Her mother knew she loved her long hair, so of course she was shocked to see it in a pixie cut and partly shave off. Her mother would always remark how horrible merely slightly shaved hair looked, that it looked like someone had an accident with a razor.

“You cut it?” her mother asked, giving her a sharp look with a raised eyebrow. She clearly didn’t believe her but what use was there telling the truth?

“I mean I’ve always had long hair so I wanted to do something different. And it’ll grow back, so it’s not a huge deal?”

“And who did it young lady?”

“A friend.”

“A friend?”

“Yeah, I wanted to do something different. That’s it.”

By her mother’s expression she clearly didn’t believe her but she sighed and muttered, “Whatever you say.”

Alex nodded. “Well, I have homework to do anyway.” And she went upstairs, her mother staying her in position by the doorway.


	19. Chapter 18

Alex took a long drag of her cigarette, standing in between Clary and Isabelle. Usually, she wouldn’t skip class all together but she found a note stuck to her locker that said ‘filthy dyke’ in Stacy’s handwriting. She had messaged Clary and Isabelle if they were going to be in the bathroom again for the obvious reason, and when given a yes she bolted right to it when the first warning bell rang. 

“Honestly, she’s been my best friend since I was little and this is how she treats me?” Alex groaned as she exhaled, smoke clouding her view. “Like, she talked to me as if I was some sort of creeper, like I had this plan to seduce her or something.”

Clary shook her head. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“How did Alec’s friend’s take it when they found out?” Alex asked Isabelle.

“They were so cool with it. His best friend, who’s also Clary’s boyfriend, Jace was like, so fucking supportive. No second thought. And he was lucky because he was a huge reason no one messed with him. Even when a rumour went around he was gay too, he was still by his side.”

“That kind of reminds me my friends Ronan and Adam. Except, they are dating. But Ronan is so protective of him. It’s really sweet.”

“Kind of like how Jack’s protective of you,” Clary pointed out with a smile. 

Alex blushed a little and took another drag. “Yeah, kind of.” 

They stayed in silence for a while, taking a few drags, the smoke drifting out the window.

“Rumours can be merciless,” Clary said, breaking the silence. 

Alex remembered her mentioning that her brother was in prison. That’s the most she’d shared, probably not wanting to drift the conversation away from sexuality. Alex took a long drag, and finally asked, “Why is your brother in prison?”

Clary sighed, taking a long drag herself before she replied. “Some say he was involved in a gang. Some say it was for drugs – I mean he did take drugs but it wasn’t that. And it did play a role. When he took drugs, it’s like he wasn’t himself. And it was a constant. It got to a point where he was always on them. Then one day, on a drugged rage he… he killed a guy,” she swallowed and took a deep breath before continuing. “So he’s now in prison for god knows how long.” 

“Do you miss him?” Alex asked, although felt slightly stupid for asking. 

“I don’t know. I miss the brother that didn’t take drugs. I miss the brother that would buy me ice-cream and would bandage up my knee when I fell off my bike. I don’t miss the monster that the drugs made him.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said quietly, getting a shrug as a response. 

“Not really anything I can do. Sebastian will be in there for god knows how long. Now it’s just me and my mom. My dad was abusive, and definitely had an effect on Sebastian. Except my dad died from drugs years after my mom left him.”

“God, we’re really oversharing aren’t we,” Isabelle said with a small laugh. 

“Pinkie swear not to tell each other’s secrets?” Clary asked, holding out her pinkie to the two Alex laughed and hooked her pinkie with Clary’s.

“Come on, Izzy, you gotta pinkie swear too,” Clary said, her green eyes pleading. Isabelle rolled her eyes but hooked her pinkie with the two other girls, laughing softly. “I promise.”

“I promise too,” Alex said. 

“You know what, Gaskarth,” Isabelle said taking a drag. “I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

“I concur,” Clary said. “And since you are friends with Magnus-“

“I wouldn’t call us friends. I’ve only met him twice.”

“-Can you get him to make us fake ID’s?” Clary finished, as if Alex didn’t say anything.

Alex laughed. “I’m sure even my powers of persuasion won’t help if Alec has a say.”

“It’s always worth a shot.”

Their conversation was cut off when the door opened. Alex didn’t bother looking over, just taking another drag of her cigarette. Although, Isabelle, who was facing the door, face scrunched into a glare. Alex glanced over and she saw Stacy and a girl she recognised as Brooke. Alex felt her body freeze, she hadn’t been alone like this with Stacy in a while. There was usually at least a crowd of people around them so she couldn’t say anything too malicious. However, only three other people in the room was a drastic change.

“Oh Brooke, look who it is. The sluts and the dyke,” Stacy sneered with a cruel grin. 

“Wow Stacy,” Isabelle said sarcastically. “You’re so clever.”

“What are you even doing here?” Clary asked, sounding quite bored. 

“Could ask you the same thing,” she shot back.

“Well, we’re clearly in the middle of a conversation,” Isabelle said. “And being kind of each other.”

“Well, why are you bothering with her?” she spat in Alex’s direction.

“We like her,” Clary shrugged. “She’s nice, which is great considering she was friends with someone like you.”

“Well don’t invite her to your house, she might watch you change.

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but the words caught in her throat. She wanted to tell her she never did that, like she had the night she found out. She wanted to scream it at the top of her lungs. She wanted to prove to her she wasn’t like that. But she could get the words out. It felt like Stacy was bigger than her, that the slightest sneer could push her down. That the cruelty of her words was stronger than she could ever be.

“Cat got your tongue?” she jeered.

Alex looked down and slowly took a drag. She wasn’t going to cry in front of her, she didn’t need to add more to her humiliation. 

“Can you two just fuck off,” Isabelle said, no doubt glaring at them. “And leave her alone, she’s done nothing wrong.”

“She lied to us!”

“I wonder why,” she snapped back. 

Alex could feel Stacy’s eyes on her, as if she was waiting for her to say something. Alex stayed silent, keeping her eyes on her feet. Alex heard footsteps and the door opening and closing. They were gone and she could relax again. 

“You okay?” Clary asked softly. 

Alex shook her head slowly. The three stayed until the bell rang and with that, left for their own classes.

…

“Are you still friends with Rory and Stacy?”

The question was so sudden that night at dinner that Alex was caught off guard. 

“What?”

“Are you still friends with Rory and Stacy?” her mom repeated.

“Oh,” she said and quietly swallowed. “Uh, why do you ask?” 

“You haven’t spoken much about them. And I called their mums and both said they haven’t seen you around.”

“You called their moms?’ Alex asked, gaping at her. 

“I wanted to see if you’re okay, what happened?” She felt both of her parents’ eyes on her, waiting for an answer. She didn’t want to tell them why; she didn’t want to come out while she was on the spot like this. 

“We got into a fight,” was all she said. Not a complete lie, even if it was technically one sided. 

“A fight?” her mom asked, raising her brow.

“They’re angry at me, I didn’t do anything though. It’s stupid.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, and it’s fine. I’ve made some new friends.”

“Have you tried talking to them?”

Alex nodded. “They won’t listen to me, I’ve tried.”

“Does it have to do with your new friends?”

Alex shrugged. “Kind of. They’re not bad people, they just don’t like them. That’s all I did.”

Her mother looked unsure but seemed to decide to drop the conversation and turned back to her husband, jumping into a new subject entirely. Alex wanted to sink into her seat, she wished she could tell them the truth, that they’re just homophobic and that was the whole reason they didn’t want to be around her. She could feel the pressure but she didn’t want to come out under this sort of a condition. She couldn’t even stand up to people at school, they wouldn’t even know if Stacy hadn’t outed her.


	20. Chapter 19

‘Want to crash a party with us?’

Alex wasn’t too surprised by this question from Jack. It was like the Homecoming party at Jeffery’s from earlier this year. That scene with Adam and Ronan was something she’d rather not have to experience herself. Just the seething looks of disgust she remembered Ronan and Adam got when Jeffery found them kissing was her anxious. 

‘Who’s house?’

‘Some guy from Towson University. Zack something’

Alex had never heard of a Zack, so she probably wouldn’t run into everyone from school which made her feel a little better. 

‘Sure, come pick me up’

When she got a text saying they’d arrived, after telling her parents quickly she was going out with friends, she ran outside and saw, to her surprise, a BMW. She quickly shrugged it off and one of the back doors opened, and she saw Jack. 

“You’ll have to sit in my lap,” she said when Alex realised the car was full. Ronan was driving and Adam was in the passenger seat, while Lynn and Jess sat in the back with Jack. 

“Too bad you don’t have a pickup truck,” Alex remarked when she moved onto Jack’s lap, her arms holding her waist as Ronan took off. “It would’ve been more fun to just ride in the bed.”

“That would be fun,” Ronan nodded. 

“Isn’t that illegal?” Adam remarked. 

“Don’t need that smartass remarks, Parrish.”

“Can you leave the lovers tiff for later?” Alex remarked with a smile. 

“Since when do their tiffs wait?” Jess asked laughing. Alex didn’t have a remark back; she hadn’t seen many tiffs between them but she could only guess they were common. She couldn’t help but smile at that as they drove out of the neighbourhood. 

EDM was playing from the radio, not exactly Alex’s favourite genre and the only person in the car who seemed to like it was Ronan. Adam’s grumbling seemed to be the objection for everyone.

“I’m driving, therefore I choose,” Ronan said defiantly. 

“Then I’ll drive next time,” Jack said.

“And play that shitty pop-punk?”

“Hey!” both Jack and Alex objected. 

“Stop the car, I’ll walk home,” Alex said in mock seriousness, Ronan only laughing. 

“We had our first kiss at a Blink182 show, so don’t knock it,” Jack said.

Lynn laughed. “Weren’t you in the front row?” both girls nodded. “Did the band see you?”

Jack snorted. “Yeah, Mark even pointed us out.”

“That’s amazing,” Jess laughed. 

“Doesn’t change my opinion,” Ronan said. 

Alex snorted and Jack kissed her shoulder as they continued the ride. 

They arrived at a rather large house, having to park down the road since there were so many cars parked out on the street. Alex could hear the music when they pulled up into the street so she wouldn’t be surprised if the police were called. 

“More EDM,” Adam commented as they walked to the house. “Fantastic.”

“Hilarious, Parrish.” Ronan said, but took Adam’s hand and ran towards the house. Alex could hear Adam laugh from the distance as the couple disappeared in the crowd. 

“To think I thought Ronan was intimidating.” Alex commented as she and the girls weaved through the crowd. 

Jack laughed. “Yeah, I did tell you he’s nowhere near as intimidating as he wants you to think.” 

“Unless you threaten Adam, then he will one hundred percent beat you up,” Lynn said with a laugh. 

Alex recalled the party at Jeffery’s house after homecoming. That explained why Jack, Lynn, and Jess intervened before things could get ugly. With this knowledge she really wished they would’ve let him since Jeffery deserved to be taught a lesson. Although, she wouldn’t choose it over Ronan getting arrested. 

“So do you know who’s house this is?” Alex asked Jack.

“Nah, the party leaked on Facebook so a ton of people are going.”

Alex simply shrugged, and the stepped into the house. Alex didn’t recognise anyone she saw which made her relax. She was focussed on having fun and she wouldn’t if she saw someone from school. All the house parties she’d gone to previously were filled to the brim with people from school so the new setting was different in the best kind of way. 

“Hey, daydreamer,” Jack said, nudging her gently with her shoulder. “In that head of yours again?”

Alex blushed slightly. “Just taking in the room,” she said. “I don’t like not knowing a place well.” 

Jack simply smiled, and wrapped and arm around her waist, pulling her to her side. Alex had just realised Jess and Lynn had disappeared into the crowd somewhere. She assumed that was why Jack made the gesture, since it seemed to be so easy to get lost in the crowd. 

“Have you ever been here before?” Alex asked, trying to not trip over her own feet as Jack pulled her along. 

“Yeah, there’s a pool in the back, that’s probably where the guys ended up.”

Alex let Jack drag her, dodging strangers as they did. By the look of it, the people around her were college aged, definitely in their twenties. They paid no attention to the two girls, only sending small glances if Jack shoved past them too roughly. 

When they finally reached outside, Alex couldn’t help but notice it was freezing. Jack was likely going to decide a swim was the perfect thing to do, so she hoped she won’t force her into swimming again. She noticed on a patio there was a hot tub, while a pool sat in the yard with a diving board. 

“Dare me to jump in?” Jack asked with a grin.

“No,” Alex said flatly. 

“I’m gonna jump in,” Jack dismissed and jogged over to the diving board, stripping down to her underwear. 

“Jack, come on!” Alex said, rolling her eyes but Jack didn’t listen, she stepped onto the diving board as if Alex hadn’t spoken. She wasn’t too worried Jack would hurt herself until Jack turned her back to the edge. That was when she started to panic. 

“What are you doing!” she practically shrieked, but Jack still didn’t listen. She bounced on the board and then sprang off, doing a perfect back flip into the pool. 

Alex ran to the edge of the pool as Jack’s head came out of the water, seeing her grinning ear to ear.

“Did I mention I was into diving?”

“No,” Alex said flatly.

Jack pushed herself out of the pool. “I used to be on the team as well,” she explained as she went to gather her clothes. “I gave it up when girls stared being bitchy in the locker room.”

“You gave it up?” Alex asked softly, able to piece together coming out is what lead to it. 

“It’s fine, I still do it in my free time. But yeah, I was really into it. Lost some good friends that way.” 

Alex bit her lip and rubbed her arm. She realised Jack’s life wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, that she did have serious struggles. She not only lost friends but she lost doing something she loved.

“I’m planning to get back into it in college anyway,” Jack assured. “I’m not trying to make a career out of it anyway, I lost a lot of free time because of it.”

“What about your friends?”

“If they were my friends they wouldn’t have abandoned me because I’m gay. Anyway, I’m freezing, do you want to get into the hot tub?”

Alex glanced over to it. It was empty, probably because people knew it wasn’t a smart idea to go in when it almost December. 

“Is it even on?”

“One way to find out.” Jack said and jogged to the hot tub, carrying her clothes in her arms. Alex rolled her eyes and followed her, half jogging behind her. 

“Yes! It’s on,” Jack grinned and tossed her clothes onto the patio and climb into the hot tub. “You coming in! It’s really warm.”

Alex stared at her for a moment, then shrugged. It was better than the pool and Jack seemed pretty set with staying in. She kicked off her shoes, stripped down to her own underwear, and climbed in next to Jack. It was a relief to be in the hot water after being in the cold. 

“Okay, this is nice,” Alex said, shuffling closer to Jack so their arms were pressing together. 

“I’m full of great ideas,” Jack grinned.

Alex smiled. “Sure you are.”

“I am, like right now I have the great idea to kiss you.”

Alex snorted. “I agree, that’s a fantastic idea.”

Jack grinned and held Alex by her hips, pulling her closer her to her and pressed her lips to hers. Alex kissed her back and held back a laugh as their lips moved together. It was nice to not have her long hair to weigh her down, and Jack definitely used that to her advantage, Jack running her fingers through Alex’s pixie cut and Alex let out a small moan and the feeling of that. Alex kept her wrists resting on Jack’s shoulders. Somehow, being surrounded by strangers made it easier to kiss Jack like this. It reminded her of their first kiss, where she was in a sea of strangers and air full of music, and she didn’t care who saw her with Jack. 

“No sex in the hot tub!” A voice called and the two girls pulled apart laughing. Maybe a bit too much like their first kiss. 

“Thanks for ruining the mood!” Jack called back between her laughs. 

Alex glanced over to see who yelled. It was a guy about college aged and the first thing Alex noticed was he was extremely muscly, not body builder level but pretty decent. If she were into guys she’d probably be really into him. 

“Let the girls what they like, Zack,” said his friend taking a sip from a red plastic cup, slipping his phone into his pocket. He looked weirdly familiar but Alex wasn’t sure where. “It was pretty hot. Even with the haircuts.”

Jack sent the guy a glare and turned back to Alex. “Want to go back inside?”

Alex nodded and put their clothes back on, despite still being mostly wet. Alex was thankful she didn’t have her long hair to make things worse.

“You didn’t have to stop!” the guy said, flashing the two girls a toothy smile. “Unless you need another.”

“No thanks, no dudes allowed is our policy,” Jack said with a glare, and took Alex’s hand to pull her back inside. “And that’s what pushes me to the stereotype of man hating lesbian.”

“No kidding,” Alex muttered. 

They decided to see if they could find Lynn and Jess or Adam and Ronan. The crowd had thinned slightly so it was easier to see if they could find their friends. 

“Oh, there they are,” Jack said, nodding to a corner where Ronan and Adam were with two other boys; one boy with blondish-red curly hair boy and one with dark skin. 

“Hey, finally found you,” Jack grinned when they got to the group. 

“Why are you wet?” Adam asked, his eyes looking up and down at the two.

“Pool had a diving board, and there was a hot tub.”

“Sounds about right,” Ronan muttered.

“Gonna introduce us to your friends?” Jack asked looking at the other two boys. 

“Oh right,” Adam said. “This is Wylan and his boyfriend Jesper; I tutor Wylan in English,” he explained.

Wylan seemed somewhat embarrassed by the statement as he ducked his head down slightly. “I just need to pass, I want to get into a music college.”

“He’s really good at that,” Jesper said with a smile. “You’ve been playing the piano since you were pretty young, right?”

Wylan nodded in reponse.

They sat with the two couples, talking about nothing in particular. Apparently it was Ronan’s idea to invite Jesper and Wylan since he had met them once before and they got along well. That also explained where Ronan and Adam had ran off to when they arrived.

They left the house a little after midnight, mostly since they all had a curfew around one o’clock. Alex was practically falling asleep in Jack’s lap, and it didn’t help that Jack was playing with her hair as if she was a kitten, relaxing her more. 

“Did you have fun?” Jack mumbled in her ear.

“Mhm,” Alex mumbled softly. “You really should show me your diving skills sometime.”

“Oh, she is really good,” Lynn grinned.

Jack shrugged. “I’m okay.”

“She’s also a pretty good gymnast before she stopped,” Jess said.

“You were a gymnast?” Alex asked, turning her head to Jack.

“Just until eighth grade, that was when I started diving more,” Jack explained. “I don’t really do either much anymore, sometimes for fun. Gymnast stuff did help with the diving stuff. I not a pro or anything, just basics like hand sprints and cart wheels. I’ll show you sometime.”

“I’d like that,” Alex smiled.


	21. Chapter 20

At this point, Alex was used to remarks from Jeffery, so when she passed him and his friend when going to sit with Lynn and Adam, she was able to ignore the sniggering coming from the two. That was until Jeffery spoke quite loudly, clearly trying to get the attention of other students. 

“So my brother told me he went to this party some frat guy was throwing, and these two girls were making out right in the hot tub.”

That stopped her in her tracks. She could feel Jeffery’s eyes burning into the back of her head. She took a deep breath and sat between Lynn and Adam. She had to not let it bother her, but that explained the guy at the party and why he looked familiar.

“Really? Were the girls hot?” replied his friend in an equally obnoxious voice. 

“See for yourself, he recorded it.” At that, a few people moved to his desk and crouched at his phone as the video played. 

Alex was frozen but she could tell from her peripherals that Lynn and Adam had glanced at her. They knew what was going on. 

It was her and Jack. She didn’t need to be told that.

Slowly, she got up from her seat and left the room. 

The halls were mostly empty, since the warning bell had rang. Still, she rushed down the hallway, her sneakers taping loudly against the floor. 

She finally made it outside. She usually wouldn’t skip class, wouldn’t even think of it. But somehow, this made things worse. She couldn’t handle everyone knowing, that was difficult enough. But a video of her and Jack kissing… only in their bras and underwear… it was both terrifying and humiliating. 

She got into her car and took long, deep breaths. The only thing that could make this worse was a panic attack. When she’d finally calmed down, she took off and drove. She didn’t have a destination; she couldn’t go home. And she didn’t want to pull anyone out of class because of her problems. 

God she needed a smoke.

Instead of going back to the school and to the bathroom on the off chance Clary and Isabelle were there, she drove to a nearby convince store and used her fake ID. She’d be eighteen in a few weeks so she didn’t feel like she was breaking too big of a rule. It was still sold to her, as well as a lighter and she decided to add some gum to the mix. When she got back to her car she drove to a nearby lake, deciding not to stink up her car. 

Not many people were by the lake, but she parked the car in the car park and sat on her car’s hood as she lit up her cigarette. It had started to lightly snow the night before, so there was some snow dusting the area. 

Thankfully, she was relaxed by her cigarette. It wouldn’t fix her problems but she could at least forget about her problems for a while. 

She stayed there for a while, deciding it was time to check her phone, which she put on do not disturb in order to really get some peace. 

Not to her surprise, she’d gotten a large amount of texts. Some were unsaved numbers which were remarks about the video, while she had some from her friends.

‘Are you okay? Seriously, are you’ from Lynn.

‘Please come back, don’t let those assholes get to you’ from Adam.

‘Lynn told be what happened, please reply’ from Jess. 

‘What fucking dickheads. Please don’t let them get to you’ from Ronan.

Her heart broke at the amount she saw from Jack.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I heard about the video please reply’

‘Babe please reply’

‘I know this is bad but please reply’

‘Where did you go? You’re seriously worrying me’

‘Alex please please PLEASE reply’

Alex rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger. She should’ve known Jack would be worrying and she really didn’t want to cause that stress in her. 

She decided to reply with something quick. 

‘I’m okay, decided to skip school. I’ll talk to you later’

She huffed, watching her frosty breath evaporate into the air. Maybe she’d go to the mall or something. That’s not too bad of a way to use her day. When she finished her smoke she took out a strip of gum and placed it in her mouth. Even though cigarettes calmed her down she didn’t want to keep the taste in her mouth. 

She got in her car and drove to the mall, playing one of her Taylor Swift albums to help her calm down a bit more. She didn’t check her phone until she got to the mall, and when she did she had a text from Jack.

‘I’m skipping, where are you?’

She got the message about ten minutes ago and judging by the time Jack would’ve just gotten out of class. 

‘The mall’ she texted back. 

Jack pretty much didn’t give her an option whether or not she was going to come, Jack said she was skipping and she’d meet Alex at Sephora. It didn’t surprise Alex too much, Jack was really into makeup and always had really nice makeup. If Alex wore makeup she kept it light, bb cream, mascara, and lip gloss. Jack was pretty much on Instagram level and Alex had no clue how she did it. 

It would take about twenty minutes for Jack to get there so Alex went straight there, deciding to distract herself with the makeup. She never looked at makeup beyond what was sold at CVS so she joined other people fiddling with the products. She distracted herself with putting swatches on the back of her hand, some pencil stuff, some eye shadows and highlighter. By the time Jack arrived both of the back of her hands were a mess. 

“Having fun?” Jack grinned at her. 

Alex smiled at her. “Hey to you too.”

“Needs help washing it off?” Jack asked, nodding to her hands. 

Alex stared at her hands which were a mess of colours, black streaks, and glowing powder. “I’m guessing soap and water won’t be enough.”

Jack nodded and lead her to a long counter that was lined with mirrors, disposable tools, makeup brushes, and bottles of sanitary spray and makeup remover. Jack picked up a bottle of makeup remover, squirted it onto a cotton pad and took Alex’s hand, cleaning the makeup away. 

“So why’d you want to meet here?” Alex asked.

“Makeup is fun,” Jack said. “I’ll give you a mini makeover with testers.”

“Bold,” Alex smiled. “How will you do that?”

“Don’t underestimate my ability,” she grinned and dragged her to one of the brands. She ended up collecting everything needed for a full face of makeup. Alex could barely keep track of everything Jack was getting but she could tell that much. 

Alex sat down at one of the chairs and Jack picked up a few of the brushes and sanitary spray, as well as something that looked like as disposable mascara wands. 

“So, is this a hobby or are you actually going to be a makeup artist?” Alex asked as Jack blended foundation on her face. 

“Yeah, I really want to be a makeup artist actually,” Jack said. “I’ve always loved makeup. When I was little I would always steal my mom and my sister’s makeup. Then when I was thirteen my sister taught me some basics, then I learnt more from YouTube. Look up.”

Alex did and Jack put what she assumed was concealer under her eyes and blended it with a disposable sponge. 

“You are way better than me,” Alex said as she blended.

Jack shrugged. “I could teach you.”

“Nah, I’m not into big makeup, this is nice though.”

Jack smiled. “I’m going for a nice but natural look.” And she continued to work. They were like that for about twenty minutes, and Alex was surprised they hadn’t been told off, unless this was something they were allowed to do. Jack had to step away a few times to get things she needed and Alex resisted looking in the mirror. 

“And, done,” Jack smiled after sliding on some liquid lipstick. Alex turned to the mirror and she smiled. The makeover itself felt good but she felt even better when she saw herself. It looked natural but she could see the light bronze and highlight, as well as the simple eye look. 

“What do you think?” Jack asked.

“You’re really good,” Alex smiled and bent over to peck Jack’s lips. 

“Thanks, I think it’s good too. Maybe I can skip beauty school and just apply at a mac.”

“Thanks, for making me feel better,” she said. 

Jack smiled at her. “Happy to.”

…

“Are you sure no one’s home?” Alex asked when she followed Jack into her house.

“Don’t worry, both my parents won’t be back until five, and my siblings don’t live here anymore. We have the house to ourselves.”

Alex smiled and followed Jack as she walked into the kitchen. “Want anything to eat?”

Alex shrugged. “Coffee would be nice,” she said when she noticed the coffee machine. Within a couple of minutes, they each had coffee and were sat in Jack’s living room watching Inside Out. Alex rested her head on Jack’s shoulder as they watched the movie, curling her legs onto the couch as they watched the movie in a comfortable silence. 

“You didn’t have to skip school for me,” Alex said, breaking the silence. 

“I didn’t want to leave you alone,” Jack said. “What’d you do when you left?”

“Drove for a bit, got some smokes, and stayed by the lake for a bit.”

Jack gently patted Alex’s hair. “I thought I could smell smoke on you, the gum hid it mostly.”

“Sorry,” Alex mumbled. “I know you don’t like it.”

“I will say I prefer you smoking with Clary and Isabelle but I get why you did it.”

“How many people have seen it?” Jack didn’t reply. “Jack, please.”

“I think it’s better if you don’t know.”

“Jack, I’m gonna find out anyway.”

Jack sighed. “It’s getting around on twitter. So a few people at school saw us kissing, so what?”

Alex sat up and turned her body to Jack. “So what? What if this somehow gets to my parents?”

“Do your parents have twitter?”

“No.”

“Then how will it get back to them?”

“It could! I don’t want to be outed to them.”

“Then tell them.”

“I’m not ready for that.”

Jack huffed. “Fine, it’s hard for you. But they’re probably not gonna see it.”

“You seriously just don’t get it, do you?”

“Don’t get it?” Jack asked, staring at her. “I had to come out too, just so you know. To parents that grew up where being gay was, you know, literally illegal. And even if you take England into account, Europe is way more accepting. The Middle East isn’t as much, is it?” Her tone had gotten harsh, her words spitting fire at her. “My parents won’t even let me tell my family members in Lebanon. Because honestly? They’ll pretty much exile me from the family. So yes, I fucking get it.” 

Alex stared at her. How could she have been so naïve? Of course Jack knew how hard this was. Realistically, Alex had little reason to be scared of coming out. Her parents weren’t homophobic, they seemed pretty happy to hear about the supreme courts decision to legalise marriage equality across the whole country. Jack though, she was from whole different culture than her. Of course coming out was hard for her.

Jack sighed. “Maybe you should go home.”

“What?” Alex squeaked out.

“I think I need time alone.”

“I’m sorry about what I said-“ she tried to say only to be cut off.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jack seemed very defiant in her decision. So, Alex slowly stood up and walked out, trying her hardest not to cry.


	22. Chapter 21

Alex laid on her back on the roof, looking up at the stars as she took small drags from her smoke. When she was younger she always wanted a treehouse, but she always had to settle for the ledge of roof outside her window. It was still comforting. She was able to be in her own thoughts. She didn’t come up here as much as she used to but she still enjoyed it. She mostly did it during the summer but, despite the weather, it was the piece she needed at that moment.

After her fight with Jack she came straight home. There was still an hour left of the school day when she did but no one was home when she got there. She went straight up to her room and started to make her way through her pack, sitting by her window to let the smoke pour out, not caring about letting the cold air in.

The combination of the cold air hitting her lungs combined with the smoked burned but it was comforting. For the time being, she could pretend she was the only person in this world, letting the cold bit her skin as she pretended she didn’t lose her best friends and her girlfriend wasn’t mad at her. She had no problems that could keep her down. She had nothing to stress about. It was just her in an empty world.

…

Unfortunately, that wasn’t her life. When she got to school the next day, she saw people sniggering in her direction as they were huddled around a phone, sometimes an iPad, sometimes a laptop. She did receive a few looks of sympathy but she ignored all of them. Maybe if she pretended they weren’t looking at her the video would just stop existing.

That didn’t last too long, as she walked to her locker she saw Stacy and Rory huddled around their lockers. Of course they were, what else would they do in the morning? It’s like now they used it as their perfect opportunity to torture her. She remembered when things were easier, when she was happy to see her friends in the morning, when her friends didn’t give her malicious looks.

Where was Ronan when she needed him?

Even still, it was close to when the warning bell would ring so with a deep breath, she walked up to her locker, averting her eyes from the two girls.

“Oh, there you are,” Came Rory’s bite.

She blocked them out and turned in her combination.

“God, how can you live with such a disgusting video online of you,” Stacy sneered.

She took out the books she would need.

“But really, you forced other people to see such a disgusting sight?”

Where the fuck was her pen.

“I can’t believe they would let the likes of you into a party like that. Jeffery’s brother Timothy was honestly disgusted.”

He didn’t sound so disgusted. Alex thought, and realised Jeffery’s attitude made sense. And seriously? His name is Timothy? Were their parents just planning to give them both names that fit their Aryan appearance? 

“Honestly, I don’t know how you could show up to school with that video all over Twi-“ Rory was cut off, as there was someone now between them. 

Ronan.

“Hey Alex, come on. We gotta go spread the gay agenda today,” he said but was looking in Stacy and Rory’s direction as he did.

“But I need a pen,” she said.

“Adam always has spares; he’ll give you one. Now come on, we don’t want to be late.”

He – slightly roughly – took Alex’s arm, closed her locker and pulled her to where her first class was.

“Thanks,” she said. 

“You seriously scared us yesterday,” he said, quickly changing the subject.

“Do you blame me?”

Ronan hesitated before answering. “No, I guess. But still, you just ran off and we couldn’t get a hold of you for hours.”

“Sorry,” she said softly.

“Well, sorry doesn’t mean we weren’t worried as fuck about you.”

“To think people think you’re hard and cold,” Alex said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“By now you know me better than that.”

“Okay, but you’re not helping the case but still holding my arm, and kind of tightly at that.”

“What?” he asked and looked at her arm. “Oh,” he let her go. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, my jacket stopped me from losing circulation,” she said as she rubbed her arm to ease the soreness. 

He gave her a stern look. “You and Jack need to talk.”

She huffed. “Great, you guys know? It was just a tiff. I said some things I shouldn’t have; she’ll calm down an accept my apology.”

“Tiff or not, there are things you need to know.”

“I can assume she quit because girls thought she was looking at them in the change room.”

Ronan shook his head. “There’s way more than that.”

“What… do you mean?” she asked, staring at him.

“Not my place to tell you, so she’ll probably talk about with you over lunch.”

“But… can you at least give me more than vague details?”

“Nope, this is between you and Jack, she needs to explain things to you. I’m just your messenger.”

“Does it have to do with gymnastics and diving?”

“Still not my place.”

“You’re real helpful, you know that?” she grunted.

“Hey, communication between two people in a relationship is actually important. It’s probably the most important, right up there with trust. But you can’t have trust without communication. Remember that ex I told you about? Before Adam.”

“Sort of.”

“Well, we had little communication. We didn’t talk about how we felt in our relationship or our baggage. That pretty much broke us up.”

“Did you trust him at least?” 

“Really, I don’t know. Because we never had that communication to build trust. I spent a lot of time with him yet I don’t think I knew him at all.”

“So you’re saying hear Jack out?”

“Well, she’s not exactly innocent of not communicating. She always avoids talking too much about herself. You didn’t even know she did gymnastics or diving, did you?”

“I didn’t even know she wants to be a professional makeup artist.” The more she thought about it, she didn’t know too much about Jack outside of what music she liked. The most she got out of her was how her family felt about her sexuality. And that was only to comfort her, to show her that there is worse out there. But it was so vague that she couldn’t know the full story. Maybe they did need to work on their communication skills.

“Seriously?” Ronan asked, looking genuinely surprised. “Wow, you two seriously need to talk.”

“I came to that conclusion on my own, thanks,” she sighed, rubbing her temples.

…

“Hey,” came a soft voice from behind her. Alex turned away from her locker to see Jack biting down on her lip. Jack usually met her in the cafeteria during lunch so , even though she knew Jack wanted to talk, she was surprised to see her.

“Hey Jack,” Jess said from her side when Alex didn’t say anything.

“Hi,” Alex said softly, her voice small. 

“Uh, Alex I wanted to talk. Is that okay? Ronan told me he told you but I wanted to be sure.”

Alex nodded. She wanted to talk to Jack, needed to talk to Jack.

“I’ll see you later then?” Jess asked.

Jack nodded at her. “Yeah, pretty sure the guys are already in the cafeteria.”

Jess nodded and left the two alone. Alex gently closed her locker door as she turned fully to Jack.

“Can we talk somewhere more private?” Jack asked, shuffling on her feet. It was weird seeing Jack so… nervous. Like there were walls she was carefully taking down.

“Okay,” Alex replied.

Jack lead her to an empty dance room, which Alex was surprised to see was unlocked.

“The teacher keeps it open in case people want to practice,” Jack explained when she saw Alex’s confused look. 

“You do dance?” Alex asked.

Jack nodded. “Ever since I was little”

“That’s… cool.”

“Yeah, I really focussed on it when I was kicked off of diving.”

“Wait what?” Jack had said she quit diving, getting kicked off was very different.

Jack sighed, and sat on the floor. She pat the spot next to her and Alex sat down next to her.

“After I came out, girls were sure I was sneaking peaks at them in the change room. They were certain. It was to the point I started changing in a bathroom stall. I wouldn’t even shower since they were communal, so I’d end up just smelling like chlorine all day since, lucky me, practice was in the morning. I would sit and wait until everyone had left so I wouldn’t see them.” At this point, Jack had started to cry. Her words were coming out in between small sobs, and her nose sounded stuffed up. “But that didn’t work. Some of my teammates were afraid I was staring at them through the cracks in the stall, and that was why I wouldn’t leave until they all had left. And you know what? My coach bought it. She kicked me off the team for ‘making the other girls uncomfortable’. I loved diving so much. Like I said, I gave up gymnastics for it. And I loved gymnastics. But that experience made me just not want to do it anymore.

“But that’s not it, no there’s so much more. After I was kicked off, cheerleading tryouts were open. I thought, that could be fun. Gymnastics, dance, and shouting. I’m good at all of those. And even though I did well in the tryout, I got a note in my locker that said ‘cheerleading’s not for dykes’. I didn’t bother looking at the list of who made it, what was the point? I knew I didn’t. That’s when I met the guys. Ronan and Lynn were already out, but they really supported me and made me feel more confident about myself, I honestly have no idea what I’d do without them.”

They fell into silence, but everything made sense. Alex hadn’t even considered how people would’ve reacted when Jack came out. Sure, she saw people give her shit but she never really thought about the extent. She was too focussed on herself to think about it.

That’s when she started to cry beside her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I shouldn’t have said you didn’t get it. Your situation is just as bad as mine.”

Jack sniffled, and wiped her nose with her sleeve. “No, I should’ve told you. Fuck, I really should’ve. I just hate talking about it. If I hadn’t been forced out, who knows? I could be working towards the Olympics. In diving or in gymnastics. But at this point diving is ruined for me and the same thing would probably happen if I went back into gymnastics. I’m happy just going to beauty school.”

“But why not go back to gymnastics?” Alex asked. 

“You’re not the only one who overthinks things. I’m so scared the same thing will happen again that I just don’t bother.”

“Well… can I see what you can do at least?” 

“Huh?” Jack asked, cocking her head to the side. 

“Like, I want to see what you can do, flips, cartwheels, handsprings… you clearly really loved it.”

Jack stared at her for a moment, then smiled. “Okay, sure.” She stood up. “I’ll gave to be careful since there’s no gymnastic mats.” She rubbed her hands together and took a deep breath. “I’ll start with something easy.”

She pushed her arms in front of her, took a deep breath and pushed herself into a handstand. She was able to keep her body straight before falling back onto her feet. She seemed to be keeping her focus on what she was doing, and did a cartwheel, then another with one hand.

Alex was afraid to speak, as if any sound she made would disturb Jack concentration. She was now at the other wall, taking a few deep breaths before raising her arms into the air, and flipping backwards into a back handspring and another. When she was on her feet, she let out her breath, as if she had been holding it during her handsprings. She looked back at Alex and Alex gaped back at her. 

“That was… really good, like really, really good.”

Jack snorted. “Those we really basic.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Well, I guess it’s fair since you’re a way better drawer than me,” she, sitting back with Alex, crossing her legs.

Alex smiled. “So, are we okay?”

Jack smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I should’ve been honest, and I should’ve told you that it was really difficult for me. It took me a while to get to this point where I don’t give a fuck what people think. And the thing is, it does hurt sometimes. I seriously had to stop myself from crying but I didn’t want to give them that. They don’t deserve my tears. But of course I was upset about the video. I don’t want a video of us making out in a hot tub, in our fucking underwear, to be seen by a ton of strangers. Not just because it upsets you, but because if there was a video of us making out, it’d be by me with your permission. It’s fucking bullshit and I wish I could just erase it.”

Alex leaned forward and kissed her. “We can’t erase it, you’re right. So I guess the best thing we can do is to just ignore them and keep our chins up.”

Jack smiled. “That’s my girl.”

…

She had an idea for her art project. 

It sprang on her when she and Jack got to the cafeteria, walking hand in hand in the hallway and ignoring anyone who’s eyes burned at them.

When she got to class she started to sketch. She had it in her head but she had to get it down on paper. For once, she didn’t care if her work was rough, she needed to get this idea down, while also scribbling down ideas on another piece of paper. She had an idea, an idea she liked, an idea she hoped worked when she had it sketched out. She’d gone through so many ideas but this is the only one she’d liked, even if it was still in her brain. 

She worked on it for the entire duration of class. She kept her focus, blocking out everyone around her. By the end of her class, her hand was cramping and pencil lead was all over her palm but she looked at her piece and smiled, it was perfect.


	23. Chapter 22

When Alex was younger, she hated it when her birthday fell on a weekend. She hated not being able to go to school and having everyone pay attention to her on her birthday, like what usually happens to other people. In elementary school, the class would always sing to the birthday kid and everyone would pass them, taking the time to wish them happy birthday. Her favourite day to have her birthday was Friday. Her last birthday to fall on a Friday was her fifteenth. She, Stacy, and Rory were able to convince their parents to let them throw a slumber party on the day of her birthday. The invited a few other girls too and it was one of Alex’s fondest memories of high school.

Unfortunately, this year her birthday fell on a Monday. 

Her parents were never the sort to let her stay home on her birthday, even if it was almost Christmas break. So she had to force herself out of bed that morning, before making her way downstairs.

“Happy birthday, Lexi!” her mom said affectionately when she got downstairs. Her mom never usually called her Lexi, unless she was in a really happy mood. Maybe adding on she was no longer friends with Rory and Stacy made her amp it up today. Alex didn’t mind being called Lexi, too much at least. 

“Hey, mom,” she smiled and when she got to the kitchen she could smell what her mom was cooking. She couldn’t help but grin.

“You’re making chocolate pancakes?” 

Her mom nodded and smiled, as she served them onto a plate. “Anything for the birthday girl.”

Alex had loved chocolate pancakes ever since she was a kid. Her mom usually used a premade sort, but judging by the bowls in the sink, her mom had made this from scratch. 

Alex happily sat at the table where it was already set for her and grinned. At her seat there was already a glass of orange juice waiting for her. She took a sip, and noticed how sour it was.

“Is this freshly squeezed?” she asked, not bothering to hold back a grin.

Her mom nodded. “Yep, just the one you like it.”

Alex happily drank her orange juice has her mom set the pancakes down in front of her. 

“So, are you doing anything for your birthday?”

Alex shrugged. “No, I guess not.”

“You could bring your new friends over if you’d like. As long as you don’t make too much noise. And their parents are okay with it.”

Alex was slightly thrown off by the offer. She was half expecting her mom to bring up Stacy and Rory but by the look of it, her mom had gotten used to her having different friends. So she nodded, deciding to bring it up when she got to school.

“Okay, I’ll bring it up.”

She silently ate her breakfast and decided to put on some makeup after she brushed her teeth. Her blue hair had started fading a while ago, and had become pretty patchy. It had grown a little since she cut it but Lynn had been helping her keep the pixie cut maintained. 

She wouldn’t have pictured her eighteenth birthday like this. She pictured enjoying it with Stacy and Rory, maybe watching movies or going to get pizza. In middle school, they would gush about their eighteenth birthdays. Despite everything, she did feel the smallest tug of disappointment that wasn’t going to happen.

When she got to school, she walked straight to her locker and was surprised to see Jess and Ronan waiting by it. 

“Uh, hey guys,” she said when she saw Jess was grinning at her while Ronan had a less enthusiastic but still kind smile 

“Morning, birthday girl,” Jess grinned and Alex realised she was holding a plastic tiara. 

“Oh,” Alex said a little thrown off but still smiled. “Thanks.”

“We’re here to take you somewhere that isn’t class,” Ronan explained.

“You’re making me cut?” 

“Just the first class, promise.”

“Even Adam?”

Ronan smirked. “What can I say, I’m very convincing,” he said with a wink.

“Ew,” Alex and Jess said in unison, Ronan chuckling softly.

“Anyway, come on before the bell rings.” And after placing the plastic tiara on her head, Jess grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her along. Alex let her and they weaved through the crowd, Ronan in front of them as they walked. Even from the back Ronan came across as intimidating. His hands were in the pockets of his black leather jacket, his tattoo peeking out from the collar, and his heavy boots stomped on the floor. To think this is the same guy that turned soft around Adam. 

Finally, Ronan stopped outside a door that lead to one of the dance rooms. Alex remembered it as the same room Jack took her to when she explained her situation. Jess let go of her wrist and Ronan turned to her. 

"As the birthday girl, you must be carried into the room," Ronan said. 

"Really?" Alex asked, raising her brow and laughing a little. 

"It's a tradition in our group."

"Yep, got the same treatment on my birthday," Jess said. 

So Alex, kind of begrudgingly, got onto Ronan's back and let him carry her into the room just as the warning bell rang. 

"Everyone, I bring you the birthday girl!" His voice bellowed as they walked in. Alex looked around the room, the first thing she noticed was there was a table set up and a container held chocolate cupcakes and there was a pile of presents. Who was actually in the room was Jack, Lynn, and Adam as expected but Clary and Isabelle were there too. 

"We take birthdays very seriously," Jack said when she saw Alex was looking around the room. 

"Cool, can Ronan let me down now, though?" 

"What, not enjoying riding a gay guy?" Alex didn't need to see his face to know he was smirking. 

"That's it, now you have to put her down," Adam said as Clary and Isabelle both snorted. 

"Sorry, Parrish," he muttered as he set Alex down. 

"You guys seriously didn't have to do this," Alex said smiling. 

"True, but we wanted to," Jack said. "It's a tradition; one that should still happen in some sort of way on my birthday even though school will be done by the way."

"Okay Jack, don't worry," Lynn said rolling her eyes. "I'm pretty sure Alex wants to see her presents."

Alex was about to protest about the gifts only to be cut off. "It's your birthday," Clary said. "We wanted to so we did. Besides, they're already here might as well enjoy them."

When Alex realised there was no point in protesting, she went up to the table and opened her presents. She received a new sketch book from Lynn – "always good to have spares" she'd explained –, good quality markers from Jess – "joint gift but something from both of us" Jess explained –, a new pack of cigarettes from Clary and Isabelle – "oh perfect, encourage her" – Adam had protested –, a Princess Leia funko a pop from Adam, a Han Solo one from Ronan – "clearly a couple gifting a couple sounds fair" Adam joked –, and finally, from Jack she'd gotten her a Tarte mascara in a purple tube – "I know you like mascara and this one is my personal favourite" Jack had said smiling brightly at her. 

"Seriously, this is too much," Alex said, not holding back her smile. 

"Well it's your eighteenth, why not make you feel special?" Clary asked. 

"I'll just have to carry everything to my car, somehow."

"This room isn't used until after lunch, we can get them during lunch and leave them here," Jack said. 

"Are we even allowed in here?" 

"Probably not, but this room is never kept locked."

"Well, if I can change the subject," Ronan interjected. "Those cupcakes look delicious and I doubt Lynn would be happy if they go uneaten."

"I would be unhappy actually," Lynn said. "I made these for today and I doubt they'd want to go uneaten."

Alex laughed and nodded, opening the container and grabbing one for herself. There was enough that everyone got two each and they tasted pretty great. 

"Maybe I can make something ne-" Isabelle began to say, only to be cut off. 

"No you will not," Clary said. "No one needs to be poisoned."

"Oh come on, my cooking isn't that bad."

"Yes, it is." 

Alex snorted. "Thanks for throwing this guys, I was actually going to suggest just coming to my place to watch some movies."

"We can still do that if you want," Jack said. 

Alex nodded. "Cool, I'll send the address and you can come around five."

... 

When Alex got home, they gave her presents; a hairband with small fake flowers on it that looked like it was from Forever 21, some new water colours, and a Green Day shirt. 

She'd told her parents that her friends would be coming around five and her mom offered to go get them some food to eat. After she'd left, Alex collected some movies for them to watch. She settled on a few comedies and put some popcorn in the microwave. 

“So, are Stacy and Rory coming over?” her dad asked when she started the microwave. 

Alex felt her body stiff slightly, as her head slowly turned to her dad. “Uh, no. No they’re not,” she said. “Different friends are coming over.”

“Oh, are you okay?” her dad asked.

“I’m fine, they’re good people.”

“Well do you think you girls will make up soon?”

“No,” Alex said averting her eyes. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, have fun tonight.”

Alex nodded and her dad left her to move into his study. She was going to keep her mind off of them and just enjoy her birthday. 

The doorbell first rang around a quarter to five. She grinned and was met with Zack grinning at her.

“Hey, pretty girl,” she said.

“Hey,” Alex laughed. “My parents are home, so maybe tone that down.”

Jack’s smile faltered slightly but still nodded. 

“So, what’s on the movie agenda?” she asked when she walked in.

“Both of the Jump Street movies and Legally Blonde. Should be enough time to watch all three.”

Jack grinned. “I love those movies, have anymore in case we have more time?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll show you my collection, I’m quite proud of it.”

They ran upstairs excitedly, probably making too much noise as they did. Jack hadn’t been to her house since Stacy had caught them. Jack hadn’t looked too much at her movie collection, and she definitely hadn’t seen the collection under her bed. 

“Okay,” Jack said, kneeling down in front of her collection. “You have a lot to choose from.”

“I like movies,” she shrugged.

“Clearly,” she said, smiling at her.

Alex glanced at her bed. “I have more, hold on?” she jogged over to her bed and pulled out the shoebox. She sat next to Jack and opened it. 

“Wow, not too bad,” Jack said shuffling through the movie. “Oh my god, I love Imagine Me and You.”

“We can’t watch it, my parents might put two and two together.”

As Jack shuffled through her movie she laughed lightly. “So this is just your collection of gay movies?”

“Yep.”

“Have you seen Blue is the Warmest Colour?” Jack asked, glancing at her. 

Alex shook her head. “No, I’ve read the graphic novel though.”

“Have you read Everything Leads to You?” 

“No.”

“You should, I need it to be a movie. It’s so cute,” she gushed. “But next time, we’ll be cooped up here and watch these movies.”

“I’d like that,” Alex smiled.

“For now though,” she reached for one of the DVDs in the shelf. “Let’s go with the Perks of Being a Wallflower.”

Alex grinned. “I love that movie.”

Jack turned to her and she leaned forward and kissed her. Alex was slightly surprised but she kissed her back, a small smile on her lips as she kissed her back.

“What was that for?”

“Thought you needed a proper birthday kiss.”

Alex laughed and pecked her lips. “Well thank you.”

…

Everyone else came not too long later, and fast enough they were sat watching 21 Jump Street. 

“Am I the only one who prefers the sequel?” Lynn asked, sitting crossed legged next to Alex. 

“Nah, too little Dave Franco,” Jack said on the other side of Alex.

“Agreed,” Clary and Isabelle said. 

Alex snorted quietly and rested her head on Jack’s shoulder. She’d came to the conclusion resting her head on her shoulder wouldn’t at all be suspicious to her parents, so she happily kept her head rested there.

“Is it just me or is it weird mini M&M’s taste about a billion times better than the normal ones,” Ronan asked after a while, tossing one into his mouth.

“I don’t know, you ate it all,” Adam grumbled, looking down at the empty bowl in his lap as he sat between Ronan’s legs on the floor. Ronan simply smirked and kissed the spot behind his ear.

“I’ll get more, if that makes you feel better,” Alex laughed. 

Adam thanked her and passed her the bowl and walked into the kitchen, assuring the group they didn’t need to pause the movie. 

“Alex?” her mom spoke up when she poured the mini M&M’s into the bowl.

“Yeah, mom? Are we too loud?” she asked, glancing over.

“No, I’m just curious about… the two boys?”

Crap, she was going to say something homophobic, just like she feared, “Uh, what about them?”

“Nothing, are they a couple?” She didn’t say it in any sort of negative or harsh tone, really only sheer curiosity. 

“Do teenage boys typically sit like that?” 

“Good point, they seem nice together.”

Alex almost let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah, they are.” 

“I was a little curious about you inviting boys over, but them being gay makes more sense.”

She bit her tongue before stating Adam was actually bisexual but she let it slide. Her mom was smiling at the two as Ronan played with Adam’s hair, Adam sitting comfortably against Adam. 

“Just call if you need anything,” her mom said when she looked back at her. 

Alex nodded and with a smile, walked back to the living room. 

“And here are the superior M&M’s,” she said, taking one for herself before handing it to Adam. He laughed softly and they made it through the movies, small remarks made every now and then.


	24. Chapter 23

Alex always considered being able to zip up dresses one of her few talents. Her mom had insisted on getting her a new dress for Christmas, since they were going to be spending it with family, at least the few that lived in America. It was the same every year but Alex would never pass up a new dress, especially one she didn’t have to pay for. As usual, she didn’t go too heavy on makeup but Jack had given her a dark lipstick for Christmas insisting it would suit her, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t. She’d been playing around with eyeshadow too, but she hadn’t splurged on any of those really expensive pallets. Maybe another time. Although, she was using her finger instead of a brush, a fact that horrified Jack. 

Jack had left for Lebanon a few days ago so she hadn’t been able to speak to her much. She’d spent a lot of time with Ronan, Adam, Lynn, and Jess. She was glad she was able to enjoy her time with them without Jack there. They’d gone to the karaoke bar again and she did a few songs with Lynn. Lynn was actually a pretty good singer, and she still had fun even though their singing voices were so different that they probably didn’t sound as good as they did on solos. 

“Excited to see your cousins, Alex?” Her dad asked. 

“I guess,” Alex shrugged, looking up from her phone. She was thankful there wasn’t a too large of a time difference, seven hours was long but Jack was able to talk to her when she was in the evening. 

“Are you going to be on your phone the whole day?” her mom asked.

“No,” she said, smiling at a joke Jack made. “Just filling up time.”

Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she smiled at the message.

‘miss you and your cute face’

“You’d think you were texting a boy,” her mom laughed.

“No, just Jack – Jacqueline.” Her parents had met Jack a couple of times, when they were working on their English project and on her birthday. Her parents seemed to have accepted Alex was no longer friends with Stacy and Rory, her mom even going as far as calling her new friends ‘nice looking.’ Even after she figured out Ronan and Adam were a couple, which was a relief but she’d heard stories of parents feeling differently when it came to their own children so she still kept her mouth shut. 

“You two have become pretty good friends,” her dad noted.

“Oh yeah, we’re into a lot of the same sort of music and movies, so we get along well.”

“Well it’s good you found such a good friend.”

Alex almost laughed at the statement; the words reminded her of the age old ‘gal pals’ statement the media tended to make. It was so ridiculous closeness between two girls could be regarded as simply friendship. 

“I’m happy about it too,” she simply replied and texted Jack for a while longer.

“Isn’t she doing anything for Christmas? Her parents probably wouldn’t want her texting.” Her mom said.

“Nah, she’s in Lebanon for Christmas. There’s like a seven-hour time difference.”

“Seven hours, huh? Must be some bad jet lag,” her dad chuckled.

“I’m sure she’s planning to take a good nap, knowing her,” she said, laughing softly.

They pulled up to her aunt and uncles home, and told Jack she wouldn’t be able to talk anymore. She pulled her eyes away from her phone and followed her parents to the house. They didn’t bother knocking, just letting themselves in. Her dad and his brother were still pretty close so it didn’t surprise her he opened the door like he lived there. 

When her uncle came up to greet them, Alex searched around for any of her cousins. Her aunt had a large family so most of the attendants were her side of the family. She got along with them okay but she mostly talked to her own cousins at these sort of events. 

With a small sigh of relief, she saw her cousin Amanda and, with a quick bye to her parents, half jogged over to her.

“Hey, Mandy,” she said, smiling at her. “Long time, no see, huh?”

“Hey to you too, Lexi.” Ever since they were young, they’d had affectionate nicknames for each other, names they tended to not let anyone else call them. Alex would usually cringe over ‘Lexi’ but Amanda had called her it for so long that she didn’t mind.

“You remember my cousin Corey, right?” she asked, nodding to one of the guys she’d been talking to. She did remember him, and she couldn’t help but notice how different he looked than the last time she saw him. He’d bulked up a little, clearly going to the gym, his facial hair was even rather than patchy, and he was styling his hair differently and was clearly starting to wash it more frequently. Corey was three years older than Alex and Amanda, and when they were kids he acted like it. He’d always try to boss them around and try to get them into trouble. Usually, they all got into trouble but there were those times only she and Amanda got caught and punished.

“Yeah, I remember, you’re hard to forget.” 

He laughed softly. “Well, you’ve definitely grown up, how’s senior year going?”

“Okay, I’m working on a project for my art class. Pretty proud of it.”

“Oh, so you’re planning to major in art?” his friend asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, hopefully Towson since it’s so close. I love Baltimore too much to leave.”

“Are your friends planning to stay in down too?”

Alex remembered the in passing conversation she had with Lynn and Jack about this, she wasn’t sure about Jess’s plan though. “One of my friends is trying to get into NYU’s graphic design program,” that friend being Lynn, “And another is trying to get into Ivy League. His boyfriend isn’t applying at all though.”

“Damn, I guess opposites attract,” Amanda laughed.

Alex laughed in response. “They balance each other out pretty well, actually. Anyway, my best friend is going for the American Beauty Academy.”

She’d never called Jack her best friend before. It’d always been ‘girlfriend’ and the words felt weird on her lips. Stacy had been her best friend for so long that calling Jack her best friend felt alien but she didn’t hate the way it felt on her lips. People always said that if your significant other was your best friend you were doing it right. 

“That’s sure a mix of friends, I can sure picture it,” Corey laughed.

“Hah, hah, how has college been then, big shot?” she asked with a playful glare.

“Pretty fun, met this idiot I call my boyfriend,” he said, nodding to the other guy.

“Does the idiot have a name?” Alex asked. She smiled at the two, she actually didn’t know Corey was gay – or maybe bi – but it had always been a suspicion in the family.

“What? No shock over me being gay?” he laughed.

Alex shrugged. “Nope, none at all. Plus, you said you’d marry Leo DiCaprio if you could when we watch Titanic.”

“Fair point,” he shrugged.

“And my name is John,” his boyfriend added. “But it’s cool you’re into art, creativity is a lost passion.”

“Let’s hope I can get a job, first. I’m kind of a perfectionist. In my art class at school we have this huge project due and it’s year-long. It’s meant to represent who we are. Took me forever and about a million sketches to come up with an idea I like.”

“Ooh, can you tell us about it?” Amanda sked, her eyes lighting up.

“No way, I don’t want to jinx it.” She was partly telling the truth, but she also would be telling them a part of herself she wasn’t totally ready to tell. 

“Well, when you’re done you better let us see it. Your art has always been great,” Corey said. 

“You’ve been telling me that since I was five, and my art was terrible.”

“That’s how you encourage kids though,” he defended. “I could’ve said they sucked and then you wouldn’t be so great today.”

Alex smiled at him. “Fair point.”

“So, girls, any special guy in your life?”

Alex felt her cheeks tint a little as Amanda grinned. “Yep, hoping he’ll be my prom date.”

“And what? You go to the same college and live happily ever after?”

Amanda waved her hand in a dismissing gesture. “Please, I’m not that naïve. Let me enjoy high school, I’ll save the real fun for the mature guys.” 

“Oh, but won’t that ruin every high school guys dream?” Alex interjected, her tone sarcastic but playful. 

“Well what about you then, huh?” Amanda said turning to her. “Any special guy in your life?”

This time, she blushed and they noticed. “Ooh, she’s blushing,” Corey laughed. 

“What’s his name?”

She didn’t mean to blurt it but their eyes on her were making her nervous, she hated the feeling of eyes burning into her, it made her feel small, defenceless. “Jack.” 

It wasn’t a lie, not technically. She didn’t say she was dating a guy, and they are assuming on their own that Jack was a guy. She didn’t have to tell them yet. She could let them think what they wanted.

“Jack huh? What’s he like then?” Corey asked, his eyes full of curiosity. Of course they were, she’d never mentioned a guy before. 

“He’s really sweet and funny.” The pronoun burned on her tongue. She was officially lying to them now; she couldn’t lie by omission now. “And he’s really into music like John Mayer and pop-punk. We actually kissed at a Blink182 concert – that was our first date.” She smiled at the memory, holding back a laugh when she remembered Mark seeing them. When she finally let herself experience what she’d been denying herself. “He’s also into diving which is pretty cool.”

“Diving huh?” Amanda asked with a smile. “Is he going for the Olympics?”

She shook her head. “No, he just does it for fun. I haven’t seen too much since it’s obviously too cold but I’ll make him show me what he can do when it warms up.”

“Well next time we meet up, bring him,” Corey said. “You’re literally lighting up talking about him.”

Alex covered her face with her hands as she blushed again as the three laughed. At least they hadn’t asked for pictures.

She knew she’d have to tell them eventually but that could wait a long time.

When they left, Alex was practically falling asleep in the car after being there for too many hours. 

“Did you have a good time?” her mom asked.

“Yeah,” she yawned. “It was nice seeing Mandy and Corey again.”

“Who was the boy Corey brought?” her dad asked. 

“That was his boyfriend, John.” The words came out smoothly. She didn’t understand how she could casually talk about other people who were gay but not herself. She knew it was entirely on herself and she was happy Corey could be so open to their families. Maybe it was because he was older, she’d never heard anything about his sexuality before and she remembered seeing photos of him at prom with a girl. Maybe it was still a new thing or, since she wasn’t actually related to him, was news that took its time to reach her. 

“Really, huh?” her dad asked. “I’d always suspected he was gay.”

“Did you really?” Alex asked, in a tone that made it clear she didn’t believe him. 

“He was really into the Jonas Brothers when you were kids.”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh at that statement, mostly because it made sense. Realising she was gay made her realise why she herself never had the huge obsession other girls seemed to have for them, or any guy really. 

“He once said he’d marry Leo DiCaprio so I guess it’s not too surprising,” Alex said and yawned again, her eyelids heavy. 

“Don’t fall asleep, we’re almost home,” her mom said, turning her head to smile at her. 

Alex tried nodding but her head simply swayed with the motion of the car as she hung to the thin chord of consciousness. By the time they got home, she was barely awake, falling onto her bed in her dress and falling asleep almost immediately.


	25. Chapter 24

“Would you stop looking at the time,” Ronan grunted, narrowing his eyes at Alex. “She’ll be here when she’ll be here.”

Alex glanced away from the clock and looked back at Ronan across the diner booth. “Sorry, I haven’t seen my girlfriend in two weeks, I tend to get excited.”

“You’re not even listening to the conversation. At least socialise a little.”

“Ronan, leave her alone,” Lynn interjected, rolling her eyes. “Let her be excited.”

The group decided to meet at a diner the day Jack was getting back from Lebanon. There wasn’t really a plan for the day but everyone was excited to see Jack. Even though the group got along well, Jack not being there was weird. Jess commented she was like the sticky glue that drove you crazy but made things more fun. Alex wouldn’t argue, Jack seemed to be the one coming up with ideas and dragging Alex into not so legal acts, like her fake ID. 

The ID hadn’t been used as of recently. They hadn’t snuck into a bar or club, bought alcohol, and now that Alex was eighteen she didn’t need it to buy cigarettes. New Year’s Eve was the next night and the group was planning to get into a gay bar in the city to celebrate. Alex hadn’t been to a gay bar before so she was definitely excited about going, and she’d definitely prefer to go if Jack was with her, since she got it into her head Jack would be late for whatever reason, hence why she’d kept looking at the clock.

The waitress set down their food and Alex grinned down at her pancakes, took a bottle of maple syrup and poured it all over them. 

“Jesus,” Adam said scrunching his nose, sitting next to Ronan. “Do you want diabetes?” 

She took a large mouthful and smirked at him as she chewed. 

“That would personally make me sick,” Lynn added, scrunching her own nose. 

“I like maple syrup,” she said after she swallowed, wiping her lips. 

“Use a napkin at least,” Adam said, scrunching his nose. 

She rolled her eyes and picked up her napkin, wiping the excess off of her lips. “Happy?”

He smiled and ate his French toast.

“Anyway, did you guys have a fun Christmas?” Lynn asked.

“I guess,” Adam said with a shrug.

“Yeah, church was cool,” Ronan said with a smile. Alex would’ve never pegged Ronan to be a religious person so she was surprised when she found out he was Catholic and actually went to church every Sunday. She sometimes wondered how that affected him accepting his sexuality, and if he had an ounce of Catholic guilt when it came to it. It was times like that she had to remind herself that some people had it much harder than she did. 

“Did you have to eat that disgusting bread?” Jess asked.

Ronan gave her a glare and she shrugged. 

“I went to visit some family,” Alex said. “Apparently my cousin’s, cousin is gay.”

“Makes sense,” Lynn said. “Everyone has a gay cousin.”

Alex snorted. “Well, lucky for her she gets two.”

As Lynn talked about her own Christmas, Alex’s eyes drifted across the room and she saw someone she hadn’t seen in a while and was honestly glad she hadn’t.

Chris.

He was sitting with Nick and Mark at a booth across the room. She bit her lip and tried to put her focus back onto the group, but her eyes kept drifting to the boys’ direction.

She hadn’t spoken to Chris in a while. The last time was briefly after she was outed. She still felt bad about how she treated him, even though it wasn’t technically her fault she led him on. She’d told Stacy so many times that she wasn’t interested in him yet she still set them up. There were definitely times she’d tried to imagine what it’d be like to be with him if she were straight. She knew objectively he was a good guy but she never felt anything beyond platonic feelings for him. And that made her feel awful knowing he liked her, like she somehow owed him. She was still trying to shake off compulsory heterosexuality at times and remind herself that she didn’t exist to please men. But living in a world that pushed that everyday made it hard that she caught herself thinking these thoughts sometimes. She was tired of it but she wasn’t sure what she could do to let it go.

“Alex? Hello, Alex?” a hand waved in front of her face, and she squinted her eyes, realising it was Lynn’s. 

“You were really out of it,” she said.

“Sorry,” she replied looking down at her lap. “Just saw some guys from school.”

“Which guys?” Ronan asked, sitting up straighter. She smiled, how protective Ronan was over his friends was endearing and something she had found herself appreciating.

“Stacy and Rory’s boyfriends, and the guy that had a crush on me. Don’t worry, I don’t think they’ve seen us. I’ll just ignore them.”

“You’d think the break would do exactly that, give us a break from homophobic shitheads at school.”

Adam squeezed his shoulder and Alex saw Ronan’s shoulder noticeably relax. “Relax, they haven’t even seen us. They’ll probably leave us alone.”

Ronan looked back at Adam with a doe eyed look, and nodded. Then, with a smile, took a bite of Adam’s French toast, Adam making a cry of protest between laughs. 

“Does the guy still like you?” Jess asked, ignoring the couple next to her. 

“I don’t even know. I haven’t spoken to him since after I got outed, he seems to be avoiding me. Which is weird because I’d been avoiding him, and he didn’t seem to get the message I didn’t like him back.”

“At least he stopped at you being gay. Some guys try to coax gay girls into a threesome,” Lynn said scrunching her nose. 

“Or the whole, ‘I bet my dick can change that’ response,” Jess added. 

“I’m guessing this is from experience?”

Both girls nodded. “Guys are gross, honestly.””

“Hey!” Ronan and Adam said, who were clearly tuned out of the conversation until that point. They’d gone from arguing about Ronan eating Adam’s food to subtle flirting, whispering things to each other in a way passerbys wouldn’t notice and was easy for Alex to block out, while ignoring her tugs of envy.

“Not you two, of course,” Jess said, with a wave of a hand. “Queer boys don’t count.”

Alex snorted and shook her head, and continued to eat. She glanced at the clock again and judging by the time Jack should be here in a few minutes. 

“I thought I said stop,” Ronan grumbled.

“I was just checking.”

“You should know by now she’s never on time, hence why we ordered without her.”

“Which she’ll most definitely be annoyed about so be prepared to share your maple syrup with pancakes,” Lynn said, nodding to the plate. 

“Maybe she won’t show up too late this time,” Alex said.

“Just eat and wait.”

Even with their advice, Alex kept glancing at the clock, and once the time Jack said she’d be here had passed, Alex started to glance at the door instead. 

“I told you she’d be late,” Ronan said. At this point, Alex had finished eating, as had almost everyone at the table. 

Alex opened her mouth to speak but before she could, the door of the diner, causing Alex’s eyes to shoot to the door, and grinned when she saw Jack walk through the door.

She grinned and walked to their booth. “Hey, motherfuckers,” she said and Lynn and Alex shuffled over to make room for her. She happily sat in the space and wrapped her arms around Alex’s hips, pulling her close to her and kissed her cheek repeatedly, making loud smacking sounds. Alex blushed and laughed, pushing her away.

“Aw, do we all get greeted like that?” Jess asked, Jack flipping her off in response.

“What took so long?” Adam asked as Jack rested her arm on Alex’s shoulders. 

“You know I’m not the best at time management. And our taxi took forever to come to the airport,” she explained. “Then my mom wanted me to unpack first so I had to do that quickly.”

“Well, we ordered without you because you were taking too fucking long,” Ronan said.

“I can see that,” she replied, eyeing their food. “It’s fine, my Teta fed me enough for the rest of the year.”

“Teta?” Ronan asked.

“My grandma, she said I was way too skinny. So I’m actually good,” she explained. 

“We’ll wait a few hours, you’ll want to order something,” Jess said, rolling her eyes. 

“Well, aside from bitching, what do you wanna do today? We gotta celebrate me being back somehow.”

“You are so fucking modest,” Ronan said rolling his eyes.

“We were going to see the Night Before, you love dumb comedies like that,” Lynn interjected. 

Jack grinned. “Seriously? You guys are fucking awesome, especially since Seth Rogen movies are my actual favourite thing ever.”

Alex smiled at her girlfriend. She forgot how much she missed Jack’s positivity and how infectious it was. She settled her head onto Jack’s shoulder, grinning. “Well, I wanted to see the movie anyway, so be glad I waited for you to get back.”

“You’re so nice,” Jack smiled and kissed Alex’s temple. Alex’s eyes drifted to where Chris was sitting. It was like he knew she glanced over because their eyes met across the room, and her body tensed when as his eyes burnt into her. He looked uncomfortable. Maybe it was how she was sitting with Jack, maybe it was him realising how foolish he was to constantly pursue her. He glanced away and Alex closed her eyes and tried to let her body relax. 

“Well, the movie starts in half an hour so let’s leave so we actually make it,” Jess said.


	26. Chapter 25

“I still don’t get why I need to wear primer,” Alex said, pulling back as Jack tried to put the makeup on her face.

“You’re going to sweat,” Jack said. “Plus, you have oily skin, you should be wearing primer in the first place.”

“Listen to the expert, Alex,” Lynn said as she blended her black eyeshadow. 

“And Ronan’s going to be here in half an hour to take us to the bar, so just let her get you ready,” Jess interjected, filling in her eyebrows. 

Alex huffed and let Jack blend the primer into her skin. “Plus, this is way easier and more fun than your mini makeover in Sephora,” Jack said. “Let me just go full on Instagram makeup on you.”

“Even the eyebrows?” Alex asked, hesitation in her voice.

“You’ll look great, just trust me.” She pecked Alex on her lips, causing her to smile and she let her continue her makeup. 

“So, either of you going to look for any hot girls to hook up with?” Jack asked as she blended Alex’s foundation. 

“Ugh, definitely,” Jess said. “I’d like to get a girlfriend before I die.”

“I’m planning to just have fun,” Lynn said. “I might wait until college for a proper girlfriend.”

“Does fun include a hot girl tonight?” Jack asked, her tongue between her teeth as she applied setting powder onto Alex’s face, moving onto contour. 

“Of course.”

“Have you been to the bar we’re going to before?” Alex’s asked.

“No, Magnus and Alec has and they love it. They should be there tonight.” Jack said.

“Oh, I haven’t seen them in ages,” Lynn said.

“I ran into them on Halloween,” Alex said. “I like them, they’re really nice.”

“Super great guys, honestly.” Jack said as she moved to Alex’s eyebrows. “Now keep still, we’re going for nice, full brows tonight.”

“I don’t know how you managed to be good friends with Izzy too,” Jess said. 

“Izzy’s the sweetest,” Alex said with a smile, receiving a small scolding glare when she moved a little. “Sorry,” she muttered.

“And super-hot,” Lynn added. 

“Not a lie,” Jack said and Alex held back from nodding in agreement. 

Alex heard a text notification and Lynn picked up her phone to read it. “Boys are here.”

“Tell them we need a few more minutes,” Jack said “I still need to do the eyes.” She said as she blended primer on Alex’s eyelid. 

“Another fifteen minutes it is,” Lynn said and replied to the message. 

“Can I at least look yet?” Alex asked as Jack took out one of her eyeshadow pallets. 

“Not until you’re done.”

Alex huffed but let her continue to do her makeup. Alex herself wasn’t the best at makeup so she’d expect Jack to do a better job than she could ever do. 

After about ten minutes – and the decision to blast One Direction – Jack smiled as she pulled the lip brush off of Alex’s lips and said, “Done.”

Alex looked at herself in the mirror. When Jack gave her the Sephora makeover she thought she did a really good job. Now that Jack wasn’t held back by samples, Alex saw how good of a job Jack could do.

Alex gaped at her reflection. For a moment, she didn’t even recognise herself. Jack wasn’t kidding when she said she was good at makeup.

She’d never thought she could look like this. Her eyebrows were bold, her eyes had that smoky look she’d always wondered how people achieved, her face had full contour and highlight in and look better than what was frequently seen on Instagram, bold and sharp eyeliner wings, thick fake eyelashes, and it was finished off with a dark lip colour. 

“I think she likes it,” Jess said. 

She turned back to her friends and grinned. “Okay, I love it.”

“I’m amazing, I know,” Jack said with a self-satisfied grin. 

“Come on, we better get down before Ronan gets anymore pissed.” 

They walked down to Jack’s driveway and stepped into the backseat, Jess on one side, Lynn in the middle, and Alex on the other side sitting on Jack’s lap. 

“Finally,” Ronan grumbled and started the car.

Adam whistled. “You look hot as shit though.”

“That was the goal,” Lynn said. 

“Wow, I don’t receive those kind of compliments from you ever,” Ronan said as he drove off. 

“You always look hot a shit though,” Adam said and Lynn fake gaged. 

“Save the flirting for when you’re alone,” she said.

“We always tell them that, since when do they listen?” Jack asked, gently rubbing Alex’s hips. The dress she was wearing was hip hugging and Jack made it clear she was a fan of it. 

They hadn’t had sex since their date at the pier. Alex wanted to have sex again but there hadn’t been a great opportunity to. If Stacy hadn’t caught them they’d probably have had sex a lot more by now. Maybe they’d get a chance to do it tonight, that was Alex’s plan at least and by how Jack’s acting she wouldn’t oppose to it. 

“I like how short your dress is,” she whispered into Alex’s ear and she stopped herself from shuttering in pleasure. Just the thought of having sex tonight was enough to make her react like this. 

Music was playing from the radio and Adam was able to convince Ronan to play Troye Sivan’s Blue Neighbourhood. Alex assumed the ‘my car my choice of music rule’ didn’t apply to Adam as it did to the rest of them. And that was honestly not at all surprising,

“Turn it up,” Jack said when she realised Wild was playing, Adam happily obliging. 

“Have you seen the full directors cut for this?” Lynn asked. “It’s so fucking good.” 

“I think I watched it three times in a row,” Adam laughed.

“I cried like a bitch when I first saw them,” Alex said. “Still so fucking good.”

They spent the rest of the ride half singing along to the album and made it to the bar before it finished. 

The line to get in was decently long and it took about half an hour to actually get in. When they did it was pretty crowded and Alex pretty much gave up immediately on trying to find Magnus and Alec. Not to her surprise there was mostly men but there were some women littered around. 

Either way, Jack took her hand took the dancefloor and Alex happily let her. She held her by her hips and pulled their foreheads together. Alex grinned and wrapped her arms around Jack’s shoulders. She didn’t recognise the song that was playing but she was barely focussing on Jack. She pressed her lips against hers and Jack kissed her back with just as much passion. 

She couldn’t tell if she was hot because she was in the crowd or because of Jack. Maybe it was a combination of both.

Jack pulled away from her and kissed Alex’s neck, then her shoulder. “Want to go to the bathroom?” she breathed out.

Alex knew exactly where this was leading. “Yeah.”

It was slightly difficult to find the bathroom when it was so crowded and the lighting wasn’t great but they did eventually find out. Alex was grateful to see it was clean as well. 

They walked into a stall and when the door was closed Jack pinned Alex to the locked door. In the process, Alex’s dress slightly rose and Jack’s hand went for Alex’s thigh. Alex had needed this for so long and she was so close to it.

She let Jack’s hand pull up her skirt more, far enough for her to reach her panties. Alex moaned in consent and Jack smiled, and pressed her hand to Alex’s labia, rubbing it over Alex’s panties. Alex shuddered in pleasure, trying to spread her legs while she was still standing, while also trying to not collapse because her legs were so weak. 

Jack pushed Alex’s panties to the side so she could rub her fingers properly against Alex’s clit. Alex moaned again and while she was riding on pure ecstasy, she pulled Jack shirt up so it was hugging her chest, and high enough to reveal her breasts. Alex pushed one of the cups of her bras to the side and brought her lips to her nipple.

“Holy fuck!” Jack moaned and inserted a finger inside of Alex. Alex gasped in pleasure, keeping her lips on Jack’s nipple and moving to Jack’s pants. Leather pants was her choice tonight and she unbuttoned them, pulling them down enough for Alex to have easy access to her. Her hand went under Jack’s panties and Alex could feel she was as wet as she was. She rubbed Jack clit and Jack moaned, returning the favour by pushing her fingers deeper into Alex. Alex breathed in sharply, letting out a moan as Jack’s thumb rubbed against her clit. Alex’s fingers then pushed inside of her, and she felt Jack shutter against her. Both girls’ arms were weak simply from the sheer pleasure the other was giving them. 

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna…” Jack moaned out and cut herself off, her body shuttering as her climax hit. She breathed heavily, her fingers still inside of Alex. Before Alex could complain about her not finishing her off, Jack crashed her fingers against Alex and roughly pushed another finger inside of Alex, her thumb still rubbing against her clit and Alex felt her own orgasm hit and hit hard. 

When Jack realised she had, she smiled and held onto Alex’s hips to support her. She pressed her lips against hers and smiled at her. 

“Well that was fun,” she grinned and Alex looked at her and smiled. This girl was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: attempted rape

Going back to school was something Alex dreaded. Reminding herself she’d be done with it in a few months helped her get through it. She was more than looking forward to high school being over. While most people genuinely didn’t care she was gay, the comments and looks from people she’d considered her friends for years hurt most. She just had to hold herself together for a few more months, then she’d be in college with people who she doesn’t know and it’ll be fine. 

She decided to have a quick smoke before class starts that day, exactly what she needed to calm her down. Rather than texting Clary and Izzy if they wanted to join her, she went to the bathroom by her locker alone. 

Alex stepped into a bathroom stall, placed the cigarette between her lips, lit it up, and took a long drag. She tilted her head as she blew the smoke out, and placed it between her lips as she fiddled on her phone. 

She hadn’t been on twitter in a while, mostly because most of who she followed were ex friends and she hadn’t gotten around to unfollowing them. She saw the video of her and Jack, something she was able to forget about, retweeted a few times. Luckily most of the people who saw it were from school, although there were a few strangers eating it up. She decided to go to her follower list and simply unfollow her so called friends and block them. It felt therapeutic to do it, exactly what she needed.

While on her blocking spree, she heard the door open ad listened carefully to who came in.

“Do you have that Colour Pop lipstick I like?” she heard Stacy’s voice stay.

“Tulle?” Rory’s voice replied. 

“Yeah.”

“Yep.”

They sounded so… normal. Like these are just two normal girls, not two girls that dropped their best friend and said horrible stuff to her and about her. Two girls she’d trusted for years that turned their back on her. 

“So have you picked out a prom dress yet?” Rory asked. 

“No, it needs to be perfect honestly,” Stacy replied and her tone made it sound like it was worse than not finding a dress for a dance. 

“Definitely, we should all go shopping and find the perfect dress.”

Alex rolled her eyes and took another drag of her cigarette. She’d kind of forgot about prom, she’d have to ask if any of her friends were going. She herself was on the fence, she’d go if she had a group but it wasn’t the end of the world if she ended up missing it.

“So our group is you, me, and Nick and Mark. Anyone else?” Rory asked.

“Jeffery, his dad is gonna rent us a limo and I think he’s going with Riley. She might bring some of her friends too.”

“And we’re still going to book a hotel room?”

“Of course, Mark will be able to get us alcohol.” 

“Do you know if Chris is coming?” Rory asked.

“I think, but I don’t know who he’s taking. He was pretty set on taking Alex.”

Alex’s breath hitched in her throat as she brought the cigarette to her lips. She held her breath, waiting to hear if there was anything else they were going to say about her. 

“Oh god, he was,” Rory agreed. “She’s such a fucking bitch for not giving him a chance, considering how much he liked her.”

Stacy snorted. “Tell me about it, then she went all dyke on us. And with Jacqueline Barakat of all people. I did warn her she might force her into that gross shit.”

Alex’s teeth dug into her bottom lip in anger and she squeezed her cigarette so hard, the ash fell to the wet floor. When she realised smoking it was useless she tossed it into the toilet. 

“I thought you said you were sure it wasn’t forced.”

“For all we know Jacqueline forced her into it and Alex decided to go dyke on us. And if she knew she was one for so long, she probably watched us change.”

“Jacqueline is so disgusting though, such a fucking cake face.” 

“Wasn’t she on the diving team or something? Amanda once told me she was kicked off for staring at the girls in the change room.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about that. I think she also went to cheerleading tryouts or something. Apparently she was a gymnast.” 

“Still, can’t believe Alex would go for her, especially when Chris is an option.”

“I know,” Stacy laughed and Alex could hear them walk for the door. She didn’t know what took over her but she flipped the lock and walked right out of the stall. It caught Stacy and Rory’s attention and they stared at her as she walked out. Alex ignored them, not even looking in their direction and went for the sink, washing her hands. She felt their eyes burn into her skin. They were waiting for her to say something. Alex took a deep breath and turned to them.

“You really should stop flattering yourselves about me looking at you, you’re really not that hot at all.”

They gaped at her, clearly shocked Alex had said something like that. Alex had honestly surprised herself by the words but she pushed passed them and stepped into the hallway before she passed out. 

She had no clue what came over her but she was tired. She really had to start standing up for herself, it was exhausting not to at this point. 

…

Izzy had texted her that she and Clary were going to a party, along with their boyfriends. She said she wasn’t sure who’s party it was but Alex didn’t mind, she liked spending time with the pair. Izzy came to pick her up around eight and Alex decided to dress casually, just in jeans, a Green Day hoodie, and her go to makeup. 

“Oh cool, you redyed your hair,” Clary said when Alex got into the backseat with her, and Clary’s boyfriend Jace Herondale on her other side. Izzy sat up front with her boyfriend Simon Lovelace. She didn’t have any classes with either of them but she saw them around school enough to recognise their faces. And there was that crush Stacy had on Simon too, and she wouldn’t shut up about him during that time.

“Oh yeah, I missed the blue. It was seriously getting really gross and faded.”

“I’ve always wanted to dye my hair but I don’t want to ruin the red.”

“Why ruin it?” Jace said with a smile.

Alex smiled and looked outside to try and figure out where they were going. It was dark so it was pretty hard to tell exactly but it did appear like a familiar route. 

She felt a tap on her shoulder and saw Jace holding out a cigarette box. “Smoke?” he asked.

“If you are, roll down the windows assholes,” Izzy said from the front seat. 

“That stuff will kill ya, you know,” Simon muttered.

“Thanks, babe,” Izzy said and Alex could imagine her grinning. Regardless, Alex took one and the lighter from Jace, rolling down her window slightly and took a few drags. She glanced out the window again and she did slightly recognise the route. It looked like the route to that college party she and her friends went to a few months ago. The one where Jeffery’s brother filmed them. She could only hope she wouldn’t run into him again. From that one impression she could tell he is just as vile as Jeffery is. She took a drag to calm her nerves before she worked herself up over something so small. 

“I think this house has a hot tub, which is great,” Izzy said.

“It’s still freezing out, are you crazy?” Simon asked. 

Izzy placed her hand on his shoulder to hush him. “Babe, can you relax. We’re just gonna have fun.” 

Simon seemed to huff and didn’t respond. By the time they reached the house Alex had gone through two cigarettes and was one her third when they went into the house. It was about as crowded as it was the last time she was there and Clary and Izzy seemed to be set on finding the hot tub quickly breaking away from Simon and Jace, while Simon and Jace went to the keg. Maybe the guy Adam tutored would be here again with his boyfriend and she could sit with them. She didn’t really want to go into the hot tub again after last time. 

She walked around the party, finding a corner to stand in deciding to just people watch. If Adam’s friend was here he definitely would be hard to find. She finished off her cigarette and threw it in a nearby pot plant. She suddenly wished she’d brought her own box, maybe she could find Jace and ask for another one. The keg was in the kitchen so she made her to it. She wasn’t quite sure where it was and since it was so crowded it was difficult to find so she was mostly wondering around aimlessly, trying not to shove people out of her way. However, before she could get to the kitchen someone grabbed her arm and pulled her to a corner in the room. She was so caught off guard that she didn’t have time to react, her body froze. She almost tripped as she was being pulled and when her arm was finally let go, she caught herself and saw Jeffery. Great.

“Well, hello Lexi,” he said, in that infuriating condescending tone. 

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped.

“Wow, look I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Was he seriously apologising for the hell he’d put her through. 

“I’m sorry that you’re too blind to see what you’re missing on,” he said with a smirk and his hand reached out to touch her face. 

She batted his hand away. “Jesus, get over yourself.” 

He stepped closer to her, close enough she could smell his bad breath. To be fair hers was definitely no better but he still didn’t need to invade her personal space like this. 

“You still look pretty hot dressed like that though.”

She felt her skin crawl, what was with this guy? Why did he have this gross obsession with making her uncomfortable? She rolled her eyes at him. “Are you done? Can I go now?”

“Okay, but if you need me, feel free to find me.” And with a wink he walked off and walked into the crowd. She huffed and tried to find the kitchen again, realising how much she needed a cigarette now. 

She sighed in relief when she found Jace in the kitchen, sitting on the bench by the keg with a solo cup in his hand.

“I need a smoke,” she said.

“Damn, you desperate?” he asked and took out his cigarette box, handing her one.

“I ran into an asshole from school,” she said, taking the lighter from him. 

“Who was it?” Simon asked.

“Jeffery.”

With boys groaned in annoyance. “Seriously? He’s so fucking annoying,” Simon said. 

“Tell me about it,” Alex muttered. 

“I had him in math last year,” Jace said. “His ego really needs to be deflated. But he’s harmless.” 

Alex shrugged and took a drag of her cigarette. “I can only hope so,” she said. 

A few cups of beer later she ran upstairs to look for a bathroom. The one downstairs was locked and she could hear sounds inside that she would’ve rather not. After wondering around for a few minutes she found a master bedroom with the door wide open and she sighed in relief to see an en suite. She wasn’t able to walk totally straight since the alcohol had had an effect on her but she eventually found herself to the bathroom. 

As she washed her hands she heard the bedroom door closed and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Occupied!” She called, hoping whatever couple had come in would immediately leave.

“Oh, I know.” The voice behind her sent a chill up her spine. She turned to see Jeffery walk in line with the doorway. He was creeping her out but there was no way she’d let it show. She simply rolled her eyes and made her way to move past him. 

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” he said, showing his teeth off to her. 

“Could you just fuck off,” she muttered. 

He grabbed her elbow as she walked past him. Before she could shove him away his grip on her arm tightened. “Ow,” she hissed. “Let go.”

But he was stronger than her and he pushed her onto the bed, pinning her arms down on the bed his knees holding her hips. She froze as he smirked down at her, her skin crawling. 

“You are so fucking sexy, such a waste honestly, that you’re into chicks.”

“Get off me,” she whimpered, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“Hm, nah,” he replied. “I bet my dick can fix that whole dyke issue.”

She spat in his face and in response he covered her mouth with his hand. She wasn’t backing down, she wouldn’t. She sunk her teeth into his palm as hard as she could and he hissed. “You bitch,” he growled and took hold of her throat. She gasped and he smirked. His free hand went to undo his pants and even though she was weak, she took her chance. While he wasn’t looking at her she clenched her fists and went for it. She punched him in the face, getting his jaw. 

His teeth clenched. “Fucking bitch,” he said and his grip on her neck tightened and secured her down. Tears welled up in her eyes but she swung again, getting his nose. He flinched away, letting go of her throat and cupped his bleeding nose in his hand. Before he could respond, she flipped him on his back and thrashed her fists down onto him. She’d lost control, she just kept going and going and going. His face was bruising but she didn’t care. It came from her absolute hatred for him, from the past few months at school, from what he tried to do to her, from so many things and she couldn’t stop herself. His face was getting bloodied and bruised and he was definitely caught off guard, shocked that she was actually fighting back like this. 

She finally stopped, and she was panting looking down at him. Both of his eyes were bruising, his lip was puffy and cut, and his entire face was swollen. She glared down at him. 

“It’s not an issue,” she said flatly. “All your dick will do is dry up my vagina.” She spat at him and finally got off of him. 

She had to find Izzy and Clary. She had to leave. She needed to. She wanted to prolong whatever would eventually happen. She ran downstairs to the backyard, and was thankful to see the two in the hot tub. 

“Are you okay?” Izzy asked, looking over to her, Clary following her gaze. 

“No, I’m not,” she panted. “I need to go.”

“What happened?” Clary asked, clearly worried. Either way, she and Izzy sat up and reached for their clothes. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, can we just get the guys?” 

“I’ll get them,” Clary said as she and Izzy slipped on their clothes. “We’ll meet you at the car.”

Izzy nodded and she and Alex walked back to her car. Alex pulled up her hood up and wrapped her arms around herself, keeping her head down. 

“So, you really don’t want to talk about?” Izzy asked. 

“No,” she mumbled. 

Izzy didn’t respond but Alex could tell she was concerned. Her hands grazed her neck and she was worried about it bruising. Her knuckles were cut and bloodied so she pulled her sleeves down to cover her hands. Monday was going to be interesting.


	28. Chapter 27

When she got home that night she probably showered three times. She shoved her clothes into the washing machine, as if doing those things would erase the night away. She knew things could’ve been so much worse but she still felt dirty. It felt like she couldn’t wear those clothes or even live in her own skin until she washed it off. 

She was able to was off the dried blood on her knuckles but he neck was bruising, the finger marks clear. She hoped that would heal quickly, but if it didn’t she could try to cover it up with makeup. She wished she still had her long hair to cover it. 

She didn’t leave the house on Sunday, she stayed in bed watching Netflix, it was all she could handle for that day.

Calling the police had crossed her mind. But it’s not like she did rape her… and she did technically assault him, even though it was self-defence. She could only hope Jeffery wouldn’t do anything himself. 

Her bruises had cleared up by Monday but there was weight of seeing Jeffery in her first class. From what she did to his face she was expecting to see him sitting with a swollen face in her first class.

Except he wasn’t.

Jeffery wasn’t one to show up to class quickly and maybe his momentum was thrown off by his injuries or his parents didn’t let him go to school. She was curious if he told them what had happened or if he made up a fib. Jeffery not being here definitely tore her, there could be any reason he wasn’t in class. 

“Rough weekend?” Lynn asked, sitting with her and Adam.

Alex shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“Didn’t you just dye your hair?” she asked, looking at her hair.

Due to her three showers, and the extra one from the night previously, her hair colour had really faded. She simply shrugged in response. “Bad dye I guess.”

“Must’ve,” she replied. 

Alex took out her notebook and distracted herself by doodling in the margins. She half listened when the class started and she glanced over to Jeffery’s usual seat to see he still hadn’t arrived. She tried not to think too much about it, maybe he was skipping or something. She didn’t beat his face too bad.

The door of the class room opened and when she glanced over she saw the principal walk in with two police officers. Everyone went quiet and watched as the principal talked to her teacher. With a surprised look, he turned to the class. 

“Alexandra,” he said and Alex felt eyes go to her. Alex sat frozen, she knew exactly what was happening. “Please take your things and go with Principal Evens.”

She hastily picked up her books and slung her bag over one shoulder and walked out with the principal and the two police officers. She could hear muttering around the classroom but she blocked it out. Principal Evens and the police officers were all quiet. The tension was painful; she could be walking into anything. 

They finally reached the office and sitting there was Jeffery with a man that was probably his dad and what definitely upset her to see was her mom. 

“Take a seat, Alexandra,” Principal Evens behind her and she took a seat next to her mom, who was looking down at her lap but Alex could see the disappointment written across her face. 

“Now, Alexandra,” Principal Evens said taking a seat behind his desk. “I think you assume why you’re here?”

Alex’s teeth sunk into her bottom lip and she nodded. She stole a glance at Jeffery. His face was puffy and bruised, his lip was still cut but even in this condition, she could see the smug look on his face. It was so subtle that most wouldn’t notice but Alex was used to that look that she couldn’t miss it. 

“Well, obviously we can’t let this go without punishment. We could expel you, but we’ve decided against it.”

“Oh, thank god,” she heard her mom whisper. 

“However, you are suspended for a week and will have to do community service for a month.”

Alex processed this information. Suspension and community service. She could handle that, there were definitely worse things in the world. She wasn’t getting arrested thank god.

“Will she have a criminal record?” her mom asked. 

“If she behaves during the community service and completes it all, no,” one of the police officers said. 

“You’re not even going to ask why she did it?”

She could say why so easily. She could tell them what he tried to do to her. But she couldn’t get the words out. She could expect the horrid comments in response. She could make this easy and just do the community service. She didn’t need another reason for people to turn against her. 

She stayed silent, her eyes drifting to her lap. She should just accept her fate. 

“You know you can get off a lot easier if you told us why,” the police officer prompted. 

She’d told herself she’d stand up for herself. What she did to Jeffery wasn’t in her plan but the situation called for it. 

She took a deep breath. “He… he attacked me,” she said quietly, her eyes welling up with tears. 

She could feel Jeffery’s eyes on her. She knew not telling them could have serious repercussions. What’s to stop him from doing this to another girl…

“Attacked you how?”

“I was at a party and I had gone to the bathroom. It was an en suite and he cornered me in there and he pinned me to the bed and…” she sniffled, waiting to be stopped. They should be able to put the pieces together but they didn’t. She let out a shaky breath. “And he covered my mouth with his hand so I bit him, and then he chocked me so hard it bruised. When he went to unbutton his pants I just went for it and hit him.” 

Tears were running down her face, and she could feel her mom looking at her. Her mom put a hand on her shoulder hand on her shoulder to soothe her, and that caused her to let out a small sob.

“She’s-“ Jeffery started only to be cut off.

“Hold on, Jeffery,” one of the officers said. “Alexandra, why didn’t you just get out of there immediately.”

Seriously? That was there biggest question? She was almost raped but they cared she didn’t get out quicker? 

“I was really scared, like flight or fight,” she replied. “I was so scared he’d come after me that one hit didn’t feel like it’d be enough. I just lost control.”

“She’s bullshitting!” Blurted Jeffery. “I didn’t try to rape her.”

His voice was frantic and Alex could hear the fib in his voice and judging by the officers’ faces they didn’t buy it either. 

“We have no proof he did that,” Jeffery’s father said in a much more even tone. “We do have proof she assaulted him, seeming how she just admitted to it.”

“Alex wouldn’t hurt anyone unless she had a good reason,” her mom snapped back. “And say ‘rape’, instead of avoiding it.” 

She glanced at her mom and she was pissed, it was written all over her face as she glared at Jeffery and his dad. Her mom really loved her and that made her feel a little better. 

“Well, say he did. She probably led him on.” Her skin crawled at that, they were way too much alike for her liking. 

“I genuinely thought she liked me.” The smile on Jeffery’s face as he said that made her skin crawl. “And I really like her and-“

“I fucking hate your filthy guts,” she snapped at him and everyone seemed so surprised. She was so fucking tired and she wasn’t going to let him bullshit his way out of this. “You are gross, you are creepy, you’ve been harassing me for months, I make it fucking clear I hate you and have absolutely no interest in you. And even if you were telling the truth and not lying through your teeth, you still tried to rape me! You held me by my neck and pinned me to a bed and tried to sexually assault me! You are a fucking vile piece of shit and if you actually think I like you in any sort of way you are fucking deluded.”

Jeffery looked caught off guard, like he realised he could no longer lie his way out of this. The intense emotional response did nothing but prove that while she did physically assault him, it was entirely in self-defence. And judging by the looks the police officers were giving Jeffery, they were siding with her. 

“I am not dropping the charges,” Jeffery’s dad said. 

“Well, as far as I can tell this was self-defence,” one of the officers said. “So there’s two options, you can drop the charges and principal Evens can decide what to do with the two of you, or we can take this to court and it can get much worse for the both of you.”

Jeffery’s dad was silent for a moment, then grunted. “Fine.”

“Well, I think both of you should be suspended for a week,” Principal Evens said looking at the two. “I don’t want either of you in any trouble and I hope I never hear anything like this from either of you again.”


	29. Chapter 28

Surprisingly, Alex wasn’t further punished at home. When she and her mom when in the car her mom started to cry which lead to Alex crying. Her mom said she was happy she was okay and even happier that she had defended herself. She was happy her mom was so loving and supportive. 

Alex was locked in her room, deciding to work on her art project. It was due in a few months and she wanted to get to finishing it. She had just started colouring it and she was actually still liking it. Worst thing that could happen was she started to hate it but surprisingly, she was actually loving it and was excited to share it. 

“Alex!” her mom called. “You have a visitor!” 

Alex glanced up from her work, and put it away quickly making her way to the stairs. When she could see was at the door, she grinned. 

“Hey, Jack,” she grinned.

Jack looked at her concerned. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked jogging up the stairs to get to her side. 

“I think,” she said and let Jack pull her into a hug. They walked to her room and sat together on her bed. Alex rested her head on 

“There’s a shit ton of rumours going around. I just need to know what happened from you.”

Alex sighed. “I went to a party with Izzy and Clary and their boyfriends. I had to piss and the only bathroom I could find that wasn’t be used was an un suite. Jeffery corned me in there and… he pinned me to the bed and… I think you can guess.”

“That… that fucking bastard,” Jack said softly as Alex started to cry again. God she was tired of crying but Jack rubbed her arm as she got it out. “He deserved what you did to his face, he’s such a piece of shit, I swear to fucking god.” She pressed her lips to her temple. 

They decided to watch a few episodes of Rick and Morty before Jack had to leave for dinner. When Alex’s dad got home her mom explained everything to him and he was scathing. 

“That son of a bitch is going to pay!” he growled.

“I already beat his face pretty good, dad,” she said, not able to stop her smile. “No need for more trouble.”

“Well, I would say you should spend the week thinking about what you did but for what he tried to do to you, I say it’s okay.”

Alex smiled at that. “Thanks dad.”

“I think as a reward we’re going to have pizza, and you can order a gourmet pizza for yourself.”

Alex grinned. She’d always avoided gourmet since they were so expensive but she happily ordered a pizza that came with multiple kinds of cheese. After her mom got off of the phone she decided to just tell them, they clearly loved her too much to be so angry. And even if they weren’t… she knew she’d be okay.

“Hey guys?” she asked, getting their attention.

“Yeah sweetheart?” her mom asked.

“I’m gay.”

Her parents looked at each other for a moment but shock and disappointment wasn’t on either of their faces. 

“Yeah honey, we know,” her mom said.

“You… know?”

“She means we’ve suspected,” her dad said. “We still love you, okay sweetie?”

And she was crying again today, but at least they were happy tears this time. “Jack’s my girlfriend, by the way,” she said, smiling through her tears.

“Told you,” her mom said looking at her dad. 

Things were definitely going to be at least a little okay.

…

There was someone at the door for her but it was definitely a person she didn’t expect.

Stacy. 

She was home alone that day, her mom had gone to work that day, Alex not surprised. She couldn’t stay with Alex all week. But guilt was written all over Stacy’s face, standing there with her teeth sinking into her lip and rubbing her arm. 

“Hey,” she said slowly.

“Hi,” Alex replied flatly.

She sighed. “I am… I am so sorry.”

Alex stared at her. She wasn’t expecting this at all. “What do you mean?”

“Outing you… abandoning you. All that.”

“Why’d you do it?” Alex asked.

“Can you let me in and I’ll explain.”

Alex hesitantly let her in and they sat in the living room. 

“So again, why’d you do it?”

Stacy was staring down at her lap. “I guess I felt genuinely lied to, and I was still holding all these views my parents taught me, Rory too,” she sighed. Alex always forgot that Stacy came from quite a religious family. Rory too. The entire basis of the pairs’ friendship was meeting at church. Funny how the Christian children could throw a party when their parents were gone and have sex with their boyfriends but still see a reason in hating her for her sexuality. 

“I’m talking for both of us, we’re both so sorry for how we treated you.”

“And it took me almost getting raped for you to see that?” Alex asked, staring at her. 

The shame on her face was clear. “You’re right, it’s fucked and I am genuinely so fucking sorry. I’ve been working towards unlearning that shit but I know I need to realise that I still hurt you.”

Alex sighed. “Stacy, I don’t know if I want to be friends with you anymore. You were so fucking awful to me. If you really cared you wouldn’t have done anything you did to me.”

Stacy nodded. “I know, I just wanted to apologise.”

Alex sighed. “And I appreciate that, I do. But it’s not going to change anything.”

Stacy nodded. “You’re right, I know. I guess I’ll see you in school?”

Alex nodded. “I guess.”

…

The next few months were a blur. Jack had surprised Alex with a picnic on Valentine’s day. Alex was on slightly better terms with Stacy and Rory and their boyfriends had laid off on her. Jeffery had especially laid off on her. When she had got back to her school after her suspension she received a few pats on the back for what she did to Jeffery, mostly from other girls. She was glad she wasn’t the only one who thought he was a creep. 

“Okay, can I please see it now?” Jack asked excitedly.

The end of the school year was coming up and she had finally finished her art project. She hadn’t showed anyone yet and Jack was the first that was going to see it. 

“Calm down, it’s coming,” Alex said, staring down at the piece in her hand. She took a deep breath and set it on her desk. 

It came out perfectly. The image was of two girls, one a mermaid, one a fae. The fae’s arms were around the mermaid, her hair pink and spikey with wings that resembled a dragon’s, with a green dress the looked like it was made from moss and leaves. The mermaid’s nipples weren’t clear, as her breasts were pressed against the faes chest, and her hair appeared like it had been cut, hair flying off the head from behind, with different colours, light brown hair on the long half and vibrant purple on her actual head. And their lips were locked in a kiss. 

“Wow,” Jack whispered. “This is amazing.”

Alex smiled. “You really think so?” she asked.

“I mean, I knew you could draw but this is unreal,” she said, grinning at her. 

Alex smiled and leaned over to kiss her. “Thanks,” she said. “I’m really proud of it.”

“You should be,” Jack said. “This is amazing. I wish I could draw like this.”

“Hey, you’re good a makeup, that’s a kind of art.”

“My eyeliner and brows are pretty fucking great.”

Alex laughed. God she loved this girl. Like, really loved this girl. 

As if she read her mind, Jack kissed her again. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” Alex grinned.

…

“If I die, it’s your fault,” Alex said looking down at the pool. 

“Relax, just keep your body straight,” Jack replied holding her hand as they walked up to the diving board. Now that it was summer Jack had dragged her to the pool since she wanted go diving so badly. But since it was Jack, she wanted her to come. Alex initially thought it was to just show off but Jack wanted to ‘christen’ it, in her words at least, by jumping down together. 

“Just think of it as jumping into a pool, just from a higher point. And really, this is the lowest platform.”

Alex huffed. “You are so lucky I love you.”

Jack simply smiled at her. She had at least agree to hold her hand as the jumped. 

Alex looked down at the pool. She had an irrational fear she would splat on the pavement, even though there was no way that would happen. It was water, it was fine. She could swim and even if she couldn’t, she had Jack by her side. 

“Ready?” Jack asked.

Alex took a deep breath. “Ready.” 

Her hand still tightly holding Jack’s, they jumped off of the platform and the both screamed with joy as they landed into the water.


End file.
